Michael Klein
Posted on 11/16/2004 4:06:42 PM PST by neverdem
Michael Klein
LOL, the APA never met my ex-husband. He is passive-aggressive personified.
The original passive agressive: the Good Soldier Schweik. A very funny book.
I'm never going to talk to you again.
Hell, they just described my teenage daughter.
"Looking back, instead of getting angry, I was doing this as a dismissive way of shutting down the conversation"
Or maybe just trying to get along with a nagging, controlling, manipulative, domineering wife. It's either be passive aggressive or get divorced. Women do the same thing when dealing with nagging, controlling, manipulative and dominating husbands. I did read the whole article but it seems to come down to this. The better choice is to just get divorced because the passive aggressive path just prolongs the inevitable. Or did I miss something?
He forgot the one I like best. When you know someone is mad at you and you ask straight out "Are you mad at me"? or "What's wrong?" and they reply "Oh, nothing" and do that silent treatment BS. That one always gets me mad. Usually I will tell people if you have a problem with me you need to address it directly because this behavior will get you nowhere. I am not telepathic. I don't understand what is so darn hard about just saying what is going on. It's like they have a mind set that says "If you REALLY loved me you would read my mind and know what my every emotion is 24-7"
pinging
He forgot the one I like best. When you know someone is mad at you and you ask straight out "Are you mad at me"? or "What's wrong?" and they reply "Oh, nothing" and do that silent treatment BS.
In this case, you are dealing with a child, not an adult. Except since they are a biological adult, they should be treated like an adult. Either they will get over it or...bye, bye.
I know a few of those! Especially the folks who "read at you."
Bingo! It's anger without the guts to express it.
OK. You're right.
Mine was too. He would get into his passive aggressive crap and I would call him on it. I would tell him that it was time for him to be a grown up and address things as they really are instead of playing games. Of course he would deny up and down that was what he was doing and that I must be paranoid for even thinking that way. I found the best way to deal with passive aggressive behavior is to ignore it or make other plans. For example my ex would show up very late for every event we needed to attend together. I eventually learned that trying to get him to change was a waste of breath so I would just go on my own and let him catch up. He would always do this wounded act when I did that. I would just say "Well I have a watch and you have a watch. I run on time because it shows respect for others. If you choose not to it does not mean that I need to be chronically late too."
I had this girlfriend once. Once. She would ask "Do you want to go to the ballet?". If I said "No". I would find the question was really a statement and I had rejected her. She would go off like a rocket. Instead of saying "I want to go to the ballet", she would go all passive aggressive and make it a question that wasn't really a question.
Later, when she asked if I wanted to go to the ballet, I finally learned to tell her that I wished she and her whole family would die.
My mother nagged and nagged my dad to mow the lawn. I mean nagged and nagged and nagged...so he went out and mowed the lawn...and her flowers...every flower in the garden...all of them. I think that may be an example of passive-aggression.
I found the best way to deal with it was to fight fire with fire.
He used to ask, "Do you feel better now?" in a patronizing fashion, which would only make me angrier.
One day, instead of yelling, I started laughing at him. He became furious. LOL, the more I laughed, the angrier he became. It was about the only time I ever saw him lose his temper.
Best thing I ever did - too bad I learned it too late!
Yes, isn't that true for all of us.
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