THE TWO JOHNS: SO WHAT'S YOUR NEXT SPEECH GOING TO BE ABOUT?

CHRONWATCH.COM ^ | OCTOBER 21, 2004 | GREGORY BORSE

[CHARLITE]

The Two Johns: What's Your Next Speech Going to Be About? (Election Levity, II) Written by Gregory Borse Friday, October 22, 2004

Al Gore’s Gore TV--a new cable channel that promises to speak to kids in their twenties in a language they can relate to--released more footage from the reality series, ''The Two Johns.'' The series, which follows two rich, white liberals as they plot their strategery for winning of the White House in 2004, is currently being shot and producers intend a November 3, premiere.

In this snip, the two Johns discuss campaign speechmaking. Commenting on the footage, Gore TV owner and former Vice President Al Gore, said, ''I’m not the President, but I hope to play one on T.V., and I can tell you that these two guys are the real deal, do you fashnizzle? I mean, I would recount to you what they said, but you have got to see this footage yourself, do you dig it?''

John: ''So, what’s your next speech going to be about?''

John: ''You know, what the people of these great United States of America need is a leader who can express the idears in language that they hold closest to their hearts. A language that speaks to the multiplicity of idears that makes up the great pantheon of American diversity. A language that says to Grandma 'I care about your cats,' and to Junior, 'Son, I have been there, I have done that!' A language that says to the Mary Cheneys, 'I will love you even if your parents are embarrassed by your sexual orientation.' ''

John: ''So, you are going to level with the American people?''*

John: ''Yes. But most of all, I’ll tell my fellow Americans, I pledge to you that I will always level with the American people, because it's only by leveling and telling the truth that you build the legitimacy and gain the consent of the people who ultimately we are accountable to. I will level with the American people.''

John: ''That’s awesome. I mean, it sounds like a plan. But, when it comes to healthcare for instance, are you going to work with Republicans and Democrats on this health care plan, so we will pass it?''

John: ''I will work with Republicans and Democrats across the aisle, openly, not with an ideological, driven, fixed, rigid concept, but much like Franklin Roosevelt said, I don't care whether a good idea is a Republican idea or a Democrat idea. I just care whether or not it's gonna work for Americans and help make our country stronger. And we will pass this bill. I'll tell you a little bit about it in a minute, and I'll tell you why we'll pass it, because it's different from anything we've ever done before, despite what the Republicans want to try to tell you.''

John: ''No, tell me about it now. I want to hear about it now. I love your plans. I mean, how come the Democrats are across the aisle? That’s good. Nuanced. I mean, it nearly screams: These worries are real, and they're happening all across America!''

John: ''That’s right, John. And you know, I can look you in the eye and say: These worries are real. They're not made up. These stories aren't something that's part of a Democrat plan or a Republican plan. These are American stories. These are the stories of American citizens. And it's not just individual citizens who are feeling the pressure of health care costs. It's businesses across America. It's CEOs all across America. This is an American problem.''

John: ''That’s awesome. I hope the CEO of Halliburton is feeling it, you know? It’s almost like you’re saying that's wrong, and we have to change it.''

John: ''Well, it’s because that is wrong, my friend. We shouldn't be just hoping and praying. We need leadership that acts and responds and leads and makes things happen.''

John: ''Yeah. That's wrong, and we have to change it.''

John: ''Well, that's wrong. We had a chance to change it in the Congress of the United States. They chose otherwise. And I'll talk about that in a minute.''

John: ''No, talk about it now. Really. I’m sorry, what was it again? Is it like is? Like it's wrong to make it illegal for Medicare to negotiate with the drug companies for lower prices?''

John: ''Exactly. But not satisfied to hold onto the drug company's profit there, they went further. Medicare belongs to you. Medicare is paid by the taxpayer. Medicare is a taxpayer-funded program to keep seniors out of poverty. And we want to lower the cost to seniors, right? It's common sense. But when given the opportunity to do that, this president made it illegal for Medicare to do what the VA does, which is go out and bulk purchase drugs so we could lower the taxpayers' bill and lower the cost to seniors. It is wrong to make it illegal to lower the cost of tax and lower the cost to seniors.''

John: ''Wait. Did you just say that you wanted to lower a tax?''

John: ''Now, if you had any doubts at all about anything that I've just said to you, anybody who's listening can go to johnkerry.com or you can go to other independent sources and you can track down the truth of what I've just said. But if you had any doubts about it at all, his response to the shortage of the flu vaccine ought to put them all to rest.''

John: ''I gotta track down the truth? Man, that is participatory democracy you are talking about there. I like it! What’s that website? Johnkerry.com? Man, you are brilliant--a website named johnkerry.com that’s independent! Now that’s a plan, Man. That’s a plan! It’s as if you are saying you believe we need a fresh start on health care in America. You believe we need a president who will fight for the great middle class and those struggling to join it. And with everybody’s help, you will be that kind of president.”

John: ''You know, John, I believe so deeply--and as I go around, Bob and Bill and I were talking about this coming over here from other places--that the hope that we're seeing in the eyes of our fellow Americans, folks like you who have come here today who know what's at stake in this race. This isn't about Democrat and Republican or ideology. This is about solving problems, real problems that make our country strong and help build community and take care of other human beings. I believe we need a fresh start on health care in America. I believe we need a president who's going to fight for the great middle class and those who really are struggling, even below minimum wage now. And they won't even raise it. With your help, ladies and gentlemen, I intend to be that kind of president who stands up and fights for the people who need the help.''

John: ''Man, oh man. You guys just came from other places? Neat. I didn’t even know that making our country strong and helping build community and take care of other human beings were real problems to be solved! Man, that’s nuanced! How are you going to sell it? You going to tell people that families will be able to choose from dozens of different private insurance plans?”

John: ''Now George Bush is trying to scare America. And he's running around telling everybody--I saw this ad the other night. I said, 'What is that about? That's not my plan. That may be some 20 years ago they pulled out of the old thing.' But here's what they do, they are trying to tell you that there is some big government deal. Ladies and gentlemen, we choose. I happen to choose Blue Cross/Blue Shield. I could choose Kaiser. I could choose Pilgrim. I could choose Phelan. I could choose any number of different choices. That's what we get. And we look through all the different choices and make our choice. You ought to have that same choice. The government doesn't tell what you to do. The government doesn't run it. It gives you the choice.''

John: ''The Government doesn’t run it but it gives the choice. I like that. Yeah. Like saying Ladies and Gentlemen, here's the Bush Health Care Plan: Don't get a flu shot, don't import less-expensive drugs, don't negotiate for lower prices, and most of all, don't get sick.''

John: ''No. More like saying this: So, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you had doubts about it at all, here's the Bush Health Care Plan: Don't get a flu shot, don't import less-expensive drugs from Canada, don't negotiate for lower prices on prescription drugs. And don't get sick. Just pray, stand up and hope, wait--whatever. We are all left wondering and hoping. That's it.''

John: '' 'Whatever.' Cool. It’s like, it’s so nuanced I can’t even understand it. You are so smart. What, you go to school in Switzerland or something?'' *This exchange is based upon a serious comparison between the text of a speech made available to the press and the words spoken by John Kerry on healthcare in Tampa, Florida on Monday, October 18, 2004. The second John's responses are direct quotes--though a few include slight changes for grammar and fluidity. The first John's comments/questions are fictionalized statements based upon quotes from the original text of Kerry's speech made available to the press. All quotes are bastardizations (to one degree or another) of an original article penned by Chris Suellentrop, Washington bureau chief for Slate, originally published on October 19, 2004. The foregoing does not reflect Mr. Suellentrop's work in any way whatever.

To read Election Levity, Part I, go to: http://www.chronwatch.com/content/contentDisplay.asp?aid=10441

About the Writer: Gregory Borse is assistant professor of English at Ivy Tech State College in Wabash, Indiana. Dr. Borse, a family man with "a beautiful wife and four beautiful children," enjoys writing, current events, media, politics, and golf. Gregory receives e-mail at gregorbo@peoplepc.com.

[Tamar1973]

Maybe their next speech should be used to condemn their supporters who think it's ok to spit on Iraq War Vets.

[Fintan]

Al Gore’s Gore TV--a new cable channel that promises to speak to kids in their twenties in a language they can relate to...