This question about money and benefits...isn't this what happened?
When Scott was listed as MIA, doesn't everything continue? I mean...wouldn't Scott still rate his pay and benefits? After all...he isn't declared killed...he is missing in action. If a wife were to remarry while a spouse is still declared missing, then she would not be the next of kin if his status were changed to KIA.
Given that Scott's status was changed long ago to KIA, I believe that Mrs. Speicher would have received money from the gov't for his death.
I also believe that when Scott was re-declared MIA at the end of Clinton's monarchy, because of the new intelligence that Scott was alive in Iraq and being held prisoner, Mrs. Speicher, now Harris, was due to receive all of the years of back pay which were wrongfully stopped.
Anyway, my dh is a military pilot. We lost many friends over the years on active duty. People who are not in Mrs. Speicher's shoes have absolutely no right to criticize any of her actions. The grief that our friends widows endured/endure is off the charts. These guys who fly in our military squadrons are closer than fraternity brothers, especially during deployments and wartime. They grieve incredibly each and every time. Pilots in the squadrons are like brothers, and add their families to the mix, and it does become a family. I will never forget the morning the wives received news that one of the pilots went missing during night operations over the Indian Ocean. After 3 days of searching, the pilot was considered dead, and the ship pressed forward in their mission. Months later when the pilots returned home from deployment, one of their immediate requests had to do with visiting with the KIA pilot's widow.
Anyway, to all, please understand that this is a situation well beyond anything you can imagine. So please, do not judge anyone in this family.
Your post was warm, compassionate & obviously heartfelt. Thank you for taking your time to share your thoughts and experience on this very emotional topic.