Look at you, you're gullible enough to believe these silly conspiracy theories...and are are obviously paranoid.
The Bilderberg group, an elite coterie of Western thinkers and power-brokers, has been accused of fixing the fate of the world behind closed doors. As the organisation marks its 50th anniversary, rumours are more rife than ever.
Given its reputation as perhaps the most powerful organisation in the world, the Bilderberg group doesn't go a bundle on its switchboard operations.
Telephone inquiries are met with an impersonal female voice - the Dutch equivalent of the BT Callminder woman - reciting back the number and inviting callers to "leave a message after the tone".
Anyone who accidentally dialled the number would probably think they had stumbled on just another residential answer machine.
 Leiden in Holland, the inauspicious base of the Bilderberg group
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But behind this ultra-modest façade lies one of the most controversial and hotly-debated alliances of our times.
On Thursday the Bilderberg group marks its 50th anniversary with the start of its yearly meeting.
For four days some of the West's chief political movers, business leaders, bankers, industrialists and strategic thinkers will hunker down in a five-star hotel in northern Italy to talk about global issues.
What sets Bilderberg apart from other high-powered get-togethers, such as the annual World Economic Forum (WEF), is its mystique.
Not a word of what is said at Bilderberg meetings can be breathed outside. No reporters are invited in and while confidential minutes of meetings are taken, names are not noted.
The shadowy aura extends further - the anonymous answerphone message, for example; the fact that conference venues are kept secret. The group, which includes luminaries such as Henry Kissinger and former UK chancellor Kenneth Clarke, does not even have a website.
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DISCREET AND ELITE
This year Bilderberg has announced a list of attendees
They include BP chief John Browne, US Senator John Edwards, World Bank president James Wolfensohn and Mrs Bill Gates
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In the void created by such aloofness, an extraordinary conspiracy theory has grown up around the group that alleges the fate of the world is largely decided by Bilderberg.
In Yugoslavia, leading Serbs have blamed Bilderberg for triggering the war which led to the downfall of Slobodan Milosevic. The Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh, the London nail-bomber David Copeland and Osama Bin Laden are all said to have bought into the theory that Bilderberg pulls the strings with which national governments dance.
And while hardline right-wingers and libertarians accuse Bilderberg of being a liberal Zionist plot, leftists such as activist Tony Gosling are equally critical.
A former journalist, Mr Gosling runs a campaign against the group from his home in Bristol, UK.
"My main problem is the secrecy. When so many people with so much power get together in one place I think we are owed an explanation of what is going on.
 Timothy McVeigh was among those who believed the conspiracy theory
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Mr Gosling seizes on a quote from Will Hutton, the British economist and a former Bilderberg delegate, who likened it to the annual WEF gathering where "the consensus established is the backdrop against which policy is made worldwide".
"One of the first places I heard about the determination of US forces to attack Iraq was from leaks that came out of the 2002 Bilderberg meeting," says Mr Gosling.
But "privacy, rather than secrecy", is key to such a meeting says Financial Times journalist Martin Wolf, who has been invited several times in a non-reporting role.
"The idea that such meetings cannot be held in private is fundamentally totalitarian," he says. "It's not an executive body; no decisions are taken there."
As an up-and-coming statesmen in the 1950s, Denis Healey, who went on to become a Labour chancellor, was one of the four founding members of Bilderberg (which was named after the hotel in Holland where the first meeting was held in 1954).
 The alternative - the WEF welcomes journalists
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His response to claims that Bilderberg exerts a shadowy hand on the global tiller is met with characteristic bluntness. "Crap!"
"There's absolutely nothing in it. We never sought to reach a consensus on the big issues at Bilderberg. It's simply a place for discussion," says Lord Healey.
Formed in the spirit of post-war trans-Atlantic co-operation, the idea behind Bilderberg was that future wars could be prevented by bringing power-brokers together in an informal setting away from prying eyes.
"Bilderberg is the most useful international group I ever attended. The confidentiality enabled people to speak honestly without fear of repercussions.
"In my experience the most useful meetings are those when one is free to speak openly and honestly. It's not unusual at all. Cabinet meetings in all countries are held behind closed doors and the minutes are not published."
That activists have seized on Bilderberg is no surprise to Alasdair Spark, an expert in conspiracy theories.
"The idea that a shadowy clique is running the world is nothing new. For hundreds of years people have believed the world is governed by a cabal of Jews.
"Shouldn't we expect that the rich and powerful organise things in their own interests. It's called capitalism."
The Bilderberg Group
“The Invisible Power House”
(Unofficial and incomplete list of Bilderberg participants)
Stenungsbaden, Sweden
May 24-27, 2001
1. Allaire, Paul A. - USA, Chairman, Xerox
2. Andersen, Bodil Nyboe - Denmark, Governor, Central Bank of Denmark
3. Balls, Ed - UK, Spads, Chancellor of the Exchequer, Chief Economic Adviser
4. Balsemão, Francisco Pinto - Portugal, Professor of Communication Science, New University of Lisbon; Chairman, Impresa SGPS; Former Prime Minister.
5. Barnevik, Percy - Sweden, Chairman, Investor AB and ABB (Asea Brown Boveri Ltd.)
6. Bergesen, Jr. Finn - Norway, Administrative director, NHO (Confederation of Norwegian Business and Industry)
7. Bernabè, Franco - Italy, International Board of the World Economic Forum; Special Representative of the Government of Italy to the Balkan, Board member of Peres Center for Peace (President - Uri Savir).
8. Beytout, Nicolas - France, Editor -in -Chief, Les Echos
9. Black, Conrad M. - Canada, Chairman, Telegraph Group Ltd.
10. Bon, Michel - France, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of France Télécom
11. Bruton, John - Irland, Leader, Fine Gael
12. Burda, Hubert - Germany, Publisher, Burda Verlag (magazines)
13. Burgmans, Anthony - Netherlands, C.E.O, Unilever
14. Cebrián, Juan L. - Spain, VC, Sogecable, S.A. (TV Broadcasting)
15. Collomb, Bertrand - France, Chairman and Chief Executive of Lafarge; Director, Total Fina Elf Group (petroleum & chemicals), Atco; Supervisory Board, Allianz; Board of Directors, Credit Commercial de France
16. Couchepin, Pascal - Switzerland, head of the Swiss Federal Department of Public Economy, (Swiss Federal Councillor)
17. Courtis, Kenneth S. - Canada, Vice President for Asia of Goldman Sachs, Inc.; International Research Council of the Center for International and Strategic Studies (CSIS) in Washington and Economic Strategy Institute in Washington.
18. Cot, Pat
19. Dam, Kenneth S. - USA, Deputy Secretary at Treasury, Council on Foreign Relations (New York)
20. Etienne Davignon - Chairman, Société Générale de Belgique, Former Vice Chairman of the Commission of the European Communities
21. David, George A. - Greece, Chairman, Hellenic Bottling Company SA.
22. Dodd, Christopher J. - USA, Senator, D, Connecticut
23. Donilon, Thomas E. - USA, Executive Vice President, FannieMae
24. Draghi, Mario - Italy, President of the Economic and Financial Committee, Council of the EU - Director General of the Treasury
25. Eisenhower, Susan - Tufts University, Asst. Director, Communications and Media Studies
26. Eldrup, Anders - Denmark, Finance Minister; Danish government representative to SAS (airlines)
27. Ergel, Gazi - Turkey, Merkez Bank
28. Feldstein, Martin - USA, professor of economic at Harvard University; President, National Bureau of Economic Research.
29. Fischer, Franz - E.U. Commissioner for Agriculture and Rural Development, European Commission
30. Glickman, Dan - USA, Former Secretary of Agriculture
31. Graham, Donald E. - USA, Publisher, Washington Post
32. Gros-Pietro, Gian Maria - Italy, Chairman, ENI S.p.A.( Italian energy group)
33. Hagel, Chuck - USA, Senator, Nebraska
34. Halberstadt, Victor - Netherlands, Professor of Public Economics, Leiden University
35. Hedelius, Tom - Sweden, Chairman, Svenska Handelsbanken; Vice Chairman of the Board, Ericsson
36. Heinonen, Olli-Pekka - Finland, Minister of Transport and Communications
37. Heyerdahl, J.
38. Höegh, Westye - Norway, Chairman of the Board, Leif Hoegh & Co ASA
39. Hoeven, C. H.
40. Hunkin, John - Canada, Chairman and C.E.O., Canadian Imperial Bank of Commerce
41. Huyghebaerth, Jan - Belgium, Almanij NV
42. Johansson, Leif - Sweden, C.E.O., Volvo
43. Johnson, James A. - USA, Johnson Capital
44. Jordan Jr., Vernon E. - USA, Senior Partner, Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Field
45. Kissinger, Henry A. - USA, Kissinger Associates; Former Secretary of State
46. Jack Sheinkman - Chairman of the Board, Amalgamated Bank
47. Kopper, Hilmar - Germany, Chairman of Supervisory Board, Deutsche Bank
48. Kravis, Henry R. - USA, Kohlberg Kravis Roberts
49. Lamy, Pascal - International, EU, European Commissioner
50. Lévy-Lang, André - France, Former Chairman Paribas
51. Lewis, Bernard - USA, Emeritus Professor of Near Eastern History, Princeton University
52. Lipponen, Paavo - Finland, Prime Minister
53. Lord Bernard Weatherill - UK, former Speaker of the House of Commons, Convenor of the Cross -Bench Peers
54. MacMillan, Margareth - UK, Dean, University of Newcastle
55. Manos, Stephanos - Greece, Member of the Greek Parliament & Former Minister of National Economy; President of the Liberal Party
56. Martins, G d’O.
57. Mathews, Jessica T. - USA, Carnegie Endowment
58. Melkert, Ramonde
59. deMontbrial, Thierry - France, French Institute of International Relations
60. Monti, Mario - Italy, EU - Commissioner for Competition (internal market, financial services, financial integration, customs, taxation)
61. Mosdorf, Siegmar - Germany, Minister of Science and Technology; Parlimentary Secretary of State
62. Moskow, Michael H. - USA, President , Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago
63. Moura, Vasco Graça, EU, 1st Vice President, Committee on Culture, Youth, Education, the Media and Sport
64. Monroe-Blum, Heather - Canada, Vice-President for Research and International Affairs, University of Toronto
65. Nashashibi, Mohammed - Finance Minister for Palestine Authority
66. Nass, Mattias - Germany, Deputy Editor, Die Zeit
67. Olechowski, Andrzej - Poland, former presidential candidate
68. Ollila, Jorma - Finland, President and C.E.O., Nokia Corporation; Member of the board of directors, Ford Motor Company and UPM-Kymmene (large timber/paper company)
69. Ospel, Marcel - Switzerland, President & Group Chief executive, Union Bank Of Switzerland (UBS - total assets $ 1,1 Trillion)
70. Padoa-Schioppa, Tommaso - Italy, President of the International Center for Monetary and Banking Studies; Member of the G -7 & G -20 Deputies; Chairman of the G -10 Committee on Payments and Settlement Systems
71. Padgrotsky, Leif - Sweden, Trade Minister
72. Pearl, H. Frank - USA, Chairman & C.E.O of Perseus; Founder & Chairman, Rappahannock Investment Company and Counterpoint Press.
73. Pehe, Jiri - Czech Republic, former advisor to President Havel
74. Perle, Richard - USA, Chairman and chief executive officer, Hollinger Digital, Inc.; Director, Jerusalem Post
75. Persson, Göran - Sweden, Prime Minister
76. Pragnell, M. P. - UK, Director, AstraZeneca plc
77. Prestowitz Jr., Clyde V. - USA, Founder & President, Economic Strategy Institute (areas of expertise: Globalization, Asia, Technology Policy, Business Strategy); former senior associate at the Carnegie Endowment
78. Raidl, Claus - Austria, Director, Boehler Uddeholm AG (steel)
79. Ramqvist, Lars - Sweden, Chairman & C.E.O., Ericsson (world’s third largest mobile phone manufacture); Board member, Skandia & Volvo
80. Rattner, Steven - USA, Investment Banker, Director, Quandrangle Group; US Treasury advisory committee on IMF matters; “old hand” at Davos meetings of the World Economic Forum; Chairman of New York Channel 13
81. Riotta, Gianni - Italy, Publisher, La Stampa
82. Robertson of Port Ellen, George - Secretary General, NATO
83. Rockefeller, David - USA, Chairman of the International Advisory Committee, Chase Manhattan Bank; Founder and Honorary Chairman of the Trilateral Commission
84. Rodriques Inciarte, Matías - Spain, Banco Santander Central Hispano
85. Roll of Ipsden Eric - UK, UBS Warburg
86. Sanberk, Özdem - Turkey, Turkish Ambassador to the U.K.; Director General, Turkish Economic and Social Studies Foundation (TESEV)
87. Scholten, Rudolf, A. - Austria, Österreichische Kontrollbank
88. Schrempp, Jürgen E. - Germany, Chairman of the Board, DaimlerChrysler
89. Seidenfaden, Tøger - Denmark, Editor-in-Chief, Politiken - one of the biggest Danish newspapers
90. Shevtsova, Lilia - Russia, Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, Visiting Professor, University of California at Berkeley & Cornell University
91. Siedentop, Larry A. - USA, Fellow of Keble College & lecturer on political philosophy at Oxford University; Author of Democracy in Europe
92. Sieghart, Mary Ann - UK, Editorial writer, Times of London
93. Sofia, Queen of Spain
94. Taylor, J. Martin - Chairman, WH Smith Group, Adviser, Goldman Sachs
95. Thornton, John L. - USA, Director, Ford Motor Co.; former President of Goldman Sachs Group; Member, CFR and the Brookings Institution
96. Treschcow, Michael - Sweden, C.E.O., Electrolux AB
97. Trichet, Jean-Claude, France, Banque de France
98. Vasella, Daniel L. - Switzerland, Chairman & C.E.O., Novartis (Pharmaceuticals)
99. Virkunen, Janne - Finland, Senior Editor -in -Chief, Helsingin Sanomat
100. Wallenberg, Jacob - Sweden, Chairman, Skandinaviska Enskilda Banken
101. Wallenberg, Marcus - Sweden, C.E.O, Investor; Vice Chairman of the Board, Ericsson
102. Whyte, Kenneth - Canada, Editor -in-Chief, The National Post
103. Wolf, Martin - UK, Associated Editor/Economics Commentator
104. Wolfensohn, James D. - President, The World Bank
105. Wolff von Amerongen, Otto - Germany, Chairman and C.E.O., Otto Wolff Industrieberatung und Beteiligungen GmbH.
106. Queen Beatrix - Netherlands H. R. H. the Prince - Netherlands
