My girlfriends and I--straight as a ruler, every one of us--wish that we had wives. I'd sure like to have somebody to make me breakfast, pack my lunch, take care of the kids, do the shopping, vacuum and dust, do all my errands, go to the school meetings, balance the checkbook, handle the social life, cut the grass, do the other gardening, wash the floors, clean the bathrooms, do the laundry, iron my clothes, help with homework, clean up after the dog, and get dinner on the table while I just sit on the sofa drinking beer and bitching about what a busy day I had.