Kerry reaches for his plan to fix Mount St. Helens.
Posted on 10/04/2004 4:02:21 AM PDT by Sub-Driver
KERRY: I WILL FIX MOUNT ST. HELENS Bush ‘In Denial’ About Volcano, Senator Charges Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry kept President Bush on the defensive today, telling a Pittsburgh audience that Mr. Bush had allowed the long-dormant volcano Mount St. Helens to erupt on his watch, adiing that he would “fix Mount St. Helens once and for all” if elected in November.
“When George Bush was elected president, Mount St. Helens was nothing but a trivia question,” Mr. Kerry said. “Well, guess what, folks – it’s spewing volcanic gases right now and it’s only a matter of time before she blows.”
Mr. Kerry said that Mr. Bush had refused to keep an eye on the troubling increase in volcanic activity at Mount St. Helens because he was “totally obsessed with Iraq.”
“I’ve got news for George Bush, “ Mr. Kerry said. “Saddam Hussein isn’t erupting. Mount St. Helens is erupting.”
After accusing Mr. Bush of being “in denial” about “the molten magama stewing inside that scary sucker,” Mr. Bush fired back, saying that it would be “sending the wrong message” to say that Mr. St. Helens was erupting.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia rose to the president’s defense, saying that he believed it would be “awesome” to have group sex inside the volcano’s red-hot crater.
“Throw in a few barnyard animals and that’s what I call a party,” Justice Scalia said.
In other campaign news, Mr. Bush ridiculed Mr. Kerry’s statement that the U.S. must pass “a global test” before using military force, adding, “I have never passed a test in my life and I’m not going to start now.”
Didn't he also say he would fix it in 6 months?
Tom Daschle, the husband of an airline lobbyist, was deeply saddened to learn that Sen. Kerry's solution did not include a $5 trillion care package for the airline industry. Daschle, unavailable for further comment, is said to be locked in his room watching a looped video of Pres. Bush hugging him.
ROTF!!!
Kerry reaches for his plan to fix Mount St. Helens.
's nothing more than the age old problem the uncircumcised masses of males have had to contend with...that of preventing the unhealthy build-up of sMagma under the Dome. sKerry's found a Fix for that, alright. That's why he's got to squat to pee...
ROFLMAO! They should do a SNL skit with this. Its dead on funny.
LOL. Now I'm going to have to listen to the local libs gripe about Bush refusing to fix Mt. St. Helens. Yes, they are that stupid.
And his plan will only cost around 2 trillion dollars but he can make it up by dropping the tax cuts for the rich.
"Bush also let a little kitten get stuck in a tree on his watch" said Senator Kerry. "I can assure you that my new kittens in trees policy will prevent such tragedies."
You know, I can believe the headline. Kerry does believe he has a plan to fix it but hasn't put it on paper, President Bush scrunch his face at Kerry's words and would see the pressure building and then say it takes hard work to manage a volcanic eruption.
Kerry should be worrying about "Mt. St John O'Neill". Tick tock tick tock.
Only problem is that Kerry was waiting to hear from Kofi Annan to tell him the steps to take in disabling the volcano. Annan was unavailable for comment. He was busy looking to see what food carts he could set up to gain profit from watching the explosion. Indeed an oily situation!
LOL! I stand in awe of your brilliant pun-ditry...
Kerry served in the Mekong Delta tribunary that cut through Mount St. Helens, which was originally formed by Al Gore.
Clinton: "I will mount Fix St. Helens..." (old habits die hard)
Spewing hot gases?
Sounds like Ms. McAuliffe and the DNC to me.
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