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1 posted on 12/10/2004 2:44:10 PM PST by CHARLITE
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To: CHARLITE

I read a story a long time ago about a pilot who would say to the tower in Biloxi "Guess who?" After this happened a few times, someone turned off the runway lights and said "Biloxi; guess where?"


2 posted on 12/10/2004 2:47:01 PM PST by annyokie (If the shoe fits, put 'em both on!)
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To: CHARLITE

Great Stuff!


3 posted on 12/10/2004 2:48:24 PM PST by aviator (Armored Pest Control)
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To: Conspiracy Guy
Now that's funny!
4 posted on 12/10/2004 2:49:43 PM PST by secret garden (Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.)
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To: CHARLITE; Americanwolfsbrother

Love them funny as heck... especially the dreaded 7 engine approach comment.


5 posted on 12/10/2004 2:51:40 PM PST by Americanwolf (Democratic Underground... Digital Crack for the the loony left.....Hey troll! Put the pipe down!)
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To: CHARLITE; mhking; MeekOneGOP; trussell; atomicpossum
This is hysterical, I'll haul some friends in.

Once upon a time there was Braniff Airlines, and God only knows why they decided to paint their planes in pastels. Powder blue, blushing pink, all that kind of stuff. The Love Field airport people in Dallas had a good time. One Braniff pilot asked if he could make take-off and was told, "Yes, dear. Ta-ta!"

8 posted on 12/10/2004 2:55:10 PM PST by xJones
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To: CHARLITE
"Germany. Why must I speak English?"

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war."

They  do have a tendency to forget that at times.

10 posted on 12/10/2004 2:56:41 PM PST by Radix (This Tag Line is completely self referential, except for the part where you are mentioned.)
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To: CHARLITE
"Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

hehehehe!!

11 posted on 12/10/2004 2:57:12 PM PST by luv2ndamend
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To: CHARLITE

This is hilarious!
I'm gonna send it off to
hubby to pass along to
his old squadron buddies.

Thanks for the post, and
the laffs. ;o)


15 posted on 12/10/2004 2:58:07 PM PST by dixiechick2000 (President Bush is a mensch in cowboy boots.)
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To: CHARLITE

bump for later...


17 posted on 12/10/2004 3:01:08 PM PST by Lx (If dolphins are so smart, why do they live in igloos?)
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To: CHARLITE

Too bad there are no examples of radio exchanges at any French airport.


21 posted on 12/10/2004 3:05:43 PM PST by Paladin2 (SeeBS News - We Decide, We Create, We Report - In that order! - ABC - Already Been Caught)
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To: CHARLITE

Bump.


22 posted on 12/10/2004 3:06:38 PM PST by sport
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To: CHARLITE; Honestly; Velveeta; Calpernia; lacylu; Letitring

LOL ping.


23 posted on 12/10/2004 3:07:00 PM PST by nw_arizona_granny (Today, please pray for God's miracle, we are not going to make it without him.)
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To: CHARLITE

I was an air traffic controller assigned to the Berlin Air Route Traffic Control Center for '84-'88. This is the facility that worked all traffic to and from Berlin through the 3 Berlin Air Corridors, mostly French, British, and US airliners. What a lot of people did not know was that there were about 15 Soviet and East German Mig bases located in the corridors. Their traffic would fly through the corridors without any coordination or control from us. Naturally, whenever we saw their traffic in the corridors we would issue it to our traffic. One night a buddy of mine was working the enroute sector and must have had a fairly new British pilot. Behind him was a Pan Am aircraft. A Mig decided he wanted to come up behind the British aircraft and see what he looked like. The controller kept giving the British pilot traffic on the Mig. Slowly, the Mig closed the distance behind the British aircraft so naturally the controller gave him that info. You could tell that the British pilot was getting a little nervous with this Mig flying a few miles directly behind him and finally asked the controller what he should do. Before the controller could say anything, the Pan Am pilot, who must have been from Texas, came on the frequency and said "Ya'll oughta just go back and flush your toilets!" It took a while to pick the controller up off the floor he was laughing so hard.


26 posted on 12/10/2004 3:08:48 PM PST by ops33 (Retired USAF Senior Master Sergeant)
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To: CHARLITE

Oh, my gut is busting.... I've read some of this before. I believe it was in a book written by a "sled" driver (U-2 pilot).


27 posted on 12/10/2004 3:08:56 PM PST by caisson71
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To: CHARLITE

I received this email recently




 

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing!

    (Sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena AFB, Japan.)

 

You've never been lost, until you've been lost at Mach 3.

    (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot)

 

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

 

From an old carrier sailor - Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the  sky.

 

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage,  it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

 

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power  left to get you to the scene of the crash.

 

Without  ammunition, the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

 

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers  and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

 

Never trade luck for skill.

 

The two most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", and "Where are we?"

 

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

 

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

 

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is  prevarication.

 

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

 

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries

 

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.

 

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

 

Just remember, if  you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.

 

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a prang  (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

 

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

    (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test  pilot)

 

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.

    (Jon McBride,  astronaut)

 

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.

    (Bob Hoover -  renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

 

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the bastard down.

  (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator)

 

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

 

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.

    (Sign over squadron  perations desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970.)

 

If  something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

 

Basic Flying Rules. Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

 
You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the  terminal."

 


28 posted on 12/10/2004 3:09:18 PM PST by Vermonter
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To: CHARLITE

Reminds me or private pilot jokes.

Explaining the parts of the plane to a newbie, "This is the prop. It is what keeps the pilot cool."

"How?"

"Well, if it stops, you'll see the pilot start sweating profusely!"



Tis better to have a full tank and an empty bladder than the other way around.


30 posted on 12/10/2004 3:12:27 PM PST by UCANSEE2 (>)
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To: krogers58

ping for later


31 posted on 12/10/2004 3:12:57 PM PST by krogers58
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To: CHARLITE
Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.

Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,

asking: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

BWAHAHAHAHAHA ...... love that one.

33 posted on 12/10/2004 3:15:18 PM PST by Centurion2000 (Truth, Justice and the Texan Way)
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To: CHARLITE

Chicago control tower: Lufthansa 727, you are cleared to take off please take off.

Captain of Lufthansa 727: My manifest does not agree with my passenger count; I will not depart until it does.

Another pilot from an American airline: Have you checked your ovens?

Lufthansa pilot: I refuse to take off until I receive an apology from the person who just called in.

Another airline pilot: This is Captain Smith from American Smith Airlines - I apologize.

The German pilot took off.


34 posted on 12/10/2004 3:16:20 PM PST by matchwood
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To: CHARLITE

btt


36 posted on 12/10/2004 3:21:34 PM PST by KSCITYBOY
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