Posted on 12/15/2004 5:21:34 AM PST by crushkerry
It's "Shower Day" here at the Most Annoying Liberal Pundit tournament. Why? Because today's contestants are some of the most noxious, vile and sleazy pundits in the business. Just listening to them makes you feel dirty enough to shower - but all are trying to make it into the "Sweet 16".
The marquee matchup today is the odorous Al Franken versus the longtime socialist loon columnist Molly Ivins, who wouldn't know an original thought if it smacked her in the face. If that's not enough, we've got tin-foil-hat wearing Keith Olbermann against granola girl Janeane Garofalo.
You know how "strong" the field is today, when we don't mention Dan Rather till the fourth paragraph of the intro. Dame Judy will be trying to unseat him, and we have a battle of one network anchor from another country, and one raving lunatic American commentator who wants to secede.
Read below to get the most cutting, scathing and hilarious analysis of these matches as well as a link to all results to date and an updated and interactive bracket.
Analysis: Judy better bring her "A" game. Nobody else in this tournament has had the benefit of such good timing as Gunga Dan coming into this tournament, given the fact that as it began he announced his retirement. Now there are reports that the big CBS in-house review is coming out soon which will further embarrass this clown. But don't count Judy out. She's already taken out one member of the New York Times Bob Herbert, and she'd like nothing better than to put another scalp on her wall. And we all know how vicious liberal women can be.
Dan Rather (#3 Seed) Of course "Hurricane Dan's" latest stunt of using forged documents to try and bring down Bush 43 led to his "retirement". But his high seed is attained by years of left wing hackery posing as journalism. It started when he goaded President Nixon till Nixon swatted back at him, and continued through the 80's when Bush 41 knocked him on his a$$ for Dan's petulance and cry baby tactics when the French Open ran long. His fawning interviews with Saddam and Fidel also are "feathers" in his cap. Anybody who has a whole website (Ratherbiased.com) devoted to his liberalism has to be a favorite to go a long way.
First Round: Defeated 14th Seed Julianne Malveaux 81% to 19%
Judy Woodruff (#11 Seed) Mrs. Al Hunt, the perpetually dour faced Democratic partisan comes in at #11. Time was when Judy's Inside Politics was must see TV, mainly because it's the only game in town. But much like Judy's obvious political persuasion the show is now stale and lifeless. She's been so in the tank for lefty's her whole life that Bernie Goldberg notice that she was on "suicide watch" on Election night 2004. But what would one expect from someone who called Bill Clinton "a quintessential American" at his recent library/massage parlor opening. Not only is Judy a condescending elitist, but she's also a stupid whiner as well. She recently said that recently mocked the Fox News "fair and balanced" motto saying ""Fox is concerned about its news reputation. At CNN, we don't need to use those terms," You're right Judy. CNN hasn't been fair and balanced in years - if it ever was. And if Judy and Al Hunt both win 2 matches they'll meet in the Sweet 16.
First Round: Defeated 6th Seed Bob Herbert 70% to 30%
Analysis: This is why this tournament is so fun. You get matchups like these two nitwits. This match is going to be held in pig sty, befitting the fact that both of them are lower than dirt, and fight ugly with lies. Franken may have the advantage as he just signed a 2 year extension for his radio program which gets about the same audience as a college AM station with bad reception. Even more arrogant is his plan to go on a USO tour. We think that he'd more comfortable touring a terrorist camp, given that ideology wise he has more in common with them than he does US Troops. Not to be outdone however, Molly's latest column calls on the American people to make a stand against torture - against terrorists. Funny, in our brief research we see nothing from her taking the same hard line against Saddam or the thugs in Darfur.
Al Franken (#1 Seed) This hateful, ignorant and snotty little twit has certainly earned is #1 seed. He's a failed comic and actor (anyone remember the "Stuart Smalley Movie") who decided to become the voice of the left. The only problem is that no one listens to his pedantic, socialist opinions. Not only is he a loudmouth buffoon, who's not even original enough to think of a title for his own books David Horowitz makes a great case that he's a racist as well. He's also a "lying liar" to use Lawrence O'Donnell's words, as he admitted the Swiftys were telling the truth - but not till after the election after months of smearing them. He's also apparently hated by his staff because he's a total jacka$$ and laughs uproariously at his lame jokes. Also contributing to his #1 seed is the fact that you'd like to smash the TV or radio whenever he's on, but like a car wreck you have to listen to see what BS comes out of his trap next. We wish he'd challenge us to a fight, as he did with Rich Lowry.
First Round: Defeated 16th Seed Ellis Henican 91% to 9%
Molly Ivins (#8 Seed)- Molly is a surprise #8 seed. Many thought she'd be higher, but she only has a syndicated column, and no one really takes her seriously. But she's put up a stellar body or work for this tournament. Her hatred for the Bush family is boundless. After the election she said the following, which pretty much sums up the same crap she's been writing forever: "The Bush administration is going to be wired around the neck of the American people for four more years, long enough for the stench to sicken everybody" The funniest thing about this buffoon however, is that she's a serial plagiarizer The only thing worse than a faux-populist elitist snot, is one who's not even original.
First Round: Defeated 9th Seed Tom Friedman 86% to 14%
Analysis: These two would make the ideal couple. Why? Because they'd spend so much time together - mostly because anyone else couldn't stand to be around them for 10 seconds. Between Olbermann's "I'm better than you" cocksure attitude and his steadfast refusal to believe Bush won the election (comparing America to the Ukraine) and Garofalo's constant put down of regular folks, in saying after the election that she wanted the "Archie Bunkers in the cracker belt to feel pain. Man, figuring out whose the worst in this matchup is going to be tough - real tough.
Keith Olbermann (#2 Seed) Be honest, doesn't this smarky, smug, arrogant, pedantic, too-smart-by-half, snot make you want to pull an "Elvis" on your TV? If you're like rest of us watching this clown whose ego is higher than Ted Kennedy's BAC after a night at the compound, but whose ratings are lower than moveon.org campaign commercial then the answer is yes. When he was reading sports scores and bantering with Dan Patrick, he was mildly amusing - but the second he "crossed-over" into actual news that's when things went south. Only a fellow traveler of the moveon.org group like Olbermann would surmise that the Rathergate scandal was a right-wing conspiracy created by a Free Republic member. His most recent conspiracy-theory about the Ohio vote being marred has officially put him in crackpot land. There is just so such idiocy and lunacy spouted by Olbermann but luckily a pioneering blogger dedicated a whole website where you can read about Keith's final descent into madness. Soon he will be wondering if the "lone voter" who rigged the election was hiding behind some grassy knoll. In fact we're almost willing to bet Olbermann's end (he's had like 4 other jobs since leaving ESPN) will come with someone taking him off the set in a straightjacket, and he'll be offering Juicy Fruit to big Indians shortly afterward.
First Round: Defeated 15th Seed Jane Whitney 96% to 4%
Janeane Garofalo (#7 Seed)-Janeane gets in even though she's originally an actress. Her lunatic ravings can be heard daily on "Air America" (if you are one of the 3 listening) so she's a pundit. Garafolo is just plain "out there". She gave up her acting "career" when liberal talk radio came around because ``I just couldn't stand the direction the country has been going in over the last 30 years, with the rise of the right and the right-wing media's rhetoric, and the dumbing down of our culture because of it. How is it that we're moving backward to anti-intellectualism and nationalism and xenophobia?" Now match an attitude like that with an annoying, screeching, voice and a "You peasants are so stupid" demeanor and you've got someone like Janeane who makes you want to find a sledgehammer and pound whatever TV or radio she's on.
First Round: Defeated 10th Seed Katrina Vanden Heuvel 68% to 32%
Analysis: Old School elitism vs. New School elitism. One isn't from this country and the other wants to secede from it. To which we say - "Both of You Leave". But not before the tournament ends. We don't know if Peter has yet recovered from his tongue lashing from Bill Clinton". But we don't think it hurt him that much given the effusive praise he lavished on the impeached former President.
Peter Jennings (#4 Seed) Unfortunately Jennings will soon become the darling of the elitist mainstream media crowd now that Tom Brokaw left, and Dan Rather has been shamed into retirement. Sadly, Jennings is, and has built up a long career, or left wing, out-of-touch, "I go to all the Upper East Side Dinner Parties", punditry, disguised as being a "news anchor". Oh, he's an anchor alright - to ratings. Perhaps the quintessential Jennings moment came in a commentary after the 1994 Elections, in which the GOP took over the House and Senate. What was Jennings response? He said "the voters had a temper tantrum", and compared them to 2 year old children. What the hell would this Frog know about American people outside of his cocoon? Jennings also couldn't hide his contempt for President Reagan, even comparing the network coverage of his funeral to the OJ Simpson Bronco chase saying ""I'm more inclined to spare coverage - come on [the air], do something meaningful, then get away." The last time I had to do it was with O.J. Simpson [the 1994 car chase] and I had nothing to say after a certain period of time,. Jennings has a record of leftist bias and arrogance going back many years. Eh, but what do you expect from someone who used to date the demented mouthpiece of terrorist Yasser Arafat.
First Round: Defeated 13th Seed David Corn 73% to 27%
Lawrence O'Donnell (#5 Seed) Many have wondered why he wasn't rated higher, especially after one of the most hateful, putrid appearances ever on TV, when he hysterically called John O'Neil of the Swift Boat Vets a "lying liar" about 50 times in 3 minutes and talked over him like a 4 year old. He's also a classless turd, as he let Pat Buchanan apologize for him. You can watch the video of that here. It's an "Instant Classic" and Exhibit "A" as to why the Democrats are seen as ignorant, elitist hacks. He kept the string alive by suggesting the blue states secede from the USA because the support the "welfare-client" red states. Not only is he a jacka$$, but he's wrong. Further, the guy writes for the awful show The West Wing. Yeah, no bias there. He wasn't ranked higher because he's usually only a guest, and doesn't have his own show. But we said that we'd probably make mistakes in the seedings. This was likely one of them. He should be a higher seed. Sorry.
First Round: Defeated 12th Seed Sidney Blumenthal 73% to 27%
McGovern Region
James Carville (5th Seed) defeats Jonathan Alter (4th Seed) - 67% to 33%
Dukakis Region
Chris Matthews (2nd Seed) defeats EJ Dionne (7th Seed) - 86% to 14%
Gore Region
Paul Krugman (1st Seed) defeats Juan Williams (9th Seed) 77% to 23%
Kerry Region
Jon Stewart (2nd Seed) defeats Margaret Carlson (10th Seed) 71% to 29%
The updated brackets, including all results to date can be found here.
Ping
Tough choices after Rather and Franken. I went with Garabuffalo and O'Donnell.
BTW: after this tournament, you should do a similar version with Hollywood "thinkers". Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, Alec Baldwin, etc. can't be forgotten.
--My votes are in; unfortunately, there is no auditable paper trail. Very disconcerting -the horrorrrrrr!
Ok, here we go! I'm sitting at my computer with a cup of coffee and a biscotti. I will take a moment to savor the always refreshing, as well as cathartic, hatchet job done on these liberal losers. Then I will flounce over to the polls to perform my civic duty. :o)
bump for the most original website in years.
This will probably be the only time in my life I EVER feel sorry for Molly Ivins--she wuz robbed getting the 8th seed. Gawd knows she's annoying, but she can't touch Al Frankenfurter.
Peter Jennings is old school liberal, but Lawrence O'Donnell has big mo' on his side, so he gets my vote.
And of course, Danny boy to go all the way!
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