Would you be my friend?
I see you have chosen this time to thoroughly humiliate yourself in public.
You show your public school education proudly.
I'm sorry, I didn't know you was speekin Uboniks......... pleze fergiv my prebius tri at humer....
You know, the more I read that, the more I like it. I'll have to change my tag line for a while. Thanks!
Hey!! Are you the author of this old gem? I've always enjoyed it...
Having chosen english as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult - for example, cough, plough, rough, through, and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of change to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of a soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would reseive the news with joy. Then the hard 'c' would be replased by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written as 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where some komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v' vitsh is, after al half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kuld be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of de guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
DEAR MR. JHONS [Dixon wrote, gripping his pencil like a bread knife]. This is just to let you no that I no what you are up to with yuong Marleen Richards, yuong Marleen is a desent girl and has no tim for your sort, I no your sort. She is a desent girl and I wo’nt have you filing her head with a lot of art and music, she is too good for that, and I am going to mary her which is more than your sort ever do. So just you keep of her, Mr. Jhons this will be your olny warning. This is just a freindly letter and I am not threatenning you, but you just do as I say else me and some of my palls from the Works will be up your way and we sha’nt be coming along just to say “How do” you can bet. So just you wach out and lay of yuong Marleen if you no whats good for you, yours fathfully, Joe Higgins.He read it through, thinking how admirably consistent were the style and orthography. Both derived, in large part, from the essays of some of his less proficient pupils. ... Dixon wrote, “To:--Mr. Jhons,” and the address of the digs on a cheap envelope not specially bought for the purpose, sealed the letter up in it and then, griming his finger on the floor, drew a heavy smudge across the flap. Finally he stuck a stamp on, slobbering on it for further verisimilitude.
-- Kingsley Amis, Lucky Jim.
This guy is funny. His post reminds me of Jethro Bodine. haha!Bye, Mike Magoon.
"He's dead, Jim!"
Please let me know if you want ON or OFF my Viking Kitty/ZOT ping list!. . .don't be shy.
There! Everywhere!
ZOT
Sorry to hear about your problems, mike magoon. Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
good grief.
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Why yes, Colonel, I have successfully used this blackguard's diction to pinpoint the place of his origin. It was a rather simple exercise--that murder of the fair English language is endemic to one place alone--the DU.
"his messageboard at [crackle crackle]"
Darn. Now I'll never know if I was the sycho cop!
