Posted on 01/11/2005 6:46:32 AM PST by mhking
Religious Action Figures? Huh?
In the same vein as HanoverBaptist.org and Betty "I'm A Better Christian Than You" Bowers, comes the apparently fictional Jesus Christ Superstore. The primary item up for "sale" are action figures for all the world's major religions.
The Christian section includes figures of "God Almighty," complete with Kingdom-Come Kalashnikov AK-47 assault rifle and wearing the "Hallowed cloak of invulnerability." There are also figures of "The Pope" (with Holy Cross Kali sticks, 'Meek and Mild' Walther PPK handgun and wearing his blood red Vatican Assault uniform) and Jesus Christ (includes Ninja-Messiah throwing nails and Death Killer-Cross pump action over-under shotgun).
Christians aren't the only ones these folks have gone after. Buddhists (Buddha, with Fighting Staff of Meditation, Magnum66 automatic Nirvana pistol, and Invincible Holy Orange Cape of Enlightenment; and Dalhi Lama, with 'Tibetan terror'AK-12 automatic machine pistol, Magnum66 automatic Nirvana pistol (complete with transcendental silencer), also fire and forget self-enlightening laser), Hindus (Krishna, with 'Jungly Colt' 45 pistol and laser sighted automatic 'Ganesh-garnish' S&W with silencer; and Shiva, In Four-Armed warrior incarnation with Untouchable-Toucher Uzi automatic), Jews (Chief Rabbi, with 'Kosher Kill' sniper automatic handgun and Jehova mklll silencer, also Staff of the Vengeful God), and even the vaunted 'religion of peace' (The Ayatollah, with Holy Struggle SZ-924 stun gun, 'Pokem' harpoon pistol and wearing Kohmeni Midnight Warrior yashmak; "Islamic Jihad," with Smith and Islamabad SLR rifle with 'Holy Vision' laser sight and plastic explosives included; and Allah, represented by an empty box and the caption "He who may not be shown") are shown.
Each figure has a caption above it, from "Cosmic Warrior and lover of many women" above the Krishna figure to "His is the kingdom, the power and the glory" above the God Almighty figure. Some of them might be considered to be out of line ("the father, the son, and the bad motherf..." over the Jesus Christ figure), but I'm guessing that this is the "next" religious satire site to try to offend everybody. After all, their overall slogan is "Putting the fun back into fundamentalism and laughter into sectarian slaughter."
I meant Landover, thanks!
I don't. It shows too much deference to the Islamic "Allah has no image".
They didn't respect the Christian tradition of the undepictablity of the Father (God Almighty--I don't think they had the wit to have duplicated an Ancient of Days icon, actually a peculiar icon of Christ--and the use of a third-person version of the priest's doxology at the end of the Our Father makes it clear they mean the 'God Almighty' action figure to be the Father), so why should they respect the Muslims' undepictablity convention? (Though I am sort of grimly delighted that they got the caption on Jesus' one 'weapon' correct "Death-Killer Cross" echoes "trampling down Death by death" in the Troparion of Pascha.)
I bet Elijah's Tie Fighter is cool.
You mean THIS one?
Maybe he's been beheaded by mistake?
Does playing with the Nativity Scene count as Action Figures?
I gave my mother-a nonsectarian Catholic-the Moses and Jesus versions figures as birthday and Christmas presents, respectively, and she loved them!
ping.
Did your Baby Jesus come with a Kung-Fu grip like mine did ?
There is definitely a "niche market" for Judaic action figures that needs to be filled!
Yes, I can definitely see a "Lubavitcher Rebbe" action figure, Messiah and non-Messiah versions. And the "GI Jew" IDF Haredi Nahal figure, complete with kippah and machine gun. And the ZAKA action figure with flourescent vest and body bags (is that too grotesque?).
And for the girls, the "shlucha" action figurette with hat, wig, candlesticks, and assorted outfits, including karate class pajamas.
I know what you mean, though!
I used to have a little figurine of Pope John Paul II, but the kids broke it playing basketball in the dining room.
I disagree. The reason they did that is that the Muslim faith forbids any image of Allah or Muhammed to be shown. It's still funny, and it doesn't desecrate any closely-held belief. If they had "shown" Allah, they'd have to show Mary having per-marital sex to give fair "comic" treatment to Christianity.
"per-" = "pre-"
Those naughty little Protestants !
Wow! A lot of the stuff on the site is already sold out!
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