Michael Moore finally speaks

MichaelMoore.com ^ | Nov. 5th, 2004 | Michael Moore

[Validus]

Friday, November 5th, 2004 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of the Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), thinks the war is a mistake (51%), and doesn’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.michaelmoore.com

[Graybeard58]

I believe the Kennedy win over Nixon was much narrower.

He has evidently already forgotten Bushes win over Gore in 2000 That was a narrow margin for sure.

[HiTech RedNeck]

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

He reads like a parody

[The KG9 Kid]

Imagine having to be a liberal reading these lame gags on the worst week of your life:

(((*Crickets*)))

[blackbart.223]

He has proven to be irrelevant. He just hasn't figured it out yet.

[hineybona]

Hey , I know it's off topic but where's Al Gore been ..I forgot all about him ..Is he drunk or hanging himself somewhere..? Havent heard his name mentioned since the big win .

[occutegirl]

Moore is a poisonous nut.

[TomasUSMC]

Yep. Ever since Moore has been "helping" the democrat libs, they have lost two consecutive Presidential Elections. Thanks Mike.

[stopillegalimmigration]

18. We have four years to destroy this treasonous fat boy.

[Meganistan]

#18- He can spend four more years making movies (definately NOT documentaries, as some people foolishly call them) accusing people of capitalizing of 9/11- just like he did. I had to watch Bowling for Columbine in one of my high school classes. He bashed security companies/gun comanies (if I remember correctly) for having sales go up after 9/11. In a movie he made $$$ off of about Columbine...with books and another movie on the way making more $$$$ about 9/11.

[Auntie Dem]

The morbidly obese filmmaker makes a sobering point--55 million Americans voted for a man like Senator Kerry. How does one put a positive spin on that?

Actually, a true statement would be there were 55 million Kerry votes, not necessarily people that voted for the schmuck. Because of massive leftist voter fraud I bet there were fewer than 50 million people that voted for the scumbag's husband gigolo.

[Cold Heat]

The reaction of the press was, "HAW HAW HAW!! Nixon is a Lame Duck! Lame Duck! Lame Duck! Lame Duck! LAME DUCK!!!" Here he had just won the biggest landslide since about 1820, and all they could come up with to describe this monumental feat was that!

So true! That was when I first heard the term used and understood what it meant.

I remember thinking about why they figured four more years was lame.

[wardaddy]

88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time!

sounds like some freepers I know....course like all closet racist paternalistic libs, he sees all latinos as non-white.

[IronJack]

I think Michael wrote this standing on his head.

He couldn't. Hedgehogs would build a nest in his skull, and grackles would inhabit his ... well ... other end.

[Scott from the Left Coast]

First, it's too bad that he opened his foul trap. It was so much more pleasant an atmosphere with his pie-hole shut.

Second: Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

As to that: Since FDR was re-elected in 1944 during WWII, six times Democrats have been elected to the Presidency (Truman '48, Kennedy '60, Johnson '64, Carter '76 and Clinton '92 & '96). Only once in those six elections did the Democrat get a greater proportion of the popular vote than Bush got on Tuesday -- in the Johnson landslide in '64. Every other time the Democrat got just a hair over 50% or under 50% (Clinton both times).

So stick that in your pie-hole Moore-on and chew it for a few years.

[Meganistan]

Maybe Al grew another beard and is getting fatter and sweatier than he already is. (Guess he didn't take 2000 to well?)

[Time4Atlas2Shrug]

The way I see it, if you are elected to the office you have a mandate. You are obligated to work for the principles for which you were elected. I see nothing in the Constitution that limits the President's authority to govern if he wins by only a slight majority. They had no problem with Clinton enacting his agenda with only a plurality. The President is not elected to sit on his laurels.

[MorseMoose]

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan.

In 1984 Reagan got just under 55 million popular votes, against Walter Mondale who got just under 38 million. Obviously there are millions and millions more voters this year than 20 years ago. Imagine the shellacking someone like Kerry would have received had he ran against Reagan back then. Oh, wait, THEY DID!!

[smoothsailing]

This whole thread is such a hoot!

Thank God I love my Free Republic.

Thanks to all freepers and especially JIM ROBINSON for this fine place.

[Agrarian]

They need to break 50-50 for it to be a wash, and I hope you're right that we're on our way to that.

An equally important demographic is the urbanization of America. For whatever reason, urban life seems to breed liberalism. This means that we need to squeeze more and more votes out of the non-urban populations in order to stay competitive.

Bush was a good candidate, he had massive support, he was an incumbent, and he was a "soft" conservative on key issues like government spending and size; and yet the race was uncomfortably close... I just don't like the trend.

I particularly don't like the trend when I hear people talking up Guiliani for president -- a man who would never be able to mobilize and motivate non-urban socially conservative voters the way that W did.