Posted on 12/01/2004 11:04:09 PM PST by gonzo
IMHO (in my humble opinion) CONJECTURAL SHRAPNEL ©
by Norman Liebmann
In my humble opinion, San Francisco is a place you can go to get your body pierced without someone saying “Oops!”.
In my humble opinion, considering the trashy character of the UN, the Secretary General should bring the delegates to order, not with a gavel, but with a shovel.
In my humble opinion, if Bedford Falls had been located in Arkansas, George Bailey would have decided, it's not such a wonderful life.
In my humble opinion, to paraphrase Edmund Burke – all that is needed for the triumph of evil is a getaway car with diplomatic license plates.
In my humble opinion, the firing of Jayson Blair and Howell Raines did nothing to improve the New York Times in particular, or journalism in general – in that order.
In my humble opinion, Bill Clinton will not leave behind a legacy – just another psychosexual Krafft-Ebing case history.
In my humble opinion, after they die, sinners go to Canada.
In my humble opinion, an Islamic prophet fell though his own asshole and where he landed became Palestine.
In my humble opinion, the next re-writing of American History in the public schools will teach the real reason for the Civil War was to desegregate the gay bars.
In my humble opinion, not all Arabs are blood-thirsty barbarians. It’s just tough to come up with a name.
In my humble opinion, the reason journalism has turned into a sewer is to give the mainstream media a place to drain its you-know-what.
In my humble opinion, to play it safe, Yasser Arafat should have been buried with Proof of Death card in his wallet.
In my humble opinion, being ungrateful brings the French to orgasm.
In my humble opinion, the Clinton Library doesn’t need a curator, it needs a warden. (This Clinton Literary Sewer will be a lasting monument to the Politics of Personal Perversion.)
In my humble opinion, Palestine is a trailer court for fleas.
In my humble opinion, Hollywood and Washington D.C. people have one thing in common. Everyone there is afraid of being unable to get a job that they really don’t want.
In my humble opinion, Director Oliver Stone has a positive genius for taking unimportant events and making them into insignificant movies.
In my humble opinion, not only did the audience win that fight with the NBA players, but they could probably beat them at basketball.
In my humble opinion, burka, shmurka – anything that covers Arab women’s faces can’t be all bad.
In my humble opinion, the Democrats lost the election because they ran out of people to lie to.
In my humble opinion, youth will gravitate to the lifestyle of the underclass, where there are no moral demands on them - except not ratting out each other.
In my humble opinion, the silver lining is that death cures AIDS. The death of Yasser Arafat proved that every silver lining has an even more silvery lining.
In my humble opinion, Peter Jennings, Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw have long been warts on the epidermis of public information. (The inability to totally eliminate Dan Rather from their staff, shows just how anal retentive CBS is.)
In my humble opinion, it is to be hoped that Chelsea Clinton is barren so that Arkansas can’t keep playing that same dirty trick on America.
In my humble opinion, Islam would do well to adopt the name of another criminal group and call themselves Muslims Incorporated.
In my humble opinion, Mark Geragos is the most overrated lawyer in America. Scott Peterson is just the latest one to find it out.
In my humble opinion, it is not Al Qaeda that’s going to bring down our country, it’s the NASA budget.
In my humble opinion, as long as the Kennedy and the Bush dynasties share the same profligacy about money, America has no chance to survive as a nation.
In my humble opinion, in San Francisco open-mouth kissing the toll booth collectors on the Golden Gate Bridge will get you a free “pass-thru”.
In my humble opinion, Al Sharpton wasn’t right for the Oval Office. The Senate is more appropriate for someone of his bloat.
In my humble opinion, John Edwards is just another pretty face - but the Democrats say the same thing about Michael Moore, Helen Thomas, and the Yeti.
In my humble opinion, Bush only likes to fight wars where he doesn’t have to lose his temper – and that is the worst kind of war.
In my humble opinion, In Hollywood, success and failure feel exactly the same. Check it out.
In my humble opinion, the worst thing about compassion among politicians is not that it does nothing, but the time it wastes not doing it. In Washington they have to keep compassion turning in a cement mixer trucks lest it hardens into common sense.
In my humble opinion, however devoted feminists are to Hillary Clinton, in 2008 they will endorse her opponent - just so they can see the look on her face.
In my humble opinion Michael Moore is a goiter than walks like a man.
In my humble opinion, the Island of Jamaica’s principal contributions to world culture are - cock fighting, beating on empty oil cans and calling it music, tall alcoholic drinks garnished with shrubbery, and Colin Powell.
In my humble opinion, the Coalition should teach the Iraqi troops how to cut bait, because that seems to be the limit of the military skills they’re capable of acquiring.
In my humble opinion, litigation, like Ex-Lax, brings only temporary relief. It is not known to whom.
In my humble opinion, it is fitting a Frenchman built the Suez Canal, which is the rectal entrance into Islam.
In my humble opinion, if they were alive today, no way could John Ford talk
John Wayne into playing a character in a movie named “Pinch” Sulzberger – or for that matter anyone named “Pinch” Anybody.
In my humble opinion, Mark Geragos will die of an overdose of fine print.
In my humble opinion, compassion is more destructive than hypocrisy, because people are inclined to think of it as genuine.
In my humble opinion, the Senate Judiciary Committee of Democrats and Republicans will debate George Bush’s Supreme Court nominations with hockey sticks.
In my humble opinion, chances are God will refuse to hear Justice Rehnquist’s impending demise, which is currently under appeal.
In my humble opinion, Theresa Heinz Kerry entered into pre-marital property settlements with both her husbands. (The legal geniuses who study these prenuptial agreements will say she has an outstanding pair of “nups”).
In my humble opinion, now that the villainous son-of-a-bitch Yasser Arafat is dead, there is a reasonable basis to conclude that Bill Clinton is not immortal.
and …
In my humble opinion, the Marines deserve their glamour – God bless ‘em.
***
We're just tryin' to figure this thing out............FRegards
geez, this is hard............FRegards
Too mean-spirited to be funny.
One correction:
"...an Islamic prophet fell though his own asshole..."
does not make sense. "...an Islamic prophet fell, though an asshole..." would make no more sense but it would, at least, be more grammatically attentive in it's construction.
"...an Islamic prophet fell through his own asshole..." would, likewise, make grammatical sense but it would leave a distinctly unpleasant impression on a mind already fatigued at this late hour and more impressionable as slumber overtakes eyes now damaged from within.
Not mean spirited enough to be funny..
OK! You just won the 'Forest-Gump' award, Bunny!
Have a nice day, if it doesn't rain on you................FRegards
It's good to see Firehat back on FR, just as good as the good old days.
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