What will Vaughn Meader do?

Simply Swagger ^ | Nov. 23, 2004 | Bob Lee Swagger

[AlwaysLurking]

What will Vaughn Meader do?

... a reflection on Nov 22, 1963 - 11/22/2004 12:52:19 PM

I was in the 11th grade at Jesse W. Grainger High School in one of those hundreds of small towns (pop 20,000) across America. Yes, I “remember where I was” when the announcement came over the intercom on Nov 22, 1963. “President Kennedy has been shot”. It was probably Principal Frank L. Mock that told us but I don’t recall. I wasn’t scared or traumatized, but I recall worrying about Vaughn Meader.

There’s a trivia question for you … Who was Vaughn Meader? Meader was the JFK voice on a best selling First Family “parody album”. The only line I recall from the album was something about “a rubber ducky”. I may be off in my time line but his “First Family” was competing with Alan Sherman’s “Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah” album on the charts.

What would Mr Meader do now that JFK parodies had likely just run their course? This was pre Wal-Mart. Everyone bought “albums” at places like The Record Bar where you thumbed thru endless bins of albums or 45s. Did you join the Columbia Record Club? I think everybody did.

The shots rang out across Dealey Plaza just after noon? It was a Friday. I can’t recall if school let out early or not, probably not as it was almost over anyway.

As a Southern boy I knew Kennedy and his bunch were “Yankees” but I wasn’t threatened by that, after all his Veep was from Texas. There were rumors about him running around with Marilyn Monroe. I remember thinking “Why would he do that? His wife, Jackie, is so pretty.”

I don’t think I actually knew any Republicans in eastern North Carolina in 1963. NC had one Repub congressman but that was way off in Charlotte. To show you how long ago it was … we didn’t even make up libelous insults about “eeeevilll Republicans”. I do recall dissing Dwight Eisenhower because “he played golf too much”.

My memories of that weekend involve Jack Ruby and the horse in the funeral parade.

We had the TV on that Sunday AM and I was walking thru the den as the Dallas deputies in those white cowboy hats brought Oswald down to the parking garage. “Hey, what just happened? Mom, Dad, come watch this! Somebody shot Oswald.”

During the funeral parade my Dad explained the significance of the riderless horse and the boots. My Dad knew all kinda stuff like that. He knew about statues of generals and the significance of how many feet their horses had on the ground. I wonder if John Edwards’ Daddy knew that stuff growing up down in Robbins?

I never felt a sense of impending chaos or any need to go into the “air raid shelter” in the backyard. We didn’t have a bomb shelter but there was a model of one out at Smith Concrete Co. on the by-pass. I wondered about “going to the bathroom” in those things?

It didn’t matter whether or not the NFL cancelled its games. My Redskins always lost anyway. They still have the best “fight song” in sports.

Being 16, I was not into the whole “Camelot thing”. JFK had more hair than Ike and Jackie was sure prettier than Mamie. His little brother, Teddy, seemed like a real dork who probably could not spell Chappaquidick. I didn’t know anyone who had accents like theirs. I wondered what kind of family had “a compound at Hyannis”. No one in my hometown had “a family compound”.

This was 1963. I lived in what was socio-economically “the deep South”. All the restaurants had “separate facilities”. “The colored people’s” water fountains were always dirty. I never went into one of “their restrooms” of course. Everyone kind of knew “it wasn’t right” but it was the way it was. Nobody on our high school basketball team could “dunk” but we won back-back state championships anyway. Except for Bill Bunting who was tall, none of our opponents could dunk either.

In 1980 I lived in Dallas. A friend of mine had a Tour business. I would help her by giving guided tours of Dallas to convention groups. I had this whole thing where I would slip into my Walter Cronkite voice as “the presidential motorcade moves through the streets of downtown Dallas. The Texas School Book Depository is on our right and there’s the grassy knoll up ahead. Suddenly shots ring out …” Folks always said it was the highlight of the tour. I have to admit, I was QUITE good at it.

In the late 90s I was heavily involved with NASCAR and INDY car racing. I was in Victory Lane at Texas MotorSpeedway when Aurie Lyendike and A.J. Foyt got into a fistfight. I snapped “the picture” of Foyt’s fist landing on Aurie’s jaw. TMS VP Mike Carancejie called me “the Abraham Zapruder of Motorsports”. I have a blow-up of that picture in my den today.

I have a mild curiosity about The Warren Report and all the conspiracy theories. I know this yahoo who lives in the woods outside Chapel Hill and regularly downloads conspiracy theories from a "mothership" hovering high over the Azores. He’s not shy about sharing them if you ask ... or even if you don't ask. My fave is the one where Condi Rice is the love-child of a night of illicit monkey love between Lee Oswald and Barbara Bush. Sure, the time lines don’t work but if you even considered it that far you need to meet this certified crackpot for “coffee and conspiracy”.

In early October of this year, I was in Washington and met a professional George Bush impersonator. His name is “John” and he lives in Orlando. He has been making a good living doing his Dubyah lookalike gig. He said he was trying to get in as many appearances as he could before November 2 “just in case”. John now has “four more years” before he has to go back to selling insurance or whatever. I still don’t know “whatever happened to Vaughn Meader” … do you?

... and that whole thing with Jackie and Onassis ... eeeewwww yuck!

NOTE: Vaughn Meader died on October 29, 2004 at age of 68. He never performed as JFK again after Nov 22, 1963. First Family was the fastest selling "parody album" in US record history.

[AlwaysLurking]

Yet another great Swagger piece.....

[weegee]

"Vaughn Meader is screwed!" - Lenny Bruce

[MrLee]

Vaugh Meader died a few weeks ago in Maine. The last years of his life were spent bumming drinks in a Waterville bar. Sad.

[weegee]

There was a knockoff/answer album that was a "first family" send up of Kruschev.

I think I've seen another one from the 60s but I can't recall it.

Rich Little did his own knockoff/send up of Ronald Reagan in the 1980s.

[Swede Girl]

Vaughn Meader was all the rage during the Kennedy years. His albums were laugh-out-loud funny. His impersonation was right on the money. I wonder what the Kennedy family thought of the albums......

[MrLee]

Meader did a First Family 2 album, too.

[Political Junkie Too]

The only line I recall from the album was something about “a rubber ducky”.

Mrs. Kennedy: "...and he was a gift from Mr. and Mrs..."
Interviewer: "That's nice."

-PJ

[agitator]

I remember hear that first family album as a kid and it *was* funny.

[ALOHA RONNIE]

.

.."Bobby, the Rubber Beach Ball is M-I-N-E"..

...Vaughn Meader's JFK

.

[Verginius Rufus]

It appears that Swagger can't spell Chappaquiddick either.

[Graymatter]

There was another JFK parody LP in the '60s---I remember everything but the name, since I never saw the album cover. It had "Oh Fitzgerald" to the tune of "Oh Susannah," and "Jackie's Not Home" to "Jimmy Crack Corn," and "Jack Is My Baby" to "Black Is The Color," and---well, there was one track with a discussion of the bills Jackie was racking up...

"Why uh---why would you paint the White House green?" "I painted the White House green, so it would match the lawn." "Poor thinking! Let us move ahead...a bill here for oofs. What are oofs?" "Oeufs...oeuf is French for egg..." "Why do we need imported eggs, can't you get fresh eggs?" "You talk funny, dear..."

Like I said, I remember everything but the title of the album. :) No clue who performed, but it wasn't Vaughn Meader.

[Graymatter]

"When I was young I took a bride, And promised never to leave her side; Then I became the President---She became First Lady and away she went! Jackie's not home but I don't care. Jackie's not home but I don't care. Jackie's not home but-uh, I don't care, I-uh see her on tv."

It's really coming back to me now. Help. :(

[jwpjr]

The cut I remember from it was where the motorcade pulls into a gas station. You hear what sounds like at least 100 cars and motorcycles. Then Meader says, in JFK's voice, "Fill 'em up". Another voice says "All of 'em?" and Meader responds, "Yes, and the motorcycles, too". And then Meader adds "You give Green Stamps don't you?" and the other voice responds "No". Meader says, "Forget it!" and you hear the motorcade moving on! I saw that album up in my attic a couple of weeks ago. I think I'll go dig it out and take a listen. I have a couple of thousand albums up there.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

I have Meader's album! It was very funny in 1963 but has lost some with age.
If I remember, Meader also started a group to force the Kennedys to "Please Cloth Your Horse"!

Over 35000 people joined in the effort showing that there were nuts in America then.

[DustyMoment]

Jesse W. Grainger High School

Hunh~~ I was at Thomas Jefferson High School in Dallas that day, one of about 500 students whose parents wouldn't give them an excuse to get out of school to see JFK. It was a relatively normal day (except that most of the student body was missing) until near the end of lunch.

Suddenly the front door of the school burst open and some girls came rushing into the school in hysterics, claiming that Kennedy was dead.

We it was a sick prank at first, until the principal put the radio broadcast on the school intercom. We spent the remainder of the school day in disbelief, listening as events unfolded.

As I walked home from school, I saw a plane in the air that I believe was AF1 carrying LBJ, Jackie and JFK's body back to Wash.

I always wondered what happened to Vaughn Meador. He was brilliant as JFK and his routines were classics. I'm sad to hear of his passing.

Thanks for the laughs, Vaughn. May you and JFK share a joke together.

[Snickersnee]

It was either Lenny B or Mort Sahl who said, "when they buried Kennedy, there were two bodies in the coffin: JFK's and Vaughn Meader's." How right he was!

[alfa6]

IIRC the rubber duckie was a Rubber swan and it was from the after dinner news confrence skit.

The nurse has a question regarding the distribution of the kids toys at bathtime.

JFK/Meader does the following list, which may not be quite right but close.

"let me see know, the following toys have been allocatted for bathtub use.

18 PT Boats
2 Howdy Doddy plastic bouncing clowns
One ball of Silly Putty
One beach ball
and a Rubber Swan

Now let me make an adjutication on the disposition of the toys:

Niiine of the PT Boats
One of the Howdy Doddy plastic bouncing clowns
And the ball of Silly Putty are for Caroline

Niiine of the PT Boats
One of the Howdy Doddy plastic bouncing clowns
and the Beach Balls are for Baby John John

The Rubber Swaaan is mine!

I am reasonably sure that this is pretty close

HA HA

Have a Great Day tomorrow

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[billorites]

I was 8 years old and in 3rd grade when Kennedy was shot.

I was rehearsing our third grade Thanksgiving pageant, in which I played Miles Standish, and had just finished rehearsal and recall being behind the closed stage curtains bouncing a basketball when someone told me that Kennedy had been shot.

I thought nothing of it as one of my classmates in third grade had the name Kennedy.

Anyway, back in the classroom what had happened became apparent. The school principal spoke at length over the intercom about what it all meant. I went home, two blocks, to find my mother crying. That seemed a little strange at the time because I knew my family were Republicans and had supported Nixon in the election. I didn't understand very well.

Still, we had the Vaughn Meader "First Family" LP and I'd memorized the thing by heart. I can still do all the stupid Jackie routines.

Kennedy's assassination drove a stake into the heart of Vaughn Meader's career.

Years later, around 1978, I was living in Waterville, ME and Vaughn Meader was playing piano in the downstairs bar of the local steak house. He was totally drunk and incoherent. I felt it sad and felt sorry for him. That in itself was strange as pity wasn't something I usually felt as a 21 y.o. Still, he was pathetic. Much more so than the naked piano player "Sweetpea" who Meader was replacing.

I'm sad that he's gone, but surprised that he lasted so long.

[billorites]

"The last years of his life were spent bumming drinks in a Waterville bar."

Decades is more like it.

[alfa6]

There was Bobbie Kennedy's question to JFK in the same skit which went something like this to the best of my recollection.

JFK/Meader...Yes you in the back with the wavy hair.

Bobbie...It's your brother Bobbie

JFK...go ahead Bobbie

RFK...I have a question regarding yesterdays touch football game. I was tackled 3 times once by Senator Dirksen, once by Senator Goldwater and once by Mr Hoffa. Now as Attorney General I can assure you that a tackle in touch football is illegal.

JFK..Yes Bob, you are the Attorney General and yes a tackle in touch football is illegal, but when you play at my house you play by my rules or you don't play at all and I guess you know why.

RFK...No Why

JFK...Because it's my ball

It's amazing the things that you remember all them years later :-)

Y'all have a great day tomorrow

Regards

alfa6 ;>}