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What Do You Say to An Extraterrestrial?
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| 12/02/04
| Seth Shostak
Posted on 12/02/2004 7:40:49 PM PST by KevinDavis
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To: KevinDavis
"Greetings visitors, I am Earth's Ambassador! Welcome to Earth! Before you can get started exploring our green lush planet, our Planetary Leader requests that you provide one complete copy of the construction plans for your spacecraft to us, written in mathematical equations or the human language called English, in lieu of a passport and visa. These plans must contain detailed information about your craft's hyperluminal drive system, including a sample of the fuel that powers the craft's drive to operate it at full capacity for one solar year. We will also require three of each type of weapon you carry aboard your craft for security purposes.
Once we have verified your bona fides, you are welcome to begin your exploration of our planet. We suggest you begin in the nation-state called the United States of America, in the downtown sector of the city known as Cincinnati in the state known as Ohio, any time between the hours of local midnight and 4 AM. You'll find the natives there to be peaceful and tolerant of visitors, and weapons will not be necessary to visit this place."
41
posted on
12/02/2004 8:01:23 PM PST
by
asgardshill
(November 2004 - The Month That Just Kept On Giving)
To: The Hollywood Conservative
Cartman is an expert in the anal probe deal.
42
posted on
12/02/2004 8:02:45 PM PST
by
Lockbar
(March toward the sound of the guns.)
To: KevinDavis
. . . the small talk I’d venture with King Carl XVI Gustaf if I won the Nobel Prize. "Hey, King! What was up with that dress your daughter wore to the Nobel Prize dinner a few years back? . . . No, not *that* daughter. The other one. You know who I mean--Maddy, and that red dress she wore that was cut down to there! My, she's some fin flicka, I must say! . . . Whoa, hey, King! I didn't mean nothin' by that! Call off your thugs! Hey, wait a minute! Whattya doing?! . . ."
43
posted on
12/02/2004 8:03:15 PM PST
by
Charles Henrickson
(How *not* to talk to the king of Sweden.)
To: KevinDavis
Fuel? You got Visa, MasterCard or Discovery?
44
posted on
12/02/2004 8:05:36 PM PST
by
BIGLOOK
(I once opposed keelhauling but have recently come to my senses.)
To: Lockbar
45
posted on
12/02/2004 8:05:50 PM PST
by
GOPyouth
(De Oppresso Liber! The Tyrant is captured!)
To: Muleteam1
Barnhardt: Tell me, Hilda, does all this frighten you? Does it make you feel insecure?
Hilda: Yes sir, it certainly does.
Barnhardt: That's good, Hilda; I'm glad.
46
posted on
12/02/2004 8:06:34 PM PST
by
RckyRaCoCo
("When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk!")
To: KevinDavis
What Do You Say to An Extraterrestrial? "I'll have the top sirloin, medium rare, the rice pilaf, and a salad with ranch dressing."
47
posted on
12/02/2004 8:07:01 PM PST
by
Redcloak
("FOUR MORE BEERS! FOUR MORE BEERS! FOUR MORE BEERS!" -Teresa Heinz Kerry)
To: Muleteam1
Klaatu: You have faith, Professor Barnhardt?
Barnhardt: It isn't faith that makes good science Mr. Klaatu, it's curiosity. Sit down, please. There are several thousand questions I'd like to ask you.
48
posted on
12/02/2004 8:08:27 PM PST
by
RckyRaCoCo
("When you have to shoot, shoot, don't talk!")
To: KevinDavis
Reach for the sky or I'll blow your ugly alien head off!
49
posted on
12/02/2004 8:09:11 PM PST
by
AF68
To: KevinDavis
50
posted on
12/02/2004 8:09:25 PM PST
by
locochupacabra
(If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat.)
To: KevinDavis
It really depends upon what she looks like, how she is dressed and how much beer I have consumed just prior to the neeting.
51
posted on
12/02/2004 8:09:56 PM PST
by
Jeff Gordon
(Now is the time for all wise men to gloat. FOUR MORE YEARS,)
To: KevinDavis
From the Philly area, we would just say -- YO !
52
posted on
12/02/2004 8:13:12 PM PST
by
USMA '71
To: RckyRaCoCo
Sounds like someone else likes this old movie. It's definately a classic.
Muleteam1
To: KevinDavis
How about...
"You best be coming in peace 'caus I got a sh!tload of rednecks at the tree line waitin' to Bonny and Clyde on your ass."
But that's if they decide to go Close Ecounter of the Texas Kind. Æ
54
posted on
12/02/2004 8:16:26 PM PST
by
AgentEcho
(If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers)
To: RckyRaCoCo
How about "Bah Weep Grah-Nah Weep Ninny Bon?"
55
posted on
12/02/2004 8:18:10 PM PST
by
Cyclopean Squid
(The 80s belonged to the Gipper, the Aughts belong to Dubya!)
To: KevinDavis
What Do You Say to An Extraterrestrial? Whose yur Daddy!? (or sperm donor, or metamorphorizer or test tube mixer, etc.)
56
posted on
12/02/2004 8:20:16 PM PST
by
Bassfire
(aim low boys they're riding Shetlands!)
To: cyborg
Done Deal........!
Hope ya like Starberry Moonsfarm Whine !
57
posted on
12/02/2004 8:21:26 PM PST
by
Squantos
(Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. ©)
To: StJacques
So there is someone else out there who still makes his own roux. I thought I was the only one left.
58
posted on
12/02/2004 8:22:49 PM PST
by
spotbust1
(Gun control is when you use both hands.)
To: KevinDavis
E:
b:-------13
g:---14------12
d:
12---
a:
10-------
e:
59
posted on
12/02/2004 8:24:10 PM PST
by
EmmaPeel
To: EmmaPeel
Well, that didn't post too well....sorry
E:
b:-------13
g:---14------12
d:
12---
a:
10-------
e:
trying again
60
posted on
12/02/2004 8:24:56 PM PST
by
EmmaPeel
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