The Sin of Divorce

Renew America ^ | 01/04/2005 | Adam Graham

[Keyes2000mt]

The words were said countless thousands of times last year as a minister concluded the ceremony. "What God hath joined together, let no man put asunder." But so often man and woman do.

While gay marriage has been roundly condemned in most churches (and rightly so), you will not hear much about divorce. In many cases, if divorce is discussed in church, it's talked about as this horrible circumstance that comes upon people, listed in the same breath as automobile accidents or serious illnesses.

The Bible is quite clear on the issue of divorce. Malachi 2:16 says it clearly, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that He hateth putting away (i.e. Divorce)..." Hate's a strong word and Christ reiterates this in the New Testament. Yet, in the church, even in Conservative churches, a man is more likely to feel uncomfortable with pierced ear than with a couple divorces behind him.

There's good reason why the church and conservatives are skittish about this topic. There's no one who doesn't know someone who's been divorced. They fill our church pews every Sunday. We know them to be decent folks who agree with us on a lot of cultural issues. Randall Terry, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all been divorced.

We also know folks who have been victimized by their ex-spouse: abused, cheated on, and treated like dirt. Or, perhaps you dear reader have had a divorce where you weren't at fault and that you didn't choose.

On the other hand, most Christians know very few homosexuals and even less know homosexuals who'd like to get married. The odds of a pastor offending a large tither whose gay and wants to get married is quite small.

To say our current divorce rate is a national sin is not to say that all divorcees are to be condemned and treated as despicable outcasts. The church should be compassionate, but even as Christ said, "Go and sin no more," It must be proactive in dealing with divorce.

Divorce must be taught against strongly in the church. The church as a community should be dedicated to helping preserve the marriages of the church. Strengthening the marriages of believers should be considered as important if not more so than evangelism. Children of broken homes often wander spiritually and in many cases fall from faith. Thus, a large church may win 100 converts, but if it produces 40 broken homes in the same year that leads to 100 angry and embittered children, it is not truly building the Kingdom of God.

Also, church discipline should be used when appropriate for those who divorce without just cause and refuse reconciliation efforts. Watching Cornerstone Television, I saw former NFL player and Pastor of Antioch Bible Church Ken Hutcherson. He organized the Mayday for Marriage rally in Washington, DC opposing gay marriage. Call him anything you like, but don't call him a gay-hating hypocrite. Hutcherson said that in the past year, he'd censured five members of the church, including some for ending marriages without just cause.

The structure of most Protestant Churches is anti-authoritarian and the idea of church discipline is scary to most of us as we've heard horror stories about how cults have abused it. However, desperate times call for desperate measures and a biblical use of church discipline could aid in preserving marriages.

Secular Action

The devastating number of divorces is an area where the interests of church and state collide. Studies have shown that divorces lead to economic problems for states and communities, as well as the long term problems that come from children of broken marriages. It's no accident that the richest states are those with the lowest divorce rates.

The fact is that anyone who finds themselves in a bad marriage made a mistake at one time or another. Half the time, their biggest mistake was getting married in the first place. To prevent these bad matches or to help get the marriage off on a better start, marrying couples should be required to undergo several hours of marriage classes and/or marital counseling from a licensed minister or marriage counselor.

Secondly, no-fault divorce laws must be reformed. Marriage is the most important relationship a person has legally, yet it has all the force and effect of a month-to-month lease thanks to no-fault divorce laws. The laws should be reformed so a no-fault divorce can only be obtained if both parties consent. This would also reduce the court costs associated with issues of custody and division of the property as a no-fault divorce could only be obtained if both parties were agreed on it.

Those who believe in gay marriage have pointed to divorce as an argument against those who seek to protect marriage from same sex unions. I reject the argument that one evil prospering requires that we allow another blow to traditional family values. However, preserving the family is about more than one single issue and if we're going to be serious about it, we have to address all the issues that threaten the survival of the Family.

[Quix]

Just curious . . .

Are fiesty, haughty, smug

insults

--a hobby? or
--an avocation? or
--a career? or maybe
--an obsessive compulsion?

[Quix]

I think it should be harder to get into, too. But also, that shacking up would not be so easy and convenient.

The HOW in a free society is exceedingly problematic . . . at least until the idiots begin to realize that

THERE IS NO

FREEDOM

WITHOUT RESPONSIBILITY.

[american colleen]

I'm with ya, Frank. I too was shocked at how many social conservatives are divorced.

I am one sinner who believes that the institution of marriage should be strengthened for not only the good of the children but for civilized society in general. Divorce should be discouraged, especially in marriages where minor children are relevant.

Yes, allowing for the minority of marriages where there is extreme mental cruelty, physical abuse, adultery, desertion, etc. I'm at the age where friends are divorcing and each couple divorced because they were unhappy and didn't want to spend the rest of their life in that marriage - all have minor children. I can't think of one of them who is actually happier divorced. The kids sure aren't any better for it.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

What does that have to do with anything? I agreed with the statement: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Don't you? It's scriptural, Frank. How you could then accuse me of twisting scripture takes some serious pretzel logic. That is why I think you just wanted to name me and give me crap, and THAT is why I think you're a re-tread.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

As for the concept of me being a re-tread, I imagine you mean that I am previously divorced. I am happy to tell you that I have been married for over 13 years and my fifth child is due in three weeks.

No, that's not what "re-tread" means around here. And by the way, I'm not divorced either. And I've been married longer than you have.

You DO know that "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" is in scripture, right?

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

People who go out of their way to personally name others and create issues out of thin air often are.

[DaGman]

Horse hockey. Damn, self righteous author needs to mind his own business instead of declaring that people have sinned.

[Lazamataz]

And another thing... you must obviously have nothing better to do than print, read, and criticize others in your leisure. I suggest looking up a church in your local neighborhood to give your sermons.

Ginifer, you really ought to do something about your irritibility. Ever bought any Midol?

[Lazamataz]

You MariaBush have some nerve! Your self-righteous sanctimonious ramblings.

Isn't irony ironic?

[hushpad]

But also, that shacking up would not be so easy and convenient. <<<

I remember back when those who were shacking up were pretty much "trash". Now there are plenty of couples who want to try the merchandise out before they buy and it's considered SOP by society in general.

Shacking up, IMO, is a major contributer to the breakdown of Marriage. Living together does not reflect real Marriage as its advocates claim. It is simply a convenience for those who lack the ability and fortitude to make a lasting commitment.

[Quix]

WELL SAID.

Living with one foot out the door is not a great way to build trust.

Without enormous trust, intimacy is impossible.

When intimacy is supposedly the goal, yet one foot is maintained out the door, delusions abound; hurts are not far behind.

[hushpad]

When intimacy is supposedly the goal, yet one foot is maintained out the door, delusions abound; hurts are not far behind.<<<

This is exactly how I see it!

The trust that comes when you know the other will ALWAYS be there creates an environment where anything can be overcome. It's also a great incentive to get along with one another, to communicate, to provide real love, not just "romantic" love.

[k2blader]

Sorry this is such a late post--I'm trying to do a little catch up.

I've always enjoyed discussing moral issues, and that was my interest on this thread. You are right that your choices and beliefs are entirely your own, as are any of ours.

Since this thread is pretty much over and your gentle post gave me pause, let me just say I wish you joy and all the best in life.

[URist]

I am a Christian man who attends a couple of Pentecostal churches and I've met several divorced people. Most of the time in the U.S. it is the woman that initiates the divorce, although I have heard of several men that have initiated divorces, and in some instances both people mutually agree to divorce. Even if the woman you marry is really nice, there's no guarantee that she won't divorce you, even though you are faithful and try to treat her well. In 2001, a Pentecostal woman friend who is an absolute sweetheart to her friends, separated from her Pentecostal husband, citing words that he had said. She later divorced him. In 2004, another really affectionate woman who was a music leader in a church that I attend separated from her Christian husband. She stopped attending that church for the time being and has remained separated even though there is no evidence of adultery or physical abuse by the husband. While I'm not going to judge these women, but I am concerned that if they don't seek reconciliation with their husbands, that they may lose their future places in Heaven if Conditional Security is true.

The divorce problem in North America is leading many North American men to seek wives from Asian and South American countries in which it is rare for women to divorce. This will mean that more American women who want to marry will be unable to.