Some conspiracy theorists elect to ignore the truth

Chicago Sun-Times ^ | November 30, 2004 | RICHARD "DOPEY" ROEPER SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST

[Chi-townChief]

Real conspiracy theorists never admit they're wrong. No matter how many facts and bits of logic you throw at them, they'll always say, "That's all well and good, but you haven't proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm wrong. Why can't you produce concrete evidence that the Loch Ness Monster doesn't exist?"

Well, because it's a little tough to prove a negative.

If Lee Harvey Oswald materialized from the beyond, knocked on the door of the JFK Assassination Conspiracy Headquarters and said, "I want you to know that I acted alone," the typical JFK conspiracy theorist would say: "Thank you for proving my point, oh spirit of Lee Harvey. See that, everyone? Obviously this Oswald ghost is being manipulated by the ghosts of J. Edgar Hoover, Sam Giancana and Lyndon B. Johnson. He's afraid to come right out and speak the truth, but he was sending a secret message to me by winking in Morse code. The man is just a ghostly patsy!"

To this day, there are people who believe the moon landings were faked, Elvis is alive and in hiding, Vince Foster was murdered and the Pentagon was not struck by a plane on 9/11.

The medical term for such a person is "bonehead," pronounced, "bonehead."

Bush only THINKS he won

I don't believe the 2004 election conspiracy theorists are dumb or delusional -- but I do think their passion is misguided.

It's been a month since the election, but every day my e-mailbox continues to fill up with messages from anti-GOPers.

"Is there any reason why voting irregularities are not being reported on, only 3 weeks after the election? Please let me know if you support democracy ..."

"The mainstream media continues its blackout of coverage regarding voting irregularities in Florida and Ohio ..."

"It is possible John Kerry could be sworn in as POTUS. ... To beat election fraud, the press (that is YOU) have to report on it ..."

"An open letter to the media: Please do your job and report on the vote fraud that occurred in Ohio and Florida ..."

I share only the first few lines of these e-mails with you, because to reproduce them in full would be to fill up the entire newspaper. (A woman from Ohio recently sent out a conspiracy theory e-mail that ran more than 3,000 words. I think it's safe to say that with a margin of error of plus or minus 3 points, approximately zero percent of recipients actually made it to the end of the essay.)

Often the e-mails provide links to Web sites and blogs claiming that John Kerry might have won Ohio and Florida.

What, no Texas?

Like most conspiracy theories, the allegations of massive election-changing voter fraud and computer error in the election contain a sprinkling of facts, erroneous interpretations of statistics, paranoid speculation passed off as scientific analysis, and loads of assertions that are just wrong.

Here's a classic example.

In Florida, some two dozen counties that went to Bush are dominated by registered Democrats. Consider Lafayette County, Fla., where more than 80 percent of residents are registered Democrats -- but 74 percent of the vote went to Bush. In Holmes County, Fla., almost 75 percent of registered voters are Democrats, but Bush beat Kerry by a 6-1 margin.

How can this be?

In the counties in question, most of the registered Democrats have been voting Republican in national elections for decades. They just haven't officially switched party affiliations. Bush won those same counties by large margins over Gore in 2000.

All right, then how about the suburb of Columbus, Ohio, where Bush was reported to have won 4,258 to 260, even though only 638 ballots were actually cast? And what about the 76,000 punch cards in Ohio where no vote for president was recorded?

In the first case, the overcount for Bush was the result of an apparent computer glitch. It was quickly corrected, and the "extra" votes were not in the final tally.

As for the phantom punch cards: some people actually didn't vote for president, but voted in other races. You're allowed to do that, you know. Others mistakenly voted for both candidates, negating their ballot.

And how do we know those double-dippers didn't really intend to vote for Bush?

For every theory out there, I could provide debunking ammo, or I could direct you to debunking stories from the Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe and other news organizations. But it wouldn't sway the true conspiracy theorist. He would counter with a debunker-debunking blog, or claim the debunking articles prove there's a "media blackout" on voter irregularity stories.

Funny though. I thought we were the "elite liberal media," acting in concert. If we're the elite liberal media, why are we conspiring with the White House to ensure George Bush's fraudulent re-election?

I hate it when conspiracy theories collide like that.

"Ebert & Roeper" airs at 10:35 p.m. Saturday and 10:30 a.m. Sunday on WLS-Channel 7.

[PeterFinn]

Personally, I believe Vince Foster was killed by Jimmy Hoffa on orders from the Illuminati. But this was not before the Men in Black came out from Area 51 to abduct Ed Sullivan and Elvis.

[WinOne4TheGipper]

bump.