"You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."
"Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."
"What in the world do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in a knot?"
"If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."
"Give me that!" "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside- down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."
"I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"
"You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"
"Have you been drinking?"
"Where's the cat?"
1. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
2. If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret, girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
3. If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
4. It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
5. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?
6. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
7. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
8. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
9. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
10. Women who wear Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
11. When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.
12. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.