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Over the Top

The following story is completely true. It really is.

Right off I should confess that I have been a bit stressed out lately, a bit on edge. You see, I’ve been very concerned about the Governor’s race. Our candidate has lost two vote counts and the third doesn’t exactly look like it is going to be a slam-dunk victory for Mrs. Gregoire either.

At any rate, this is what happened. This morning. I woke up, once again my mind preoccupied by this election. I was thinking it would take a miracle to get our candidate elected. Heading for the door I realized that I didn’t have my car keys. Oh geez, where could they be? I looked everywhere; finally I realized I had taken a little nap on the couch last night, and that’s when I started digging around behind the cushions. Well this is where it gets a bit crazy. The car keys were there, alright but what happened next I just can’t explain. When I pulled up the cushion I couldn’t believe my eyes! Five ballots all filled out and ready to go. And the best part was that three of the five were for Christine!

I’ve got to tell you, I just shook my head in disbelief and headed out the door. Little did I know that this craziness was just beginning. Off in the distance I saw my dog Buddy playing with something in a mud puddle. “Buddy” I yelled, “here boy”. Buddy looked at me then glanced down and picked up the disgusting thing he was playing with and bounded over to me.

“What in the world is that?” I thought. As he got closer I realized that it was a matted ball of paper that looked like it had been dragged through a gutter. Covered with mud, stained and barely legible I unwrapped the bedraggled ball of BALLOTS! “Oh my god this is just getting too weird”. I thought to myself.

Well I spread them out on the grass and cleared off as much of the mud as I could. I examined the seven ballots. Three for Gregoir, and four for Rossi. It’s true that it was a bit hard to discern, but when I looked at them at just the right angle, I was pretty sure that the box for Gregoire was probably checked.

Then I took a quick look at the Rossi ballots. Yep I thought, definitely for Rossi. But what a mess. I quickly ran over to my recycle bin and dropped in the Rossi ballots. The bin was a bit out of the way but “hey!” Ask anyone, I care about the environment and it was the right thing to do!

As I pulled out of the driveway and headed in to work I turned the heater on the dash and aimed it at the still moist Gregoire ballots. As I drove on I wondered how I would get these to the right place to be counted. Up ahead I spotted “Jimmy” the guy who panhandles at the stop sign. I gotta tell you, I like Jimmy. Lord knows he is a mess and I know what he spends his money on but I give him the odd dollar on occasion anyway.

Well I wasn’t really in the mood today but what the heck, I realized that I couldn’t avoid him so I rolled down the window and reached for my wallet. How are you doing Jimmy I inquired, handing him a dollar. I am doing OK Sir replied Jimmy. “Sir”he continued, “you have always been so good to me over the years and I really wanted to do something special for you”. At that he reached in to his coat and pulled out a stained envelope and handed it over. I was going to try to trade them for beer he confessed, but then I saw you drive up and I had to give them to you. I looked doubtfully at the envelope and slowly opened it. The smell of stale alcohol hit me full force as I removed the grubby ballots. Yep fifteen of them! Most of them for Gregoire. This has got to be a dream I thought. Completely stunned I continued to work.

Now if this had been the end of my day it would have been the most magical of my life. But it wasn’t over yet. The rest of my morning was like most, fairly uneventful. But after lunch my chocolate craving kicked in and I headed out the door to the corner market. Looking at the candy selection I spied a huge chocolate bar. I don’t think I have ever seen a chocolate bar that big. Well I paid for that sucker and headed back to my office.

Sitting at my desk I slowly unwrapped the chocolate bar. The chocolate was rich and delicious. But what was that? Something under the bar caught my attention, it was like a cardboard liner but gold in color I pulled out a solid gold ballot with Christine Gregoire’s name checked. I literally fell off my chair, and it was then that it hit me. This was it, the one ballot that was needed to put us over the top. I jumped up on my chair and shouted to my co-workers. Were over the top, were over the top!!!

Well I guess we get to keep the “chocolate” factory”, I chuckled to myself.

Harsh words from my clock radio woke me from my slumber. A talk radio talk show host was jabbering away with that voice I loved to hate. Apparently he was reassuring some disgruntled caller. That’s right Mam, yes Mam I do think the Democrats are a “bit over the top”In fact, I think they are WAY over the top” but don’t worry, the Republicans will sue if any more votes are “found” and yes he continued, Deano Rossi will be our governor, mark my words! “Oh well”, I thought as I rolled out of bed. “A guy can dream can’t he?”

(I was more sure of the outcome when I wrote this)