Posted on 11/20/2004 11:04:44 PM PST by cfhBAMA
Illegal Immigrants Author Unknown
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada Has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.
I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.
Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals Near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often Wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, We get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are Creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.
I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just cant support them," an Ottawa resident said. How many art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.
We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."
Techniguy http://www.techniguy.com
liberals are so easy to make fun of
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often Wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
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I heard the guards are Evangelical Christian Women with high pitched voices that were rejected from the WWF for having a particular dislke for secularist hollywood types.
Hope their ready for some hard love!!
Hey, no need to give domestic beers the short end of the stick. I'll take a nice, hearty Sam Adams Boston Ale over any of the watery pee-swill put out by Heineken or Amstel any day.
Oh, it's on now...bee-yotch! Prepare to throw down.
"...hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly."
That'd be enough to make me leave, too.
Bump
This is priceless! Too bad the author is unknown. But I'll lay two to one it's P.J. O'Rourke.
bump
SMILE Ping!
Lawrence often played that accordion himself, if I recollect. "Wunterful, wunterful champaigne mu-uh-zick." LOL
Tiny bubbles .... :D
"Tiny Bubbles" is Don Ho's little piece of immortality. You may be remembering the slick way the bubble machine was used during the Lawrence Welk Show's intro.
Play dat funky muzik, white boys!
And some say uptight conservatives don't have any sense of fun.
You and I really should do a grand tour of the great GI bars of Asia. No guarantees on survival, but you'll die with an eternal smile on your face.
Heh, heh, forgive me for jerking your chain, but I was totally bowled over by the thought that I could just pull out and enjoy myself for a change instead of succombing to the endless demands fighting against chaos requires. Lord knows you deserve time off for doing what you have trying to protect our border when our government has failed to do so. I was totally serious when I suggested that our government should use you for Arizona's "Security Czar". In my original writing I said a lot more about partying with possibly mutual aquaintences overseas but realized that could screw them up and disrupt critical ops...
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