Just what are the responsibilities of one from a poor family who achieves financial success? The pressure is always on that individual to "provide" for the rest of the family (which may also include distant relatives and friends). The more generous that individual is, the more that resentment is generated because is it never enough and some family members are going to always feel short-changed.
It's a no-win situation.
I happen to be in that situation myself. My wife and I are far from "rich" but we have achieved a level of financial success that far exceeds the rest of the family. It makes social situations somewhat awkward and we are often hit up for money by those family members less fortuate, or should I say, those family members who have made more mistakes in life and now are pleading with us to bail them out.
We are able to brush them off by telling them that we aren't as "rich" as we seem to be (and we aren't - we are just good at managing our money), but Lottery winners don't have that luxury. Everybody knows exactly how rich they are because the amount is published in all the papers.
Point is, I know exactly what this poor man went through. He was evidently trying so hard to be everything to everybody and he ended up pissing everybody off.
As soon as you gain the reputation of being a "soft-touch", they will suck you dry everytime. And instead of showing appreciation, they will actually tell others (behind your back) how little you gave them compared to everybody else.
During the course of my life, other family members have said to others how greedy and selfish we were because we didn't spot them that $5,000 "loan" or help them get out of that credit card trouble. But my wife and I are wise enough to know that they are actually the greedy and selfish ones. It's a shame that this man never gained the same wisdom.
It's a welfare/entitlement human action cycle.
First people are thankful for the aid.
Then they expect (or feel entitled to) the aid.
Then they demand the aid.
Then they are angry because it's not enough.
Several years ago I read an article in an airline magazine on what to do if you won a large lottery - in excess of $1M. The article was a composite by some attornies and accountants. They recommended not cashing in at first, but contacting an accountant and an attorney. I know the attitude of most towards lawyers, but this seems like a good idea. Have him prepare a will, POA and a trust. When you do cash the ticket they recommended the proceeds go to the trust with the trust then paying the ticke holder. This gets the ticket holder out of the position of having everyone and their brother calling for a handout.
They recommended other things like an unlisted phone number, immediately leaving on a vacation/trip of at least 45 days so many will tend to forget about your winning and go on with their lives. Tell the press to pound sand - you will be obligated by the lottery to give an interview and give them the use of your situation for PR, but that is the extent of the press coverage.
Yes, give lots away to what you consider worthy causes, church, charitable organizations of various types, but keep family and friends at an arm length. You will get calls and letters from everyone under the sun caliming to be related or have aworthy cause. Send them to your attorney or accountant and have them prepare a response - takes you out of being the bad guy.
However, after saying all this. I guess I don't have to worry as I do not buy tickets, considering the lottery is nothing but a tax on the poor, I will not contribute to it. As a case in point, the Kentucky Lottery was $95M this week. There was an office pool with a minimum contribution of $10. Out of about 15 or so that played they are all out the ten bucks and I still have mine. Who was the winner there? Had they won I guess I would have gotten a promotion as the next two supervisors above me both played.
You hit the nail right on the head! I am in the exact same situation as you. My husband and I have learned to say "no" to the handouts and to stick together...it is amazing how much back stabbing there is. Nothing is said to our faces, of course, because they are still hoping that we will change our minds and begin handing out the money!
When I read this I get the feeling it could be written by my sister! She married into a family of very hard workers who used their money wisely. She became the favorite target of every member of our family who fell on hard times because of their grasshopper approach to life. She finally divorced, getting a very fair shake in the deal, but now she is living no better than she did before, a minimum wage job and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. You have summed it up very well. Thank you!
When I read this I get the feeling it could be written by my sister! She married into a family of very hard workers who used their money wisely. She became the favorite target of every member of our family who fell on hard times because of their grasshopper approach to life. She finally divorced, getting a very fair shake in the deal, but now she is living no better than she did before, a minimum wage job and barely making it from paycheck to paycheck. You have summed it up very well. Thank you!
Wow, can I relate to you're narrative.
I couldn't believe the expectations of my first wife toward better-off members of her family.
She figured that anyone in her family who, "made it", had a duty to share it!?!
(Maybe this is an unwritten hillbilly code.)
Needless to say, after I had worked my butt off to get my immediate family on our feet, she expected me to bank role her lazy brothers, (which included their drug habits).
Best defense for the concept of DIVORCE!!!!
Hmmmmmmmm ......< tinfoil >
> During the course of my life, other family members have said to others how greedy and selfish we were because we didn't spot them that $5,000 "loan" or help them get out of that credit card trouble. But my wife and I are wise enough to know that they are actually the greedy and selfish ones. It's a shame that this man never gained the same wisdom.
Ain't right quite just yet, but when we get there heaven help the poor dumb SOB that tries that crap with me. Blood relative or not.