Posted on 01/31/2005 7:54:08 PM PST by crushelits
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
Sometimes, jokes are ageless. Keep poundin' the keyboard, buddy.
Have you heard this one?
Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high
school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school;
did you manage to live a well planned life?"
"Oh yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire, my
second marriage was to an actor, my third marriage was to a preacher,
and now I'm married to a mortician."
Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a
well-planned life?"
"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to
go!"
"Have you heard this one?"
Very good. I'll see ya tomorrow. :-)
Bump....
Hey isn't that the lost Gilbert and Sullivan opera?
[To the tune of "Mister Ed"]
A host is a host
From coast to coast
And no one will talk to a host that's close
Unless the host
who isn't close
is busy, hung, or dead!
I guess. I've still got tears from all the laughin' on this page. P on your keyboard, indeed!
LOL!
A helicopter pilot in Seattle ran into severe problems: communications and navigation instruments out. He was flying strictly by VFR and was not aware of where he was in the city [new to the area]. He came upon a large building in Seattle, and wrote on a large poster board: 'Where am I?'
The people in the building wrote back on a large poster board they had: 'You are in a helicopter.'
The pilot immediately knew where he was, and was able to fly back to the airport/heliport he came from. After conveying part of this to a friend, the friend asked him: How did you figure out where you were?
The pilot replied: That's easy -- I knew I was at the Microsoft building. I knew what they told me was totally correct but useless information.
A man left for a holiday to Jamaica. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send her an e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her web address, he did his best to type it from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note went to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Your Loving Husband. PS. Sure is hot down here.
"All my life, I always wanted to be a somebody --Now I see I should have been more specific"
"Some mornings, it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps."
Him: What make of pickup?
Me: Chevrolet
Him: What year?
Me: 2001
Him: What model?
Me: Silverado 1500
Him: Regular cab, extended or crew cab
Me (getting impatient): Extended cab
Him: What size engine?
Me: FOR A TOOL BOX?
Him: I have to get the engine size
Me: Small V8
Him: Is that the 4.8 or the 5.3 liter?
Me: Which do you think is smaller?
Him: Standard or automatic?
Me: Automatic
Him: Four wheel drive?
Me: No.
Him: They don't list any tool boxes for this pickup
Me: You work in an auto parts store and don't believe that there's a toolbox made for a standard bed Chevrolet pickup?
Him: No sir. We don't have it in our computer.
Baloonist lost in the southern US yells down to local, "Hey can you tell me where I am." Local says, "I sure can, you're up thar in that basket."
Farmer calls fire department, "Hurry my barn's on fire!" Dispatcher, "Sir can you tell us how to get there?" Farmer, "Don't yall still have that big red truck?"
True or not it's true.
Or, as Dan Rather would say, "Fake but accurate."
The statements are true in this case even if the person didn't say them. In Rather's case there was no truth just his desire to believe his own fabrications.
I'm sure this is a joke....but it does give a little bit of insight into the mind -- of a booger-eating geek.
One of the first questions our customer support people are trained to ask is about the power...something along the lines of "Are the indicator lights on the (equipment)on?" or something along those lines. I'll guarantee you there are at least two a day who don't realize they've had a power outage.
During major storms the number of people who call to complain because "It just isn't working." who have no power increases dramatically, including people too stupid to own any device more complicated than a wheelbarrow or ball point pen.
"Me: You work in an auto parts store and don't believe that there's a toolbox made for a standard bed Chevrolet pickup?
Him: No sir. We don't have it in our computer."
That's what happens when people are trained to use the technology instead of think. Very funny, but sadly true.
"including people too stupid to own any device more complicated than a wheelbarrow or ball point pen."
There are more of those around everyday thanks to what's happening to publik educashen.
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