The Two Jerks
I was sitting at my desk the other day, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Jim Moore. May I speak to Robin ?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits.
After I'd hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "Jerk" and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of days, I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and then I'd yell, "You're a jerk!"> Somehow this would always cheer me up.
Then I remembered about Caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. But I wanted to check first. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I said, "This is Herman with the telephone company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?"
He said, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. At least I was still safe.
That night, an old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the stall. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving.
All of a sudden this black Mustang come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I was here first !" The guy climbed out of his Mustang completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me.
I thought to myself, this guy's a jerk, there's sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the telephone number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
The next morning, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling my favorite jerk, and I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Mustang lying on my desk and thought I'd better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Mustang for sale?"
"Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street; the car's parked right out front.
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down.
After a few days of steady calling Jerks one and two, a plot began to form in my evil lil' mind to even the score once and for all. First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jerk!" But I didn't hang up.
Jerk one said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah!!!"
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, Pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
"And where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. My black Mustang is parked out front."
"I'm coming over in a bit, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
I replied, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk !" and I hung up. Then I called Jerk #2.
He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
I replied, "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jerk!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them a big gang fight was going down at 1802 West 34th Street. After that, I climbed into my car and sped over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
What happened with the two jerks?