Posted on 11/13/2004 6:57:32 PM PST by CHARLITE
Reading between the lines, we present this week’s news:
Yasser Arafat is dead. It’s about time, too. Right about now he should be at the pearly gates, hearing the bad news that 70 virgins aren’t waiting for him. I’m saddened only because Arafat’s death resulted from some physical illness rather than an Israeli missile strike. Naturally, the Palestinians are blaming Israel, saying he was poisoned. Nice thought, even if it isn’t the truth. Arafat is given a lovely eight-page online obituary in The New York Times, which remembers his order of a massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympics one of his ''spectacular deeds.'' Unbelievable. A friend reminds me that Arafat was the Osama bin Laden of his time, and the Times treats him as a folk hero.
They say famous people die in threes. My choice for the next ''statesman'' to kick the bucket: Kim Jong Il.
U.S. forces hit Fallujah hard this week. An article in Tuesday’s Guardian observes that ''American soldiers of the 1st Infantry Division taskforce avenging their fallen comrades.'' And what exactly is wrong with that? Many readers, I’m sure, take issue with some of the troops’ quotes, in which they call insurgents a ''real juicy target'' and a few other choice terms. ''I’ve got my kills,'' one soldier says, ''I just love my job.'' Another: ''Dude, give me the sniper rifle. I can take them out--I’m from Alabama.'' Maybe some of our soldiers do take killing lightly. Maybe their flippant comments relieve the pressure of combat. So what? This is their job, and they’re battling avowed enemies who enjoy slaughtering innocent civilians. I say we’re blessed to have these guys and men who can stomach the horrors of war, fighting on our behalf.
Attorney General John Ashcroft has resigned, and White House counsel Alberto Gonzales is expected to take his place. We’ll see how Gonzales performs when Senate Democrats grill him. As for Ashcroft, he performed admirably and did great work for the Bush administration, even as liberals--repelled by his morals and Christian faith--unfairly maligned him. We are in his debt.
Michael Moore has begun work on a follow-up to ''Fahrenheit 9/11,'' which I’m certain, as far as sequels go, will rank right up there with ''Big Top Pee Wee.'' He says, ''Fifty-one percent of American people lacked information [in this election], and we want to educate and enlighten them. They weren’t told the truth. We’re communicators and it’s up to us to start doing it now.'' Where to begin? This statement reveals the essence of liberal thought: people simply can’t be conservative; they just think they are. We must show them they’re wrong, and naturally they’ll be grateful we turned on the lights in their heads. Memo to Mike: you didn’t convince 51 percent of us with ''Fahrenheit 9/11,'' and you’re not going to reel us in with a sequel. We don’t think you’re a communicator. We think you’re a loser. We don’t need you to ''enlighten'' or ''educate'' us. We want you to go away. Forever. We don’t care where, as long as it’s not a red state.
President Bush intends to open an Alaskan wildlife refuge for oil drilling. Cool. Let’s send all the Democrats in Congress to do the drilling. I bet Nancy Pelosi has the cutest little winter coat and matching gloves for the job.
Madonna says U.S. troops should leave Iraq. ''My feelings are, 'Can we all just get out?' '' she says. Thanks for the deep thoughts, Madge. What would we do without your wisdom in these difficult times? I feel sorry for Israelis, enduring all her stupid Kabbalah pilgrimages. I’m not sure what’s worse for them: her contrived kinship or the threat of Palestinian violence.
I suspect thousands of Vietnam War veterans had a great Veterans Day this week, secure in the knowledge that John Kerry failed to win the presidency. He used them as a stepping stone to national prominence in 1971 by accusing them of war crimes they didn’t commit, then called upon them this past fall to put him in the White House. Guess he didn’t speak for all of them.
Jurors found Scott Peterson guilty in the slayings of his wife, Laci, and their unborn child, Conner. Charged with first-degree murder in Laci’s death and second-degree murder in Conner’s death, Peterson faces either the death penalty or life without parole. Once upon a time he would have been put to death just for having an affair. I’ve always been a bit wishy-washy myself on the death penalty, but as a husband and a father, I want to see justice served. I would vote for the death penalty in his case.
About the Writer: Matt Grills is a writer and conservative activist living in Indianapolis, where he works for a nonprofit organization. Matt receives e-mail at matt@theminorprophet.com
The bad news for Arafat is the 70 virgins are not young boys.
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