Blue States, Lacking Martial Spirit & Guns, Cancel Plans To Secede From U.S.

Brokennewz ^ | 11/19/04 | Matt Myford

[Valin]

Plans drawn up by the Blue States to secede from the United States were scrapped yesterday, as would-be militant separatists realized "it's kinda hard to secede when you don't own any guns." The "Blue States" – the U.S. coastal areas and a few states in the Upper Midwest that traditionally vote Democratic – are feeling increasingly isolated and some Blue State People openly called to secede from the rest of the "God-fearin', sister-marryin', (and here's the key) gun-totin' Red States.

"When we were making fun of those Red State hicks," said a Blue Stater, "we never realized that, to secede, we'd need some firearms. They have guns and we don't. Onward, atheist soldiers, to Plan B."

According to a recent study, the only Blue State people with "decent amounts" of guns are "a couple thousand deer hunters" spread throughout rural Pennsylvania and "several hundred gang-bangers" in large California cities.

"Thanks to our liberal sensibilities," said an anonymous Blue Stater, "we're not even able to start a second revolution. It's difficult to set off another 'Shot Heard Round The World' when you lack the device that does the shooting."

Military analysts said the only serious attack that could be mounted by the Blue States (besides the hunters and hoodlums) was an advance on Virginia by the 5th Connecticut Watergun Regiment. "But I'm pretty sure the Virginians could defend themselves," said military historian Caleb Carr, "because they've heard of raincoats."

[quietolong]

Were do people get the idea that the lefties blue liberals don’t have guns!

Yes they have gun! ( there more evolved than us “Red”neck hicks) That’s why they don’t want you to have one. What did Mao say?

[SASsySIGster]

"The minority has decided that massive fraud occurred, that somehow a handful of people duped an entire nation.
"
Shouldn't that be 'stupid' people duped an entire nation?

humph.

Well, I'll have you all know that I am a "blue stater", from right here in Connecticut. if you need a mole, you've got more than one in my circle of friends. George Bush won my city (of approximately 33,000 people). I was the coordinator here for his campaign (applause please). We worked hard, and we won the day, and, I must say, we're damn proud of ourselves, and our President, too.

If you do decide to give New England to Canada, could you give us a heads up? We have a ton of stuff, including a family run business to move before the great transaction takes place. Think about also giving Canada the West Coast, too. If we need a right of way to the Pacific Ocean, we can take one from Southern Kalifornia.

Great article, by the way, whoever put it up.

thanks!!