In Missouri where I was born, there were no nicey, nicey make up feelings after the second war of independence. It was the Balkans before, during, and for many a decade afterwards. The book and movie titled, "Ride With The Devil" best depicts it all.
Come to think on it, to this day in some parts, it still does not pay to scratch too far beneath the thin veneer of civility, old and bitter hatreds die hard.
I understand your Missouri comment very well. In my childhood in Kansas we didn't trust those Damn' Redlegs who had burned Lawrence twice. That was some 80 years after the war.
In those days I lived within a few miles of the site of the Battle of Mine Creek. Now I am located almost exactly where Price tried to cross the Big Blue.
On the north side of MO Highway 119 is a gate with two stone towers. One (on the left) supports a pole always flying the American flag. The other supports a pole with the Confederate Battle flag. I must admire the person who keeps these two flying.