Posted on 01/04/2005 12:24:26 PM PST by Keyes2000mt
The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.
While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.
The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.
There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.
We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.
On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.
To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.
Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.
Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.
The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.
Secular Action
The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.
The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.
Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.
Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.
I take it you're for criminalizing homosexual relations then, as well?
I'd consider myself amongst the chiefest of sinners, except that that would be tooo lofty and arrogant of me.
conservatism is as varied as people, or almost.
For sure.
I really don't know if I have any better ideas. I just know that the notion of taxation, therefore creating another bureaucracy is totally idiotic.
Except when I come across an article such as this, I don't even think about the subject of divorce. Been there, done that and got the t-shirt 16 years ago........I'm more interested in my marriage, my daughter and my life to worry about the attitudes of others about the fact that I have been divorced.
For a lot of clucking self-righteous folks, I think the marriages end a lot earlier than the divorces. Denying that fact while failing to correct it makes for an excruciating misery.
Forgiveness really is available.
Confession and receiving of forgiveness as well as extending it so that one may/will receive it
are required by The Lord.
The idea of an all-girl boarding school is a joke........
However, I did go to an all girl HS and we had few if any of the feared "lesbian" phases. And over the course of the past 25 years I've had numerous conversations with former classmates about the subject, and we all laugh at the idea.
I was one of 3-4 kids in grade school who were divorced.
Jr High and High school several more joined the 'club.'
But it was never like today.
Is ShadowDancer related to UFO's?
Congrats on the custody.
And thanks for trying until you succeeded. I super admire and respect that.
"But, alas, those who need to remember that most are those that will fail to see themselves in our comments."
You're preaching the gospel there. I'm glad I was raised Roman Catholic and never had to deal with having those of my faith judge me. We have our problems, but we don't force feed our religion on others and make them regurgitate our beliefs. Oh well, what can you do? I'm willing to let them believe what they want, but I just want the same respect without them beating me over the head with "the good book".
I don't know how you ever heard that I was a sweetheart (someone's been lying to you) but I thank you for the compliment.
I was fortunate to not have any children and so I always have much compassion and concern for those that do.
But my compassion and concern diminishes greatly when it comes to those who choose to judge others they do not know.
People need to marry for the right reasons and to take marriage seriously.But,nobody should stay married to someone who beats them,cheats on them,becomes an addict of some kind and ruins everyone else's lives;refusing to get help/change.Staying married to such people is the SIN,not divorcing them.
I've been called a "JEZEBEL" by a nutter on this thread,who knows far less about anything at all,than he suspects. Draconian measures for people such as that,might help the world in general. :-)
Societies' moral pendulum has swung back and forth,since mankind began.Cultural norms need to change,before almost everyone (you can never get EVERYONE to accept anything!)lets go of today's ideas;sadly. But never fear,they will change...they always do.The best we can do,is to bring up our children to do the right things and the rest of the world be damned.
"This is just one of those "denial is the first symptom" fallacies."
No, it's a well-known psychicatric phenomenon. One of the few that's not even in dispute.
There are some co-ed boarding schools,where they still watch the kids like hawks and an all girl's boarding school won't protect her...they DO have activities with "brother" schools. :-)
We have enough research under our belts now, we can predict pretty accurately which marriages will fail. I haven't read the particulars in a while but it's a very refined science at this point.
I think the key factors are not even that many. Maybe sometime this week I'll try and look them up.
Many,many thanks! :-)
eeeewwwwww,
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