Guess they should have stuck with the R. Lee Ermy doll!
Posted on 02/01/2005 1:38:01 PM PST by dighton
Fort Leonard Wood, MO - Famed six-inch tall war hero G.I. Joe, convicted last week by a military tribunal for insubordination, was executed here this morning. The execution was widely seen as another sign of the Defense Department's growing intolerance of political criticism by military personnel.
Joe, 34, a veteran of over 700 campaigns, was well known for his bravery under fire. He received over 250 purple hearts, including 53 for daring parachute-less jumps from the tree-house and two dozen plummets down the laundry chute. He also held the prestigious American Standard Medal of Honor for Navy SEAL missions in the Commode Theater.
A no-nonsense, crewcut loner with a jutting jaw, Joe was described by friend David Hackworth as "a real soldier's soldier, an honest-to-God throwback. You didn't mess with this grunt. He could kill you with his kung-fu grip."
Despite his record, Joe ran afoul of his superiors last month when he published an op-ed in Stars And Stripes, calling for the impeachment of President Clinton. In the article, Joe described the President as "a fat, disgusting sissy dope-smoking girlie man" who was "feeling up Malibu Stacy and cheering on the enemy while you and I were eating commie lead at Da Nang and getting chewed up by the neighbor's Rottweiler."
In conclusion, Joe suggested that fellow soldiers treat Clinton with the same respect "you usually reserve for retreating Iraqi war criminals." The strong words drew the wrath of Pentagon officials, who charged Joe with insubordination and hurting the feelings of a commanding officer. He was also charged with missing six mandatory group encounter sessions and insulting his tantric yoga instructor.
At his court-martial last week, he was quickly convicted and sentenced to death. His appeal was rejected by a military appeals court headed by First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton.
The mood for his execution this morning was somber, with the gray, drizzly November weather adding to the melancholy. Blindfolded, Joe refused a final candy cigarette, and forgave his executioners. As a distant drummer beat a staccato roll, Joe's tiny plastic head was removed with a deathly "thhhhhot."
A lit M-80 was placed inside his muscular torso, and with a final bang, G.I. Joe was no more.
"He has only Hasbro to answer to now," said witness and longtime friend Sgt. Fury.
The execution of Joe was widely interpreted as a warning to soldiers who had recently been more open in criticizing Commander-in-Chief Bill Clinton.
"The Defense Department hopes that this action will put the kibosh on any further contemptuous public statements by military personnel," explained Nigel Harrison of Jane's Defense Weekly. "When it comes to feelings toward Clinton, the military is enforcing a strict 'don't ask, don't tell' policy."
To be sure, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton have long maintained a strained relationship with the military. White House insiders, speaking on background, admit now that the relationship got off on the wrong foot when, on inauguration day, Mrs. Clinton screamed at her Marine guards for botching her leg-waxing.
The relationship deteriorated further when Mrs. Clinton took to calling the Marines "Jarhead," "Gomer," and "Baby Killer," and often gave them icy stares when inserting daisies in the barrels of their rifles.
For Mr. Clinton as well, military relations have been a long-standing problem. His efforts to extract himself from the draft while at Oxford were widely publicized, and recent revelations that he wore white lipstick, a mod polka-dot miniskirt and Nancy Sinatra-style white go-go boots to his 1968 draft board hearing further eroded his support within the ranks.
In his first act as President, Mr. Clinton invoked the wrath of some members of the military when he ordered full service-wide integration of transvestites. Some complained that the prevalence of beehive hairdos and high heels distracted from military decorum, and that the transvestites' bright eye shadow negated camouflage.
Feelings were further strained when Mr. Clinton appointed Yoko Ono as Secretary of Defense, and sent troops to difficult combat assignments in Sudan, Bosnia and Idaho. Matters were not helped when Defense Secretary Ono order troops to listen to her solo albums.
Indeed, open grumbling was heard on military installations when Mr. Clinton ordered gender-sensitive policies within the military, including 'female trouble leave,' 'Operation Oprah,' and the controversial 'No Shooting Back at Girls.'
The complaints became more overt when Mr. Clinton's lawyers argued during the Paula Jones case that, as a military official, Mr. Clinton was immune from a civil suit. Later his lawyers argued that as a civilian, he was not under the jurisdiction of military rules regarding adultery and sexual harassment. Reconciling these two arguments, Mr. Clinton's lawyer Robert Bennett explained that he was "kind of a military-civilian, a 'mivilian,' if you will. He wears a suit, and bosses around soldiers. Basically, like a dictator. "
While never as outspoken toward his military guard as his wife, Mr. Clinton has frequently complained privately about 'the uncomfortable looks' of his guard, according to a White House insider. He issued an order to his Marine guard, through his Chief of Staff, to "stop looking at me like that! Stop it! There! You're doing it again!"
Mr. Clinton, the master 'bridge builder,' has taken recent steps to mend his strained relationship with service personnel. "He practices daily to perfect his snappy out-of-the-helicopter salute," says a high ranking administration official. "And, he wears a stylish bomber jacket on chilly days. That really makes the troops proud."
Mr. Clinton also makes a annual November pilgrimage to Arlington National Cemetery, where he lays a wreath on the grave of the Unknown Campaign Contributor.
Mr. Clinton has also surrounded himself with some of the greatest non- combat minds in the career military. His closest military advisor, General Elmo Halftrack, has help Mr. Clinton reinvent himself with the services. He describes the Pentagon's rehabilitation plan as a four-phase process.
"First, we implemented the 'no contemptuous statements' policy, to reassure the world that the troops really love the President. In phase two, we eliminated distracting poll booths from base. In phase three, we deployed political officers to every unit, to guard against thought crime. In phase four, we distributed pin-up cheesecake and beefcake photos of the President and First Lady to personnel, to remind them what they're fighting for."
To drive the point home, the public address system at Ft. Leonard Wood instructed lingering soldiers to disperse at the conclusion of G.I. Joe's execution. It also reminded them that "G.I. Joe is an unperson. Repeat. Unperson. We are the new military. Protecting our glorious leader is the Prime Directive. Repeat. Protecting our glorious leader is the Prime Directive."
Three enlisted men, who gave their names only as Bailey, Pyle and Sack, quietly remembered G.I. Joe. "He was the last of a breed," said Bailey, the others nodding in somber agreement.
"It was probably for the best," added Pyle. "He would have hated these new blue helmets."
(c)1998 David Burge.
..was Lt. Barbie in Attendance?
Guess they should have stuck with the R. Lee Ermy doll!
R. Lee Ermey had to redeem himself big time after playing the Gay Coach in the atrocious Saving Silverman.
(Easier to spell than "Prescient!")
I'm pretty sure he'd play a child molesting tax cheat if it'd bring in a paycheck. He is an actor now, after all. Anyone who's seen him play the buffoon on mail call knows it. No one could be that much like Bob Saget--even Bob Saget.
Poor Joe. Now he has been captured by Arab terrorists.
GIJOE-meets-his-maker BUMP lol
A "New" bump...
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