War is hell.
Never am I as ashamed to be Yankee-born-and-raised as to see these apologists for the invasion of the southern states.
I would suggest then that perhaps the south should not have started the war if they weren't prepared to accept the outcome. Things don't always work out as you would like them to.
The South did not start the war. The North refused to vacate areas it was occupying, even with ample warning to leave. Lincoln very successfully started a war he wanted.