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Fear not America - Metro-Sexual man & Silky Boy to the rescue!
Insight Mag ^ | October 8, 2004 | J. Matt Barber

Posted on 10/08/2004 2:30:16 PM PDT by livesbygrace

He may wear a pretty, skintight Body Glove, Gucci Turtleneck, listen to Barbara Streisand, and have an artificial bronze hue; but don't kid yourself, he don't swing that way. He's plenty tough enough!

By day he's the windsurfing, flip-flopping, French looking Liberal Senator from Massachusetts; but by night, John Kerry is... "Metro-Sexual Man."

With his trusty sidekick Silky Boy, it's off to the Femmobile to save America from his arch nemesis "W" and his partner in crime "The VP."

Financed by his Billionaire Sugar-Mamma "Teresa" (actually the inspiration for the Kinks 1970 hit Lola), Metro-Man and Silky Boy promise to better "W" and "The VP" in their ill-advised "War on Terror."

They have assured America that, just as soon as they are able to pass the requisite "Global Test," and have International Super-Heroes Jacque Chirac and Gerhard Schroeder onboard, they will fight the most terribly "sensitive"...frighteningly "multilateral"...completely "Law Enforcement" based War on Terror, in the history of the world.

Metro-Man, with his bold and robust Northeast Ivy-League accent, has promised to "hunt down" and "kill" the terrorists like they've never been hunted down and killed before. No doubt, having realized their doom is imminent; terrorists throughout the world are trembling in their sandals.

As helpless Americans, we can only hope and pray that Metro-Man and Silky Boy will implement their trademark "Limp-Wristed Bi*@! Slap" and violently hurl the terrorists to their virgin paradise.

So now it's up to you America. On November 2nd, let's not re-elect that simply spoken, cocky cowboy from Crawford who walks with a swagger and carries a big stick. Surely, that's just what the terrorists want us to do.

What the terrorists truly fear, is a President who has style and culture; a President who can recite, cold, highlighted portions of Hamlet; a President who actually has the superhuman ability to vote for something before he votes against it.

We can't afford a President who stubbornly stands on just one side of an issue. We need one who can do it all...who believes it all...who has stood for it all.

For the sake of America...for the Sake of Humanity, America must trust in... Metro-Sexual Man and Silky Boy.

J. Matt Barber is a non-practicing attorney, an undefeated heavyweight professional boxer (Matt "Bam Bam" Barber), and a professional jazz drummer in the Chicago Land (IL) area. In addition to his Law Degree, Barber holds a Master of Arts in Public Policy. Matt Works for Allstate Insurance Company as a Territorial Senior Manager in Allstate's Law and Regulation Corporate Security (Internal Fraud Investigations) Department.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: edwards; election; etc; johnjohn; kerry; wot
Yee-haw!!
1 posted on 10/08/2004 2:30:16 PM PDT by livesbygrace
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To: livesbygrace
" his Billionaire Sugar-Mamma "Teresa" (actually the inspiration for the Kinks 1970 hit Lola), "

Haw Haw!

2 posted on 10/08/2004 2:33:04 PM PDT by blues_guitarist (Black conservatives arise!)
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To: blues_guitarist

This is GREAT! Only one slight problem: There are Democrats out there who actually BELIEVE this type of stuff!


3 posted on 10/08/2004 2:36:06 PM PDT by freecopper01
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To: livesbygrace

For some reason, this conjures to mind images of the Ambiguously Gay Duo from Saturday Night Live...


4 posted on 10/08/2004 2:36:56 PM PDT by Ex-Dem (AFL-CIO - Where organized labor becomes organized crime.)
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To: livesbygrace
I prefer a "Retro-sexual"
5 posted on 10/08/2004 2:48:16 PM PDT by AZamericonnie (We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Will R)
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Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: livesbygrace

It's pronounced "silky PONY."


7 posted on 10/08/2004 2:58:20 PM PDT by Voss
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To: antiantiamericans
"homo-flexible"

That's funny, but take it easy on the mental imagery! *L*

8 posted on 10/08/2004 2:59:47 PM PDT by AZamericonnie (We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. ~Will R)
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To: antiantiamericans

That's really disgusting! Take the trash talk somewhere else!


9 posted on 10/08/2004 3:42:10 PM PDT by CyberAnt (Sen.Miller said, "Bush is a God-fearing man with a good heart and a spine of tempered steel")
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To: andie74
Ping!
10 posted on 10/08/2004 3:45:48 PM PDT by John O (God Save America (Please))
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To: AZamericonnie

I got a bumper sticker with that photo of George Bush on it, in the white cowboy hat, in the truck.... It reads "My heroes have always been cowboys" and it has Ronald Reagan on the other side, also in a cowboy hat! I LOVE IT!\

Is THIS true: "Teresa" (actually the inspiration for the Kinks 1970 hit Lola), ?????


11 posted on 10/08/2004 4:09:13 PM PDT by buffyt (You don't create terrorists by fighting back. You defeat the terrorists by fighting back. ~GWBush~)
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To: CyberAnt

CyberAnt is RIGHT!


12 posted on 10/08/2004 4:09:58 PM PDT by buffyt (You don't create terrorists by fighting back. You defeat the terrorists by fighting back. ~GWBush~)
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To: buffyt; CyberAnt

Well, I was honestly trying not to be too rude with my post... but I will in the future refrain from posting the comments of my rough and rowdy brothers-in-arms and remember the tender senseabilities of the women and children present.

To the both of you, a sincere : Sorry, Ma'am.


13 posted on 10/08/2004 4:25:47 PM PDT by antiantiamericans
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To: antiantiamericans

"I was honestly trying not to be too rude with my post"

Hmmmm? And you lie too!

Having been around a lot of Marines and worked in a Sheriff's office, I don't think "tender senseabilities" has anything to do with it.

Your statements were and are disrespectful and border on ridicule. You can argue policies all day but to just make such idiot remarks makes other FReepers look bad. Since I represent a chapter, I don't appreciate being made to look like an idiot by someone else's irresponsible statements.

I don't care what you say off these threads. But when you're here, your conduct and your statements are being viewed by hundreds of thousands of people - most of whom are well educated and don't relate to your trash talk.


14 posted on 10/08/2004 4:54:24 PM PDT by CyberAnt (Sen.Miller said, "Bush is a God-fearing man with a good heart and a spine of tempered steel")
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To: CyberAnt
I am terribly sorry you have a hard time accepting an apology.

I did word my post to be as inoffensive as possible, and to still carry the correct meaning. However, being that I have apologized for offending those that have said I have, there is not much more that I can do.

"Hmmmm? And you lie too!"

I shall continue to give you both the advantage, and the benefit of the doubt, of a lady.
15 posted on 10/08/2004 5:17:12 PM PDT by antiantiamericans
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To: buffyt

Did you see #13 - I let it fly!!


16 posted on 10/08/2004 5:51:47 PM PDT by CyberAnt (Sen.Miller said, "Bush is a God-fearing man with a good heart and a spine of tempered steel")
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To: zip

ping


17 posted on 10/08/2004 6:02:58 PM PDT by Mrs Zip
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To: Ex-Dem

there is a photoshop of that very thing,

of course kerry is the tall blonde ace and edwards is gary.

i could send it if you want it.

I am computer stupid, or i'd just post it.

it may show op here on this thread too.


18 posted on 10/08/2004 11:03:03 PM PDT by EERinOK
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To: EERinOK

I think I may have seen it on the debate live thread. Thanks for offering to send it to me though. The one I saw have two guys in the blue and yellow tights with Kerry and Edwards' faces Photoshopped onto their bodies. They were also wearing some really odd-looking painted yellow slippers.


19 posted on 10/08/2004 11:18:57 PM PDT by Ex-Dem (AFL-CIO - Where organized labor becomes organized crime.)
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