Posted on 01/13/2005 4:53:28 AM PST by Jim Noble
A few years ago at a White House Correspondents' dinner, I met a very beautiful actress. Within moments, she blurted out: "I can't believe I'm 46 and not married. Men only want to marry their personal assistants or P.R. women."
I'd been noticing a trend along these lines, as famous and powerful men took up with the young women whose job it was to tend to them and care for them in some way: their secretaries, assistants, nannies, caterers, flight attendants, researchers and fact-checkers.
Women in staff support are the new sirens because, as a guy I know put it, they look upon the men they work for as "the moon, the sun and the stars." It's all about orbiting, serving and salaaming their Sun Gods.
In all those great Tracy/Hepburn movies more than a half-century ago, it was the snap and crackle of a romance between equals that was so exciting. Moviemakers these days seem far more interested in the soothing aura of romances between unequals.
In James Brooks's "Spanglish," Adam Sandler, as a Los Angeles chef, falls for his hot Mexican maid. The maid, who cleans up after Mr. Sandler without being able to speak English, is presented as the ideal woman. The wife, played by Téa Leoni, is repellent: a jangly, yakking, overachieving, overexercised, unfaithful, shallow she-monster who has just lost her job with a commercial design firm. Picture Faye Dunaway in "Network" if she'd had to stay home, or Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" without the charm.
The same attraction of unequals animated Richard Curtis's "Love Actually," a 2003 holiday hit. The witty and sophisticated British prime minister, played by Hugh Grant, falls for the chubby girl who wheels the tea and scones into his office. A businessman married to the substantial Emma Thompson falls for his sultry secretary. A writer falls for his maid, who speaks only Portuguese.
(I wonder if the trend in making maids who don't speak English heroines is related to the trend of guys who like to watch Kelly Ripa in the morning with the sound turned off?)
Art is imitating life, turning women who seek equality into selfish narcissists and objects of rejection, rather than affection.
As John Schwartz of The New York Times wrote recently, "Men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses, and evolution may be to blame."
A new study by psychology researchers at the University of Michigan, using college undergraduates, suggests that men going for long-term relationships would rather marry women in subordinate jobs than women who are supervisors.
As Dr. Stephanie Brown, the lead author of the study, summed it up for reporters: "Powerful women are at a disadvantage in the marriage market because men may prefer to marry less-accomplished women." Men think that women with important jobs are more likely to cheat on them.
"The hypothesis," Dr. Brown said, "is that there are evolutionary pressures on males to take steps to minimize the risk of raising offspring that are not their own." Women, by contrast, did not show a marked difference in their attraction to men who might work above or below them. And men did not show a preference when it came to one-night stands.
A second study, which was by researchers at four British universities and reported last week, suggested that smart men with demanding jobs would rather have old-fashioned wives, like their mums, than equals. The study found that a high I.Q. hampers a woman's chance to get married, while it is a plus for men. The prospect for marriage increased by 35 percent for guys for each 16-point increase in I.Q.; for women, there is a 40 percent drop for each 16-point rise.
So was the feminist movement some sort of cruel hoax? The more women achieve, the less desirable they are? Women want to be in a relationship with guys they can seriously talk to - unfortunately, a lot of those guys want to be in relationships with women they don't have to talk to.
I asked the actress and writer Carrie Fisher, on the East Coast to promote her novel "The Best Awful," who confirmed that women who challenge men are in trouble.
"I haven't dated in 12 million years," she said drily. "I gave up on dating powerful men because they wanted to date women in the service professions. So I decided to date guys in the service professions. But then I found out that kings want to be treated like kings, and consorts want to be treated like kings, too."
E-mail: liberties@nytimes.com
"Well, if mommy looks like this, maybe:"
Oh Momma are you cruel! That picture brought tears to my eyes!
It's actually taken from a speech given by a Reagan cabinet member. It caused a big stink in the media. I figured the political types would pick up on it.
Well said.
Wow...sounds like a really nice way to live. Thanks for the post.
No, I'm not dense. One, do you really think he won't ever notice? Two, what do you do then? Once he detects what you're doing, you will have a huge problem.
But the most basic question is, why do it at all? After all, even if he never notices, you'll always know you weren't straight with him.
Just curious, should a man go through life looking for a woman that won't love his as much as his mom did?
1. A man's mom loved him - should he look for a woman like her?
2. A man's mom loved him - he shouldn't look for a woman like her?
3. A man's mom didn't love him - should he look for a woman like her?
4. A man's mom didn't love him - he shouldn't look for a woman like her?
Now, considering that we are talking about familial love, wouldn't you be a bit suspicious of man #2? Wouldn't you be really suspicious of man #3? And man #4 would tend to seek a woman "who loved him" - like man #1's mother!
Folks, I think its much easier than that. Men and women both work hard, they come home, and for me at least, the last thing I want is someone who isn't willing to
1. Have a sense of humor about it.
2. At least split the work.
As long as you can still laugh together about your situation, there will still be a spark no matter how old you get.
I watched my Dad work three jobs and come home to a shrew that I encouraged him to leave. He didn't. He took a vow. Big lesson for me and many who were either products of divorce or wished that they were.
CZJ sets the standard.. But my heart belongs to Renee Russo. :)
Best visual methaphor I've read in a long time. An excellent turn of phrase, right up there with many a Steyn-ism, and that's no faint praise. So, what was Mo saying about intelligent men? :)
Heard that, ran into my share when I was in Corporate America. Only thing they are good for is bending over in the stairwell.
I just wish she'd get the beer sometimes.....(humor off..)
Your wife and I might be secret sisters..................(J/K)
DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGGG!!!
We have a winner!
Naw. Dowd's just angry because she turns men off and she doesn't understand why. Most men, when it comes down it, want a woman they can talk to about important things, but who will get down and dirty when the situation warrants. Most women seem to instinctually understand this.
Know your husband's FR username?
8^D
You know, I was sort of distracted when reading. Didn't even realize she was the author. She's crazy as a cootie. Thanks for pointing out the source!
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