Exposed as a Fraudulent Native American, Ward Churchill Embraces His Asian Female Heritage

2/8/5 | Ima Mamasan, Associated Press Typist

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BOULDER, Colo. - Stung by recent revelations that left his decades-old American Indian persona in tatters, controversial University of Colorado professor, Ward Churchill announced today that he is no longer claiming to be a Native American man. Appearing in a flowery satin kimono and faux kabuki hairstyle, Churchill revealed to the world that he has always been a petite Asian girl.

“For too long, I ran from my heritage, ashamed and outcast,” Professor Churchill told a gathering of his rapt, semi-literate, trustafarian followers, “The persecution I suffered, as an Asian woman, is a legacy of Eurocentric colonialism from which those of us who have endured it may never recover.”



Newly Asian Professor, Ward Churchill

Asked if the sudden change in Churchill’s ethnic background and sex bothered him, one of his loyal students, David Rhone answered simply, “Dude!” while his chronically-unemployed friend, Jo-Jo, tunelessly plucked a Japanese koto in inappropriate accompaniment.

“Shut up! You shut the f#ck up! He has a right to his free speech!” added a supporter known only as Firefly, before she jumped off the second story balcony to protest allegedly environmentally-destructive US agricultural practices.

“Why can’t you just leave him alone, hater! He’s suffered enough!” she moaned from the hood of the car she landed on. “I think my spine is broken and I don’t have healthcare, you fascists!”

“I just pray to Buddah that somebody will blow up a busload of school children so that those who are denied unending welfare payments can at last have the measure of retribution they so richly deserve,” muttered the professor as he desperately searched for a television camera.

[KOZ.]

Ima Mamasan, Associated Press Typist

too funny! thanks i needed that!

[aculeus]

We may not have "whitey" around too much longer if this report of his smearing the US Army by falsifying research holds up.

He's another Howard Dean, a gift that keeps on giving.

[festus]

Sadly this could be a true press article for all we know......

[Ben Hecks]

"He loves you long time!"

"You give me hipty dollar?"

[RippleFire]

LOL

[nutmeg]

ping!

Please FReepmail me if you want on or off my ‘miscellaneous’ ping list.

[LoudRepublicangirl]

Wow, this is something for all you male Freepers who like Asian women.

[SierraWasp]

Eeeeeeeeeuuuuuuuuuu! This is that tird in a punch bowl that thought all the 911 victims had it coming, right??? I wouldn't spit on the best part of 'em!!! LOL's, chuckles an snorts!!!

[hellinahandcart]

You're having too much fun, dead.

[Grampa Dave]

Yep, and he wasn't by himself.

That was a very common remark made the pseudo elites right after 9/11. It became bad karma to make remarks like that, and most backed away. This Masshole never backed away.

What is up setting is that he had been saying this bs since 9/11, and finally the heat is on him.

[skinkinthegrass]

HEHEHE..LOL! :^)

[dead]

This guy is my new favorite goofy leftist dumbass.

He's just a work of art. I want him to get his own TV show.

[Darnright]

I've always wanted to post to you two at the same time [GG}.

[Tijeras_Slim]

Friggin' hilarious.