40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor)

It has been noted that there has been a grievous and unprovoked attack on Great Britain on these pages

[Note to Mr Moderator, please feel free to remove this thread (I'm sure you will anyway) and indeed ban me from these boards (once again) However, if you do choose you that path, please display your lack of bias and sense of fair play by removing the "40 Reasons why the US is Better than Britain (humor)" thread which I have linked to above at the same time. Thank you.]

5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.

12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.

15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front.

17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)

18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.

30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.

35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.

42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.

43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.

45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.

46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.

48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.

49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.

54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.

58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)

59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.

60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.

61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)

63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.

64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.

65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly

66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.

68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.

69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.

70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.

My Reply:

70 Reasons why GREAT Britain is miles & miles better than the USA (humour)

1. Michael Moore
Exceedingly British name, don’t ya know.

2. You don't have any custard
Believe me, if we wanted custard, we’d have it.

3. You invented McDonalds
We invented the airplane too.

4, Our military are peacemakers.
Yeah, well so are the French. By the way, who saved all of your asses in past wars, thereby bringing PEACE to your countries?

5. We know a few things about the U.S., whereas you know next to nothing about the UK.
I know a lot of things about Mel Gibson too, but he knows next to nothing about little ol’ me.

6. We have a sense of humour (and we even know how to spell it)
I’ve watched British humor on BBC…we passed “slapstick” with Charlie Chaplin.

7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life.
Well, you know how it is on that “Socialized Medicine”, aspirins are a luxury.

8. We understand irony.
How ironic.

9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break
I’ve seen European TV, you’d be better off with the commercial break.

10. We are 6 times less likely to be murdered in the UK than you are in the US .
And we have 6+ times the population.

11. We are 60 times less likely to be shot in the UK than you are in the US
We know, but we’d rather have the “right to bear arms”. At least it’s not just the “crooks” who have guns here.

12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.
That right came about after our forefathers experienced oppressive countries and decided to come to America, and make sure that never happens again.

13. We aren't xenophobic
I know, I just HATE people who are, especially those foreigners.

14. Did I mention Michael Moore?
Thousands of times…

15. We don't expect people to like us or respect us, but some of them do. The U.S. seems to have got that back to front. Only the “Michael Moores” [read: liberals] think that way.
You’ve been dealing with the most leftist of our population, and you’re stereotyping again.

16. British beer doesn't taste like diluted gnats urine.
I sent some British beer to a lab to be tested, the results read: “Dear Sir, your horse has diabetes”.

17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)
Well, you’ve shown your ignorance again…

18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.
I’ve seen British cars, you can keep your corner and mileage advantage.

19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox
Can’t afford an automatic?

20. We are not all obese.
No, but you could sure use some Dentists. Maybe your teeth are so bad you can’t eat?

21. Yorkshire pudding.
Now, there’s a claim to fame.

22. We are a net exporter of oil
But you are a net Importer of Muslims.

23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.
I don’t understand your point of view on this one.

24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.
Ours don’t either….to each other.

25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.
See number 13. (By the way, if you’re soooooooooooooooooo sensitive, how come you refer to the French as “Froggy”?)

26. We have a prettier flag than you.
But, is your flag on the moon?

27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.
Does “for the REPUBLIC for which it stands” ring a bell? We left there to get away from the “democratic” government you all invented.

28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

29. We don't have the left wing stink hole that is Hollywood.
Well, that’s true, but you sure sent a lot of your “show people” over here to find jobs there.

30. We are capable of enjoying a film (translation: "movie") in which nobody gets killed every 3 minutes.
Like British TV, I’ve seen your movies (translation: “films”).

31. We don't eat raw corn.
And, we don’t drink hot tea.

32. We don't have to buy our drinking water from other countries.
Awwwwww…What’sa matter, you didn’t get the bottled water contract?

33. Most of our population realise that there is a world beyond our borders.
That’s easy when your borders share the same sign post.

34. I live here.
Now, there’s a tourist attraction for you….

35. Our armed forces are capable of mounting an operation without playing rock music at 120 decibels, shouting "YEAH RIGHT!", or "OH DUDE!" every ten seconds and putting panties on the heads of captives.
That’s right 350-million Americans flew to Iraq to put panties on the prisoners’ heads. Hey, you didn’t complain about the Loud Rock music during the “British Invasion”, now did you? Of course, most of your Rock Stars moved to the states.

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.
You can’t “miss” what you never had.

37. Our students study geography
Is there any point to this post, other than being a winner on “The Weakest Link”?

38. We don't let our armed forces recruit in our schools.
So your military folk are un-educated?

39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.
well, it’s already an accepted way of life in Europe, so why should you? The quota is filled.

40. We do let the boy scouts recruit in our schools.
You have the “Boy Scouts of America” in Britain? Who’d a thunk it?

41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.
Wasn’t it the British who made the “duel” famous? Queensbury rules and all that rot?

42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.
We don’t either, it’s called indigent care. But we do lead the world in medical care. Anytime there is something serious wrong with one of you “socialized medicine” nations, you fly’em to the old USA for treatment.

43. We don't react to any perceived minor critism or a question of our opinions by accusing the other party of being a "pinko-commie", a "faggot" or a "reee-tord"
first of all, it’s “reee-TARD”. Secondly, I’ve seen your soccer games, and your Parliament erupt in fights, name-calling, and general chaos…try again. “Tally HO”.

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.
Europe is generally 25-30 years behind us on societal changes...your turn is coming.

45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.
Some of those “10-year-olds” will cut you in a heartbeat with those scissors.

46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.
You can have the entire NEA teachers union, if you’d like…most are liberals anyway.

47. Michael Moore anybody?
You like that guy, don’t you?

48. We play proper football, you....well, I needn't say any more on that subject.
You play Soccer, but, Soccer – over here - is for the ones who can’t qualify for real Football.

49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.
AS Forrest Gump would say, “You so smot”.

50. We stopped having mullet haircuts in the 80's
This, from the country that gave us Beatle haircuts. Most of the Brits I see on TV are about 3-6 weeks overdue for any kind of hair cut.

51. We don't marry our cousins & call the offspring Billy-Bob or Mary-Lou
And you use the American Liberal Press as your source material for all your accusations.

52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites
Yes, we did come here to get away from you all. Besides, most of our toilets are INSIDE.

53. We have a pot plant at Kew Gardens which is older than the USA
Now THERE is a true source of National pride. Like, at what point are supposed to start giving a s*it?

54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.
How can you respect what you don’t have? Feel FREE to answer.

55. Michael Jackson.
Because of number 43, I can’t express my true feelings here. But, the British youth sure flock to his concerts when he comes over there.

56. We don't exaggerate our achievements in the 2nd World War.
Oh, we don’t either? If it’s the truth, it ain’t “bragging”. The reason you still have that “pretty flag” (See item 26) instead of the “Hammer and Sickle” is because of our “achievements” in WWII.

57. You elected Bill Clinton.
And you all LOVED him. More Brits turned out to “worship” him than Americans.

58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)
You dumped Margaret Thatcher for Tony Blair.

59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.
I wouldn’t chant “Yuk, Yuk, Yuk” either. Maybe your fans have low enthusiasm.

60. We (with a little minor assistance from our Froggy neighbours) conceived, planned, built and financed the Concorde, the finest, fastest & most beautiful airliner the world has ever seen.
Where is it now? Did it ever make it to the moon? What was it, two, or three that were built?

61. You, in a typical fit of petty jealousy and America-firstism, strangled commercial supersonic flight at birth by banning Concorde from your airports (and thus markets) on ridiculous environmental grounds (possibly the only time the US has objected to anything for that reason), then announced your own supersonic airline project (which never got built - while even the USSR managed to produce a Concorde rip-off)
The cream always rises to the top. Your Concorde bit the dust because of the age of the aircraft, and the famous “crash”. Even a blind squirrel can find an acorn, occasionally, so don’t be so smug about your Concorde.

62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport.
Most of the “correspondents” I hear on the news, have British, or other foreign accents.

63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.
If “domination” is defined as promoting and fighting to eliminate dictators (remember Hitler?) and promote peace in the world, I suppose you’re right. America was once part of your “Empire”, but you didn’t “give” it back, we took it.

64. We, while still retaining our patriotism, are able to appreciate and applaud the achievements of sportsmen, politicians, scientists and businessmen from other countries.
See #61…irony is in play here.

65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly.
Well, let’s look at the variations of other languages, like Spanish. Many countries speak Spanish, but all have their own dialect. In Germany, you can travel 10 miles to the next town, and find a completely different dialect of German, but all Germans understand “hoch Deutsch” (High German). And, don’t you have you own variations, like Cockney? Don’t be so snooty about the Language, we still understand you, for the most part, it’s just that what you have to say is not all that interesting. But, you seem to love our TV and movies (translation: FILMS).

66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.
But I’d venture to say that more people throughout the world know Mickey Mouse, than know any of your famous “inventors”. Besides, Al Gore invented the World Wide Web….just ask him. And, most of the world speaks Spanish…not English.

67. Is there a Michael Moore in the house?
Trying to round out the 70?

68. We play cricket, perhaps not the most exciting sport out there I grant you but nonetheless a gentlemanly pursuit. You have baseball. Nuff said.
That’s right, ‘nuff said. You use “not the most exciting” and “gentlemanly” interchangeably, so we get your meaning. But, you all also thought it was “gentlemanly” to stand 40 yards apart from your enemies and shoot each other dead, too, “gentlemanly” warfare, don’t ya know.

69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.
Again, if it’s true, it ain’t “bragging”. It’s nice to have national pride, and that’s all it is. Should we stand here and declare that some other nation is better? You don’t, so why should we?

70. No British Prime Minister has ever been caught with his pants down in 10 Downing Street.
“caught”, is the key word here

& one for the pot...

71. We are British. Don-cha-know!
Chihuahuas always bark the loudest.

As an American currently living in England I have to reply to this list.

1. Michael Moore-have to agree with you on this one. He's a huge embarassment.

2. You don't have any custard-Not true, but it's nasty stuff anyway.

3. You invented McDonalds-It is a pretty disgusting place to eat, but the Brits apparently love it b/c there are McD's all over the UK

7. We don't rely on therapy or Prozac to lead a "normal" life-No, instead you drink yourselves silly at the pub. I can't believe how many people in England live for the weekend so they can get stinking drunk.

9. We can watch TV for ten full minutes without a 15 minute commercial break-Your commercial breaks are as long as the ones in the U.S., with the exception of the BBC channels. BTW, in the U.S. we are not forced to pay almost $200 a year just to have a TV(for Americans reading this post the money goes to support the BBC. Can you imagine being forced to support PBS?)

12. We don't feel that we have to own firearms to protect ourselves from our own government.-I know of no one who owns firearms to protect themselves from the government. They own them to hunt or to protect themselves from criminals.

17. We don't have rednecks (at least, if we do, they don't actually have red necks)-yes,you do

18. We can drive around corners and most of our cars can manage more than 10 miles to the gallon.-I don't know what the comment about corners is supposed to mean, but most cars in the U.S. get more that 10mph. Also, our government does not gouge us with taxes on the petrol we do buy.

19. We are intelligent enough to use a manual gearbox-I know some idiots who can drive a manual. An automatic is simply more pleasant to dirve.

20. We are not all obese.-neither are all Americans.

21. Yorkshire pudding.-one of the many yucky English desserts. I do like that Sticky Toffy pudding though.

22. We are a net exporter of oil. --A lot of good that does you. Petrol costs over three times as much in the UK as it does in the U.S.

23. We can sometimes see the other guys point of view.-so can most Americans, but that doesn't mean that we have to agree with the other guy or accept his opinions/beliefs.

24. Our accents don't sound vulgar.-apparently you don't get out much b/c there are some atrocious accents here.

25. We don't hate people just because they are different to us.-neither do most Americans. I do know that some Brits hate Americans just b/c they are Americans. How is this any different?

27. We invented modern democracy, you just pay lip service to it.-How much longer are you going to be living in a democracy with the EU trying to dictate every facet of life? I expect to wake up some day and find out that the EU has passed a rule stating how many times a day each person can use the toilet.

28. We have more attractive women here per head of population than you have.-ha,ha. Where are you hiding them?

31. We don't eat raw corn.-Where do people eat raw corn? Speaking of food, Have you ever heard anyone brag about British food?!?!?!?

34. I live here.-yes, but a rather large percentage of Brits want to immigrate to other countries. Spain, Australia and the U.S. are the destinations most Brits want to imigrate to. Trust me, if Americans were polled you would not find many who can't wait to move away from America.

36. We enjoy steak & kidney pie. You are too pernickety to even try it and therefore don't know what you're missing.-your beef sucks!

39. We don't let our homosexuals recruit in our schools either.--Where did you get the idea that we do?

41. We are able to settle minor disputes without filling each other with lead.--most of us can too.

42. We don't deny healthcare to a large proportion of our population because they can't pay.--Poor Ameicans and the elderly are taken care of through medicaid/medicare. I have talked to more than one Brit who has had medical care in the the U.S. as well as Britain and they much preferred the care they received in the U.S. Having said this, our healthcare situation does have room for improvement, but I pray that it never comes down to national health care.

44. Our teachers are able to deal with difficult young children without calling the police.--Calling the police in America is not the norm. According to my British friends who are teachers they have a lot of behavior problems in the schools here and the teachers have very little power to do anything about it.

45. Our police (even if they were called to a school) wouldn't dream of tazaring a six year old boy or handcuffing a 10 year old girl (for bringing scissors to school - what's that about then?), nor of locking them up in a cell.--this and #46 must refer to isolated incidents and are not indicative of the actions of most of the police/teachers in the U.S.

46. Our teachers are able to deal with parents visiting their classrooms without kicking seven shades of excrement out of them.-never heard this story

49. We don't have crooks calling themselves TV evangelists, because we are not dumb enough to send them any money.--you must not have satellite tv if you think there are no TV evangelists on UK TV.

52. We have toilet blocks older than your most historical sites--and you are fantastic at taking something like an old wart and making it into a historical attraction. If you don't really know the history behind that hole in the ground or those big rocks then you'll speculate and call it history.

54. While we don't have the first amendment, we do seem to respect it more than you do.--are you kidding??

55. Michael Jackson.--yes, he is quite an embarassment. He has quite a following here in the UK and Europe though.

57. You elected Bill Clinton.--that was a sad day in our history

58 You elected Bill Clinton, TWICE! (I mean, come on Yanks! Once is a mistake, twice was just stupid!)-True

59. We are capable of winning a sports event (oh yes we are!) without chanting "UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK! UK!" ceaselessly and intensely irritatingly over and over and over again.-you hardly ever win in International sporting events so I suspect that you are stunned when you do.

62. We do not regard war as a spectator sport. Then why are your journalists in Iraq and the war is in the news continually?

63. We, a small nation, in the space of a few generations, built the largest Empire the world has ever seen, and then gave it all back. Just for laughs. You, a very large nation, have attempted to dominate the world for the last 50 years and have failed, miserably.--I needed a laugh. You are only fooling yourself if you really believe that the Brits "gave back" their empire out of good will or for a laugh.

65. We have our own language that we ourselves invented. You have pinched ours and devalued it appallingly-maybe you need to look up the origins of English. It was developed from several other languages. Also, there are many different dialects in the UK as there are in the U.S. and many people here in the UK "murder" the language every time they open their mouths. What's up with saying "me" instead of "my" when referring to a possesion like "me car"?? I live in an area where people say words like "buer" instead of "Butter".

66. We have given the world, modern democracy, law & order, the English language, the industrial revolution, the world wide web, penicillin, the jet engine and a host of other social and technological breakthroughs too numerous to mention. You have given the world....Mickey Mouse.--it would take way to much space to name all of the inventions and accomplishments that can be credited to Americans. I have found that some Brits are good at taking credit for inventions/discoveries that they don't have a right to claim.

69. You, often claim, in your brusque, bombastic manner to be "the greatest nation on Earth". We smile silently but say nothing because we KNOW that we are.--again, why do so many people want to leave your country if they think it is the greatest nation on Earth? It's silly for either country to make this claim.

We are living in England for a couple of years because the American company my husband works for purchased an existing British company. My husband was offered the opportunity to manage the business until a Brit can be trained to take over. Living here has given me a whole new appreciation for the U.S. and all that Americans take for granted.

I don't really see a need for Americans or Brits to make critical lists about each other, but I had to respond to the comments above. There are a couple of things I'll miss about Britain, but I miss a whole lot more about the U.S.

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