Posted on 01/23/2005 11:57:30 AM PST by gortklattu
Just the Jokes, OK?
Johnny: "Sis - Boom - Bah
ED: "Sim - boom - bah
Johnny: What sound does an exploding sheep make?
LOL!
Do they even get 22?
"May a diseased yak drop its cud in your cuffs."
"May a weird holy man present you with a rubber figurine in the shape of your mother."
"May your only daughter marry a yak of a different faith."
Easily the funniest gag I ever saw was just after Reagan bombed Lybia. France refused to allow our jets to use their airspace. The next night Carson suggested American tourists avoid french airspace. The french were rather aggravated and the french embassy issued a terse statement. The next night Carson had on a ""french tourism envoy". Shortly after the guy started speaking Carson hit him in the face with a pie. OMG!!!! My heart stopped. We've just gone to war with france!?! Turns out the guy was just an actor playing a part. Classic.
You have made
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH NOISE
about the smoking issue involved with Johnny's death
that I am forced to conlude that you are a conflicted person within your own mind and emotions.
And/or you are very hostile and conflicted toward significant others in your life who differ with you about the smoking issue.
It's really sad that you seem compelled to selfishly take out your emotional conflicts over a deadly habit on this thread about wonderful humor and jokes from Johnny.
If you merely wanted to make a point, one comment would have done. But you rant on and on and on.
I suggest that if you are determined to smoke--at least be honest with yourself and others about it and give up the noisey rants based far more in fantasy and wish-fulfillment nonsense than in fact.
You sound determined to smoke regardless and to blazes with anyone who disagrees. So be it. Lots of people hasten their death in lots of ways whether by food, smoke, workaholism or fast drunken driving. But at least be honest with yourself and others about it.
Or, stop smoking. I doubt you can stop very easily at all. I read you as one of those people for whom smoking is an incredibly difficult habit to break--harder than a heroine habit to break.
In short--smoke and enjoy the prospect of an earlier-than-necessary death and shut-up all the whining and ranting about those who deplore that attitude. You are unlikely to change and they are unlikely to change. P*issing against the wind for the joy of getting wet doesn't seem very mature or rational.
Or, Stop smoking, live longer and be at peace.
Thanks. Facts are fresh air.
The passionately addicted are not likely to be influenced by facts.
But they will be happy to rant, whine and rail at the providers of facts.
Exceptions are hardly solid foundations for a good theory.
George Gobel, "You ever get the feeling that life is a tuxedo, and you are the pair of brown shoes?"
There was a double entendre exchange with Dyan Cannon about "cats", she was talking about her cat, and he was talking about "her cat". That set Dyan Cannon off into hysterical laughter for nearly 5 minutes. Johnny couldn't help it, she was wearing a short skirt.
It actually all started as a joke. Johnny Carson was doing his typical NBC Tonight Show monologue on December 19, 1973.source: http://home.nycap.rr.com/useless/toilet_paper/
Heeeere's Johnnnnnny....
Of course, Johnny, like most talk show hosts, had a staff that helped write his monologue. His writers had heard earlier in the day about a Wisconsin congressman named Harold Froehlich. Froelich claimed that the federal government was falling behind in getting bids to supply toilet paper and that "The United States may face a serious shortage of toilet tissue within a few months".
His writers decided to include a joke based on this quote in Carson's monologue. He said "You know what's disappearing from the supermarket shelves? Toilet paper. There's an acute shortage of toilet paper in the United States."
Too bad they couldn't see the consequence of this statement. You may not be aware if you are young, but the early 1970's was a time of shortages - oil in particular. The next morning, many of the 20 million television viewers ran to the supermarket and bought all the toilet paper they could find. By noon, most of the stores were out of stock! Stores tried to ration the stuff, but they couldn't keep up with demand.
Johnny Carson went on the air several nights later and explained that there was no shortage and apologized for scaring the public. Unfortunately, people saw all the empty shelves in the stores, so the stampede continued.
Scott Paper showed video of their plants in full production to the public and asked them to stay calm - there was no shortage. The video was of little help. The panic fed itself and continued.
They finally got the shelves restocked three weeks later and the shortage was over. It is the only time in American history that the consumer actually created a major shortage (I don't think that the "shortage" of Barbie or Power Ranger dolls at Christmas time could be classified as a real shortage!).
And to think that it all started as a joke.
Why didn't you just start a different thread in the chat area? My God. I couldn't care less for your off-topic tangent apology. You ranted about it in every Johnny Carson thread all day.
Karnack: Please, Karnack, must have complete silence.
Riiippppp
'Karnack' then delivers answer (long forgotten by now).....
Audience: dead quiet
Ed: hmmm, there is the complete silence that the great Karnack desired.
My favorite JC moment was during his interview with Diane Cannon. Apparently he had been dating her, and then she broke it off for some reason. She had since started dating some other star (who's name I can't recall). When she mentioned this to Johnny during the interview, he asked her "What does he have that I haven't got?". Dianne's face froze, eyes wide, and then she began to laugh hysterically. Carson's face was a red as I've ever seen it! He could take it as well as dish it out. That one was pretty damn funny to me.
You would be showing a bit of class if you saved your "Smoking-is-my-right-and-besides-it-never-hurt-no-one" crap for a more appropriate time.
Set up: Tommy was filling in for Doc, as often happened. The camera caught Tommy rubbing his eye and looking at the troublesome item that had been the source of his distraction.
Johnny: What's the matter Tommy? Having a bit of a problem?
Tommy: (pausing to scrutinize the object) "No, no problem, just had a pubic hair in my eye."
Johnny: roars with laughter, tears.... Cut to commercial
Johnny is now at his desk and continues the show.
What made that moment so memorial to me was, I can never recall another time when Johnny was speechless and a premature commercial break was taken.
I think one of the funniest bits was when Carson had a lady on that collected patato chips that were shaped like different things. ( lincolns profile and such) She had been collecting them for years. As she is explaining to the audience one of her favorites you can hear carson bite into a patato chip. There was a ghastly look of horror on this womans face and that suprised look from Johnny. Then with perfect comdedic timing he reaches behind the desk and pulls up his own bowl of chips like... " Oh sorry just having a snack" It was a perfect practicle joke.
You must feel real smug from one Conservative to another! If you had any 'class' you wouldn't even feel compelled to trash me like this. How does it feel to be a RINO?
And you are a liar my Conservative friend. I NEVER said smoking never hurt anyone. Carry on!
"Take the Slawson cutoff until you get to the.........
FORK in the road."
The finish:
"...Then get out of the car and cut of your slawson"
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