Posted on 11/03/2004 9:41:21 AM PST by martin_fierro
‘Crossfire' Gets Ruffed Up
By LISA DEMORAES
Published on 11/3/2004
Looking for a way to put to rest any talk that “The Daily Show” faux anchor Jon Stewart had gotten the best of them when he was a guest on their show, “Crossfire's” Paul Begala and Tucker Carlson had Triumph the Insult Comic Dog hand puppet on Monday, the final full day of the presidential race.
“Regular viewers of this show — both of you — know that occasionally our guests come on and insult the hosts, so we thought we'd wind up this very nasty campaign by interviewing the Abbot of Abuse, the Viceroy of Vicious, the Pope of Putdowns, the Idol of Insults,” Begala began, indicating this was going to be a comedy bit.
“Stop Hurting America!” Triumph, aka right arm of comic Robert Smigel, shouted, mirroring comments Stewart made when he got into his own dogfight on the show, calling Carlson a “(male pride)” but only after Carlson had twice called him Sen. John Kerry's “butt boy.”
Carlson, who seemed better prepared this time, told Triumph they enjoyed hurting America. You got the impression he wished he'd used that line on Stewart. He then called Triumph a “pompous” dog — again, as if channeling Stewart.
“Get over it! Jon Stewart made you his (expletive)!” Triumph shot back. Score one for the hound.
“It's good to see that Jon had a real impact on you guys, a real reality check,” Triumph snarled. “Jon made some good points: Let's be better journalists, let's book Conan's dog.”
“I felt like we have learned something from him,” Carlson countered. “That's why we booked you.”
We're convinced there was an insult in there, directed at Stewart, but we can't quite put our finger on it.
Carlson, on a roll, noted that while Triumph, a rubber-headed Rottweiler, is a German dog, Triumph speaks with a Russian accent.
“How does that work?” Carlson asked, like a prep school debater who knows he's put a good one over on his opponent.
“Don't question it,” Triumph barked. “And I am a real dog, not a puppet. ... No self-respecting man would sit here and prop up a puppet — except for Dick Cheney.”
(Insert equal-time joke here.)
Carlson wanted to know who Triumph wanted to win the election. Triumph said he couldn't care less, adding that Carlson was the one man “so repellent” he could “make a woman want to sleep with Paul Begala.” He called Begala “so far up the butt of President Clinton they call you The Colonoscope.”
“You people have a responsibility! Jon is right, this is CNN!” Triumph yapped.
“OK, now I'm starting to hate you,” Tucker responded cleverly.
“This is ‘Crossfire'!” the puppet continued. “The 36th most popular show on CNN!”
Phucker Carlson is a traitor toadie.
He called the race for Kerry, no mercy for him.
I ping, I ping! I ping because I love!
Tucker Carlson's sin isn't in calling a race wrong--it's that's he's never said a single interesting thing, ever.
Funny! Thanks!
Like I've stated, he's been drinking the KoolAid and Novak can't save him.
ROTFL...I keed, I keed!
ROFL! "I liked your election prediction, Tucker........FOR ME TO POOP ON!"
Man, that's good.
My favorite Triumph line was from the bit where he was interviewing Star Wars geeks waiting in line in costume to watch the latest installment. Triumph asks the geek in the full Darth Vader costume, pointing to one of the colorful lights on Vader's breastplate, "Which one do you push to call your mother to pick you up?"
My fave was when he went up to the girl and said, "Your're surrounded by hundreds of men who have no idea how to please you." :)
Did Carville put anything else on his head last night? Such as Paul Begalas Colon or something
hmmm where is Jon Stuart today?
It was kind of a Smigel vs. Gollum thing, eh?
ROFL! I hate I missed that, but I don't watch Crossfire.
How about this Carlson quote?
"I don't know a single journalist who voted for Bush, not one," said Carlson, a conservative commentator. "The consensus in journalism is that he is not a good president." But ideology aside, Carlson said, "new is always better -- new story, new sources. Maybe an easier time getting through to significant people in the White House."
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