[paleocon patriarch]

Halachah (Jewish law) defines a Jew as one whose mother is Jewish, or who has converted according to religious law.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
"Wonderful. What part is it?"
The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
< / rimshot >

[Red Sea Swimmer]

Very funny.