Posted on 01/30/2005 10:16:50 AM PST by TWohlford
Dear President Bush:
Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving.
California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the North East.
We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.
So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep the Governor; we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.
Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts. Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.
Sincerely,
California
Even in "ultra liberal LA", Bush got 40% of the vote. Some of the provincials on this thread can't help hide their jeolosy of the state by condemning everyone in it. Check the numbers, there are more conservatives in CA than either Texas or Florida.
Okay, okay, evacuate the hot chicks out of California, THEN make 'em secede.
And as far as wine goes, well, Texas wines (Llano, Lone Oak, Becker) and New Mexico wines suit both my taste and my budget a lot better anyway.
"Did I mention we produce about 70% of the veggies?"
Yea and it looks like they've learned to type!
The great state of Michigan gladly gives up the 13 blue of 83 total counties to the new "Blue Nation" that will soon recognize that someone will have to go to work. Maybe they can all work for their new government.
no need - everyone knows the hotties are all in Texas :)
Why give up any territory, let them go to france and apply for political assylum. The artsy fartsy type will be welcome with open arms as long as they bash the USA and praise France.
I still have high hopes of one day opening a glass bottom boat tour of Hollywood.
Home to Camp Pendleton, Miramar Air Force Base, and the USS Ronald Reagan!
Ding ding ding ding, We have a winner!
As a single, small voice, I'd like to remind everyone of the Pledge of Allegiance.
I Pledge Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God,indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Specifically, the part that reads, "...one Nation under God, indivisible..."
I may be speaking only for myself, but I find the idea of Red State, Blue State division offensive.
Okay, let the flaming begin.
The Red COUNTIES have all the guns, and the Blues have none. End of coup. Game over.
I lived in Texas for several years. The first thing that my wife and I realized is that Texas IS it's own country. I think the only reason that they remain a state is to get federal dollars for roads and bridges. We loved it. Texas is a great place!
as are most of the precincts in CAlif......the poster in just ignorant as most DUmmies are......more votes for Bush in CA than any other state.....44% Repub and rising
California fun fact....
California is home to both the highest point in the lower 48 states, Mt. Whitney and the lowest point, Barbara Boxer's integrity.
I actually live just north of Wilmington and have played for many years in the Greenville area - lots of money, DuPonts, and almost all Democrats.
LOL
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