Posted on 12/16/2004 3:12:12 AM PST by Sub-Driver
DEMOCRATS EMBARK ON FACT-FINDING MISSION TO NASCAR Ted Kennedy Leads Delegation on Historic Journey
Boldly going where no member of their party has ever gone before, key Democratic Party leaders embarked today on an historic fact-finding mission to Nascar.
The Nascar visit, the first ever undertaken by Democratic officials, took place only after party leaders devoted several months of research to determine precisely what Nascar was.
“Once we learned that Nascar involved cars and racing, and apparently had millions of fans, we looked at each other and said, ‘We must learn more,’” said DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe.
The Democratic delegation to Nascar, headed up by Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D- Mass), was then selected by “drawing straws,” Mr. McAuliffe said.
After undergoing a six-week course in Nascar slang, customs and rituals, Sen. Kennedy and the other Democrats left for their mission in a forty-foot-long Plexiglas camper reminiscent of Pope John Paul II’s “Popemobile.”
Speaking through a public address system from inside the fortified camper, Sen. Kennedy addressed Nascar fans who had gathered at the Homestead-Miami Speedway.
“Citizens of Nascar, we come in peace,” boomed Sen. Kennedy. “Please join us for a wine and cheese reception before this thrilling contest begins.”
The Democrats’ diplomatic overtures to Nascar were marred somewhat, observers said, when Sen. Kennedy’s camper broke down, blocking all access to the speedway’s restrooms.
But Mr. McAuliffe still declared the mission a success, adding that the Democrats would soon make historic fact-finding trips to Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Red Lobster.
(Excerpt) Read more at borowitzreport.com ...
Will it now be the Sprint-NEXTEL cup, by the way?
I guess Ted Kennedy is looking for more fertile "hunting ground" now that the "snake pit" is closed at Indy.
I see Congressional regulation/interferance coming.
This article concludes with the usual lame joke about Cheney being the real person in control. Do anyone but Democrats believe this? (they'll believe anything)
Then again, maybe they're just trying to get Teddy some first class driving instruction...or was that diving instruction?
Although, I grant you the headline wasn't far off from what the democrats have been talking about, what with their "we have to find a way to communicate our values."
Too Funny!!!
Wine and cheese for the NASCAR crowd!! LOL!!!!
It begs the question - was Kerry there?
Up yours, Andy!
Or in the immortal words of JF'nK, "Who among us does not enjoy NASCAR?" (which to me was even funnier than the "I voted for it before I voted against it" line).
KInd of creepy when people around here actually think bunk like this real..eh.
Maybe Ted could drive a Nascar vehicle. Some Jack Daniels tie the steering wheel to go left and hope there isn't a pond or lake in the infield.
We also have a fair number of people who still believe "anonymous sources" in the New York Times, Washington Post, and CNN.
Sometimes I get a bit discouraged, if you know what I mean.
Yes I know. However, the lame joke persists and has been repeated so many times it's humor value has long since passed.
Sorry, you were the last one on the thread and so I directed my reply to you. If you scroll up, you will see a fair amount of people who are replying to this story as if it is real.
"Ah, Ted, where's the Oldsmobile?"
Ted's reply: "Well GM dropped the Oldsmobile line from production last year."
Okey-dokey for the sheeple that just don't get it.
NASCAR sorta like IBM, GM
Can you imagine Kerry driving a NASCAR? Holy shi'ite. That F'n turd would wipe out the pit crew. He wouldn't even know where the clutch is. The excuse for a man is such a JO, ... okay, relax. Nevermind.
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