[TADSLOS]

''After the mating, the female mantis bites off the male mantis' head, and then she and her girlfriend mantises use it to play a game that looks a lot like Skee Ball.''

We call this D-I-V-O-R-C-E in the human world.

[Sender]

This is a classic! I've been shot down by a lawn tractor before, a cute little Kubota twin diesel that was waaay out of my league. It hurts, dude.

[Da_Shrimp]

LOL, great article, thanks for posting it!

[NautiNurse]

Because I live in Florida, my patio is basically a giant singles bar for lizards.

This is so very true! Dave Barry nailed this one.

[Feckless]

Best pickup line I ever heard was in a lesbian bar in Seattle, New Years 1987. Was waiting to be served at the bar and overheard one girl tell the other "OK, but just in case my biology teacher was right we'd better exchange ID now 'cause I intend to be you by tomorrow morning."

[atomicpossum]

This is, perhaps, the most insightful, meaningful, and valuable article that has ever been written in the history of Mankind. I respectfully request that any and all females in the Universe be forced to read, even commit to memory, this article before they are allowed to speak to a male in a social or romantic setting.

Of course, my wife will be along any moment to tell me why I am wrong and why I should shut up.

[DainBramage]

"My name is Todd, you'll be screaming it later tonight."

[Junior]

I think I've got the best pickup line there is. However, I cannot divulge it for fear of the resulting over-population problem.

[Ichneumon]

They seem to think that female lizards really go for a guy with a big chin pouch, but I have never once, in 14 years of close observation, seen a female respond.

I have... I was lying face-down on a lounger by the pool, when two lizards decided to do their thing on a fence rail about twelve inches in front of my nose. Being comfortable and not wanting to disturb them (and rather curious, to tell you the truth), I just lay there and watched the show.

One question: Where the heck does he hide that thing when he's not using it? And I don't mean the neck pouch.

[daybreakcoming]

I should know better than to read Dave Barry while drinking coffee. Thanks for the morning sunshine - now to clean off my monitor. :o)

[joylyn]

"Are you a teacher?" is the exact line used by a 16-something boy who approached me (quite a bit over 16) in the public library and offered to trade sex for my writing his high school English paper. Said I, "I am not a teacher." He, after looking me over: "Yes, you are."

[giotto]

Thanks for posting this. Dave Barry is one of those timeless writers, like P.G. Wodehouse and Mark Twain, whose works will never lose their charm.

[Graymatter]

That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you understand this...

We understand. *YAWWWWWN*

[skinkinthegrass]

What he didn't say was, "There sure are a lot of these lizards around."..so it must work. :^)

[HairOfTheDog]

You can't judge a guy by the pickup line...

This one here turned into a marriage!

[jslade]

Attention FReeperettes. Especially the hotties. Ran across this hysterical website, rejectionhotline.com, which has 30 phone numbers in 30 cities across the country, which you can give the that absolute bore that keeps pestering you for you phone number. I have no interest in this site. To hear a sample number and message you can safely give them to get them off your back, here is one of them. 407-338-0036. And, don't blame me if you have to clean up your keyboard.

[razorback-bert]

Do you want to see something swell?