Posted on 09/30/2004 4:38:19 PM PDT by xzins
President Bush has resoundingly won the “Pre-Debate Quarter” of the Electoral Gridiron Extravaganza say inside sources from "the American Political League." Late word coming in from all sideline reporters suggests that the President simply overpowered John Kerry beyond Kerry's ability to defend. With this awesome show of momentum in the pre-debate period, the president is up by a significant margin after the second quarter of play.
Scoring at will during the 1st “Convention Quarter,” Bush also racked up devastating yardage in the 2nd “Debate Build-Up Quarter.” With only 2 quarters of play remaining, “The Debates Quarter” and the “Election Build-Up” quarters, the Kerry team is down-in-the-mouth about their chances. Pom-pom girl, Tayraysah Kuckhold Kerry (KK), has cussed out most everyone within earshot.
The summary analysis of the first half “Convention Quarter” and the “Debate Build-Up Quarter” is as follows.
In the Convention Quarter, like a swift boat hit by a mine, Kerry was simply swamped by TeamBush when Kerry’s own group of misfits huddled in Boston for their series of downs. Running away after a sack being a trademark, Kerry disappeared in the wrong direction when frequently sacked by the Swift Veterans Defense which repeatedly chased him down and highlighted his inability to even enter opposition ground, whether in fly-over country or Cambodia. Groggy from too many pancakes, Kerry even misplaced his lucky helmet, reportedly given to him by an ex-CIA League scout. Kerry never managed to mount an offense and was held to negative yardage. Claiming he “picked up” a water-logged green beret lost by the pre-game marching band was as close as Kerry got to “picking up” anything….certainly none of the blitzes thrown at him by the SwiftVets linebacker crew. Sideline media pondered his total lack of quarterbacking skills in the first quarter. Most photos showed Kerry closing his eyes and having difficulty handling the football.
In the same period, Bush scored at will on offense with a Republican Convention that featured a powerhouse running team led by Georgia Bulldog, Zell Miller, and Californian, Arnold “The Terminator” Schwarzeneggar. The massive Bush front line underscored the Bush bottom line: “Fight ‘em here or fight ‘em in Iraq, but girlie-men won’t fight ‘em anywhere.” The American audience responded with loud acclaim and the score at the end of the quarter, Bush 14 – Kerry 0.
In the “Debate Build-Up Quarter,” the KerryKamp (KK) attempted, to its great remorse, to smear a president whose good fortune included a special teams crew of internet warriors anxious to leave their mark on the game. It was these who helped Kerry again explode another self-inflicted wound on his own backside.
Caught in the middle of an illegal “hit” led by the aging, CBS ex-headhunter, Dan Rather, the internet bench beat him senseless with relentless, orchestrated gang tackling. (Dan – take a memo – don’t fumble the ball in your own end zone.)
After scoring the safety, the BushBloggers brought the ensuing kickoff back to midfield. Discovering that the cBS special team had illegal players on the field in the person of Lockhart, Mapes, Cahill, and Kerry, the flags flew while an incensed American audience called for massive penalties.
Offensive coordinators Ed Gillespie and Karl Rove found endzone paydirt on the next handoff.
Extra point was good as Team Bush went up 24-0 at the half-time buzzer.
Las Vegas is giving heavy odds now on the President. Even if a slight scoring advantage is eked out in the “Debate Quarter” by the KerryKrew (KK), they are still down.
Their only hope seems to be the “Pre-Election Quarter” between the Debates and the end game.
Prognosticators say it appears the KerryKamp (KK) is placing their hopes on the injured reserve squad with back-up quarterback, Osama bin Laden, returning to the team at the end of October for a few surprise “Hail Allahs.”
ping
A Bush/Kerry debate won't change anyone's vote. However, a Laura/Teraaaaza would.
New Flash CBS News Desk
Kerry wins debate. Tune in tonight for further details.
(Bush cannot win the debates because the MSM will not let him)
They should bring the Bud bowl back for the intermission,except it would be dems vs. Republicans.
John - you were before the lights before you were against them
Well -- we will see won't we. The LSM ain't what it used to be.
have to be 15 yards and loss of down.
Did you see the AP article by the guy who'd already written his piece?
The media will think it can declare the winner.
The bloggers need to challenge them.
The Bud Bowl between the demonrats and the Republicans would have the lamestreammedia doing their predictable thing.
think i'll swear off the LSM....for life
ROFLMAO!!! Nice football analogy!
Thanks for the graphic, DrE. :>)
Hey....my daughter got to shake the Pres's hand down in Florida today.
Said she was busy at work when the Secret Service came in to canvas her building because the president was going to be next door at the FEMA site in Stuart.
She simply locked up with the Secret Service and followed them across the street...which caused her to be in the front of the line...and thus the handshake.
Too nervous to say anything she just smiled.
I'm jealous.
:>)
There is no doubt that Kerry lost the 1st half.
But that would have been like killing an Ant with a Howitzer.
Kerry has the best Tan and Manicure, LOL!
Thanks for the ping!
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