Why Would I Need MindGuard?

If you think protecting your hard drive from viruses is important, but give no thought to the safety of your mind, please consider the following:

* Secret agencies are conspiring to control your life and force you to live under a One World Government. The only thing stopping them are people of differing opinions.

* Alien forces are seeking to subjugate humanity to their dominion. Abductees commonly report having their memories/minds altered.

* Governmental regulations of questionable origin are forcing us to rid our world of lead based products and the benefits they hold.

* The rise in "Entertainment Attractions" in places such as Las Vegas and Florida (not to mention the continued growth of the granddad of them all: Disneyland) is creating concentration points where the populations of the world are herded together and subjected to intense psychological programming.

* The seemingly innocent babble of the Teletubbies is designed to appeal to very young children on an almost biological level inculcating in them the desire to live in a world where faceless voices command obedience under the ever-watchful gaze of Big Baby. Tinky Winky may be purple, but Po is most certainly Red.

* Sony (a megamultinational with a special interest in "intellectual property") has created a robotic dog -- named Aibo -- that it hopes will become humanity's new best friend. The dog communicates with its owners through hypnotic limb gyrations and high-pitched sonic blips that could easily contain subliminal programming. A Japanese dictionary at hand lists "aiboo" as meaning "accomplice".

Clearly, people's minds are in greater danger now than they have ever been in the history of our planet.

Quick Instructions For Building An AFDB


1 Get a five foot sheet of aluminum foil (standard one foot wide Reynolds Wrap brand will do nicely.)	2 Fold the sheet four times into five equal segments so that you end up with a 1x1 foot square, making sure that you fold over the dull side of the foil leaving the square shiny on both sides.

3 Use scissors to cut from one corner of the square to the center, making a straight line.	4 Bend the foil from one side of the cut under the other, making a slight cone. Again, make sure that the outside of the cone has a shiny side of the foil; this is VERY important.

5 Place the cone on your head and squash the top and sides to make it fit snugly.	6 Apply Scotch tape liberally making sure to secure the cut in the foil and any form-fitting creases made in step 5.
	These instructive diagrams are also available in an easy-to-print PDF format for non-comercial use by concerned educators and paranoid bill posters.
7 Use more tape to secure AFDB to your cranium.

A Note About The Shiny Side:

It can't be stressed enough how important it is to have the shiny side pointing out. This is needed because the shiny side is most reflective to psychotronic radiation, while the dull side can actually, in certain environmental conditions, absorb it. However, as is illustrated in the instructions above, it is also wise to complement this with a layer of foil pointing shiny side in. This will keep your brain waves, which are also reflected by the shiny side, from being picked up by mind-reading equipment. There is a small number of aluminum foil researchers who believe that this may cause an alpha-wave harmonic to build up in the skull resulting in memory loss or pseudo-religious visions, but their findings have never been replicated by the aluminum foil research community at large. Even if their findings are validated, the risk involved is small compared to the potential of mind-intrusion.

Foil Thickness:

How thick is your aluminum foil? Find out using Zapato Productions Intradimensional's (pops up into separate window, requires Javascript). If you do not have Javascript, use this formula (with grams and centimeters):

((mass / 2.702) / (width * length)) * 10000 = thickness in microns

If your foil is less than 16 microns, increase the number of layers used in construction.

Optional:

You may augment your AFDB with random bits of foil, wire, small electronic parts, etc..

Canadian coins should also be considered as they are high in nickel content. Nickel, while not having the psychotronic deflecting properties of aluminum (or even tin), can act to refract psychotronic beams, thereby helping to scrambling the mind control signals as they are deflected off of the underlying aluminum surface of the AFDB. This will result in a lowered chance of retransmission of the signal.

However, you should avoid American and European coins at all costs as they contain aluminum based mind control circuitry. Canadian coins are free of this threat mainly due to the Canadian government's choice of neglecting psychotronic research in favor of research into giant robotics.

Tips:

Tinsel is made of plastic and has no anti-psychotronic attributes.
Painting your AFDB won't degrade its abilities, so you can be mentally safe AND color-coordinated too! (However, see Corrosion below for important note about latex paint.)
"Beer can hats", though made out of aluminum cans, are not as effective as an AFDB since they have gaps inbetween the cans. You may, however, line a beer can hat with an AFDB or even glue the cans directly on an AFDB.

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