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Things I don't need to know about cars
Edmonton Sun ^ | 2004-11-29 | Patrycja Romanowska

Posted on 11/29/2004 1:59:05 PM PST by Clive

My fella and I were going out of town. He was driving his "super reliable" car into which he pours nothing less than premium gas and synthetic oil and which, incidentally, is so much better and safer than my car that the two can never even be compared.

To boot, his car just got a tune-up and that became the launching point for a lecture about car maintenance habits and how I do not have any.

He should know. He's been working on my car all weekend. So blah, blah, I never check my oil (I forget), my tire pressure (um, my tire pressure measuring stick is broken), my radiator fluid (as if I even know where my radiator fluid is ...) and so on and so forth.

In fact, my car is in such shoddy shape, I should not even drive it anymore. Instead, I should just drive his car (which I'll simply refer to as super reliable from now on) but I have to remember not to start it in second gear because that WRECKS HIS CLUTCH.

In passing, my car-savvy fella mentioned that during his tune-up, the mechanic told him to consider replacing an ignition module or something of that sort. The mechanic, my fella concludes, is probably wrong and there is no problem with the car.

You should listen to the mechanic, I said, using up all the car advice I felt authorized to give. With your luck (he has the worst luck of anyone I know) the car will break down in the middle of a road trip and you'll be stuck there forever.

About 45 minutes later we were sitting on the side of the highway with the hazard lights on waiting for a tow truck.

That's right, Mr. Awesome-car-care-premium-gas-guy was digging around under the hood swearing and, to make matters worse, we gave the tow truck the wrong directions and were stranded for almost two hours at sub-zero temperatures in a car that would not start.

Two hundred bucks later, super reliable was in the shop and is there still, waiting for several hundred bucks worth of parts and labour.

In the meantime, the car's owner is driving my car (the one that does not have enough radiator fluid, the back doors do not open and is, overall, totally unreliable) to work.

Before I point out why this episode confirmed my attitude towards vehicles, consider this.

A couple of years ago I was driving my super junky K-Car along Highway 2.

I was just past Leduc when my tire seemingly exploded.

I pulled over, stupidly, on the left side of the highway and immediately realized I was stuck in the middle of six lanes of whizzing highway traffic.

I got out of the car, examined the tire (yep, it was flat) and pondered what to do next. I decided to walk to Nisku and call someone.

But before the traffic subsided for long enough to cross to the other side of the highway, some guy had already pulled over, put on my spare and asked me out for coffee.

Now I know I should learn how to change a flat and check my air tire pressure, but where's my incentive?

Obviously obsessive car maintenance, synthetic oil and all, does not eliminate breaking down on the side of the road.

Furthermore, if all of a sudden I learned to care about my spark plugs or my air filter, then so many guys would be deprived of the car-related lectures and rescues in which they secretly delight.

Besides, not knowing anything about cars means I generally listen to my mechanic when he says something needs to be fixed.

And let's face it, if it had been me driving ol' super reliable when it broke down, I could have got a ride back to town, and probably coffee, instead of trying not to die from the frost while waiting for the tow truck.


TOPICS: Canada; Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: akerryvoter; automobile; automobiles; automotive; canada; car; cars; cdn; edmonton; single4areason; typicalsinglechick; vehicle
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To: Blueflag

i agree, the only problems i have on my mini is the lack of space in the engine compartment, to remove the radiator i had to enlist the help of my neighbors 12 year old because my arms were to thick.


241 posted on 11/30/2004 6:59:24 AM PST by Docbarleypop (Navy Doc)
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To: TexasCowboy

Gotta love this. The first time my husband saw me trying to add oil to my car with and eye dropper in the place where the dip stick went, he asked me to promise him I would never ever again open the hood of my car.


242 posted on 11/30/2004 7:01:59 AM PST by Texagirl4W (Father, bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they are needing this day!)
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To: TexasCowboy
For a leaky radiator, that Copenhagen you dip won't work. Too fine.

I've found that a few tablespoons of Quaker Oats works out real nice.

243 posted on 11/30/2004 7:45:17 AM PST by BureaucratusMaximus ("We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good" - Hillary Clinton)
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To: durasell

Well, horses do the same thing, just slower and more smelly. :P


244 posted on 11/30/2004 7:49:33 AM PST by Constantine XIII
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To: January24th
With a sex change, I could have written this....

:O)

245 posted on 11/30/2004 7:52:32 AM PST by Camachee
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To: Camachee

A great essay! I've lived out the super-reliable scenario more than once. Granted, it was because of lousy Lucas Electrics on classy British motorcars in rainy weather, but as her fella would say, "they all do that."


246 posted on 11/30/2004 7:58:10 AM PST by January24th
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To: Texagirl4W
Gotta love this. The first time my husband saw me trying to add oil to my car with and eye dropper in the place where the dip stick went, he asked me to promise him I would never ever again open the hood of my car.

I once owned a car that had to be filled via the dip stick hole.

247 posted on 11/30/2004 8:00:35 AM PST by WildTurkey
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To: January24th
lousy Lucas Electrics on classy British motorcars in rainy weather

A very succinct summary of the hoary history of the British Empire.

248 posted on 11/30/2004 8:01:39 AM PST by Camachee
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To: Old Professer
I once stopped a leak in my 59 Ford Ranchero by filling it with STP.

didn't ya know yer supposed to add duck tape to the gas tank next time you fill er up !

249 posted on 11/30/2004 8:04:58 AM PST by Searching4Justice
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To: Clive
Besides, not knowing anything about cars means I generally listen to my mechanic when he says something needs to be fixed.

Then I'd suggest you ask him to buy you some coffee, or even a coffee plantation with all the money he's making off your ignorance.

250 posted on 11/30/2004 8:05:40 AM PST by 1Old Pro
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To: Moose4; glock rocks; All
"So one day, his oil light came on. He pulled over, dumped three quarts in it, and kept going. It didn't burn any oil...it just hadn't been changed in twenty thousand miles."

Okay...I'm having a little trouble understanding this. Was all the clean oil a shock to the car's system, was this a coincidence or was this something else entirely?

I can remember the day when I looked under the hood of my new car and the little dipstick thingies were color-coded. I thought a new day had dawned. But, regarding the oil light...when my gas light comes on, I know I am supposed to add gas. So, when the oil light comes on, I should think I would need to add oil. Cars, IMO, should have a little light that comes on that looks like a coffee filter, which would tell me to stop and get a cup of coffee...no, just kidding...it would tell me to change the oil filter. Wouldn't that be a logical answer to the oil light confusion?

251 posted on 11/30/2004 8:11:27 AM PST by getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL (More sweat in peace. Less blood in war.)
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To: steveegg

After 27 years of marrige, she knows my weak points. Cooking is not one of them.

I do make one heckuva great peant butter sandwich. All my relatives that eat the stuff know that.


252 posted on 11/30/2004 8:20:10 AM PST by B4Ranch (((The lack of alcohol in my coffee forces me to see reality!)))
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To: All

Lord Mr. Ford, what have you done
Jerry Reed - 1973


Well, if you're one of the millions who own one of them gas drinking, piston clinking,
air polluting, smoke belching, four wheeled buggies from Detroit City, then pay attention;
I'm about to sing your song son.

Well, I'm not a man appointed judge
To bear ill-will and hold a grudge
But I think it's time I said me a few choice words
All about that demon automobile
A metal box with the polyglass wheel
The end result to the dream of Henry Ford
Well, I've got a car that's mine alone
That me and the finance company own
A ready made pile of manufactured grief
And if I ain't out of gas in the pouring rain
I'm a-changing a flat in a hurricane
I once spent three days lost on a cloverleaf
Well, it ain't just the smoke and the traffic jam
That makes me the bitter fool I am
But this four wheel buggy is a-dollaring me to death
For gas and oils and fluids and grease
And wires and tires and anti-freeze
And them accessories, well honey that's something else
Well, you can get a stereo tape and a color tv
Get a backseat bar and reclining seats
And just pay once a month, like you do your rent
Well, I figured it up and over a period of time
This four thousand dollar car of mine
Costs fourteen thousand dollars and ninety-nine cents
Well, now Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see
What your simple horseless carriage has become
Well, it seems your contribution to man
To say the least, got a little out of hand
Well, Lord Mr. Ford, what have you done

Now the average American father and mother
Own one whole car and half another
And I bet that half a car is a trick to buy, don't you?
But the thing that amazes me I guess
Is the way we measure a man's success
By the kind of an automobile he can afford to buy
Well now, red light, green light, traffic cop
Right turn, no turn, must turn, stop
Get out the credit card honey, we're out of gas
Well, now all the car's placed end to end
Would reach to the moon and back again
And there'd probably be some fool pull out to pass
Well now, how I yearn for the good old days
Without that carbon monoxide haze
A-hanging over the roar of the interstate
Well, if the Lord that made the moon and stars
Would have meant for me and you to have cars
He'd have seen that we was all born with a parking space
Lord Mr. Ford, I just wish that you could see
What your simple horseless carriage has become
Well, it seems your contribution to man
To say the least, got a little out of hand
Well, Lord Mr. Ford, what have you done
Come away with me Lucille
In my smoking, choking automobile


253 posted on 11/30/2004 8:29:17 AM PST by B4Ranch (((The lack of alcohol in my coffee forces me to see reality!)))
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To: getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL

My wife's Honda had little colored indicators in the dash that lit up when it was due for oil change. IMO, it would be much more effective if the vehicle just didn't start if an oil change is due :o)


254 posted on 11/30/2004 9:56:54 AM PST by glock rocks (even candycanes start out as just a puddle of sugar and water.)
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To: glock rocks
"when it was due for oil change. IMO, it would be much more effective if the vehicle just didn't start if an oil change is due :o)"

The first time I read that, my first thought was, "hmmm...but doesn't that happen already?" But, of course, you must mean *without* harming the engine. :)

255 posted on 11/30/2004 10:51:45 AM PST by getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL (More sweat in peace. Less blood in war.)
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To: getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL
"So one day, his oil light came on. He pulled over, dumped three quarts in it, and kept going. It didn't burn any oil...it just hadn't been changed in twenty thousand miles."

Okay...I'm having a little trouble understanding this. Was all the clean oil a shock to the car's system, was this a coincidence or was this something else entirely?

The oil light comes on when the oil pressure is insufficient to keep the engine lubricated (most likely because the engine is just about out of oil). It wouldn't be a "shock" to the system to add clean oil, but there is a reason why the oil light is red - that means you didn't check the oil level often enough and you're frying the engine every second you're running it with that little oil (pressure). That "momentary" oil starvation, and the resultant engine blow-up, is likely what happened to that guy.

I can remember the day when I looked under the hood of my new car and the little dipstick thingies were color-coded. I thought a new day had dawned. But, regarding the oil light...when my gas light comes on, I know I am supposed to add gas. So, when the oil light comes on, I should think I would need to add oil. Cars, IMO, should have a little light that comes on that looks like a coffee filter, which would tell me to stop and get a cup of coffee...no, just kidding...it would tell me to change the oil filter. Wouldn't that be a logical answer to the oil light confusion?

A lot of newer cars do have a "change oil soon" light on it (my dad's Saturns are among them). Most of these are purely mileage based (and pop on every 3,000 miles like clockwork) though some (like the Mini Cooper) actually have sensors to determine just how worn out the oil is (Car and Driver did a long-term test of a Mini and it told them to change the oil only twice over 40,000 miles).

The "change oil" and "low gas" lights are amber/yellow/orange (depending on the car and your definition of color) instead of red (like the low oil pressure/high temperature/low voltage lights) because they're not the "drop everything, stop RIGHT NOW, and fix me before driving another yard" type of thing.

256 posted on 11/30/2004 8:02:19 PM PST by steveegg (At this point, even Baghdad Bob has more credibility than Dan Blather)
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To: glock rocks
IMO, it would be much more effective if the vehicle just didn't start if an oil change is due :o)

Are you sure you want that? Take 3 guesses as to whose car Mrs. Glock will be driving until you (not her) get the car towed to the dealer (no starting = no warm engine = no oil change in the comfort of your own garage) and the oil changed, and since I'm nowhere near Utah (even if I were, she would have to know how to drive stick), the first guess doesn't count :-)

257 posted on 11/30/2004 8:11:13 PM PST by steveegg (At this point, even Baghdad Bob has more credibility than Dan Blather)
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To: mamelukesabre

>probably not so much nowdays though.<

Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. A 1969 Plymouth Road Runner or Dodge Super Bee, with your engine, transmission and especially that rear end, could be worth well over $25,000.00 in good condition.


258 posted on 11/30/2004 8:24:47 PM PST by Darnright
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To: steveegg

Thank you for explaining things to me. I think you've given me a new angle to approach dh with for getting me a new car!!

;)


259 posted on 12/01/2004 4:56:05 PM PST by getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL (More sweat in peace. Less blood in war.)
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To: brianl703

Ok, due to your suggestions which my husband lurked and read, he checked out the the courtesy lamps. Found one that was burned out in the sliding door area. He took out the bulb and put electricians tape around the wires and the car has run beautifully since.

I hope that's all it was!!!

Now, for the second but not so immediate problem...why would it be leaking power steering fluid? It used to leak it and the repair guy replaced my entire rack and pinion (don't know the connection, but there you go.) It quit leaking for a while (I think), but now is leaking again, very slowly.

Once I get the power steering under control, I'm selling this car!


260 posted on 12/05/2004 9:16:33 AM PST by 2Jedismom (o\UU/o)
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