Posted on 09/29/2004 5:34:01 PM PDT by SandRat
This forum has been too serious today and I thought everyone could use a slight break from politics to get a laugh (maybe?).
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules: Please note... these are all of equal weight, ON PURPOSE!
• Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
• Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
• Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
• Shopping is NOT a sport; and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
• Crying is blackmail.
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
- Subtle hints do not work!
- Strong hints do not work!
- Obvious hints do not work!
- JUST SAY IT!
• ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor!
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
- Not both.
- If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
• ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
- Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
- Pumpkin is also a fruit.
- We have no idea what mauve is.
• If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine; Really!
• Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
– Sex,
– Sports, or
– Cars
• You have enough clothes
• You have too many shoes
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Yes, I know, I’ll have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Read it again, Ma'am. It warmed up quick but was good for a 2 hour race.
If you would like the seat down, put it down or don't complain when you have to wipe it clean.
Your husband is not your Dad or your son so quit treating him like it. Your son you can order around and your Dad gives you whatever you ask if you whine enough.
Husbands, you're not your wives son or her Dad so quit letting her treat you like it.
Yea right....
Crying is blackmail
But it works
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
So is John Kerry-a fruit & the color pumpkin
We have no idea what mauve is.
John Edwards favorite color
Kerry is going through the three stages of a Pumpkin
Bright Orange in late September
Carved up in late October, and
Tossed in the trash in early November.
Men are great with colors. Just be prepared to cite the Pantone Matching System code for the color you desire.
Sage is a plant, BTW. Not a color.
I see this e-mail is sure making the rounds.
Except at sporting goods, home center, computer and book stores.
Speaking strictly for myself.
Real men DO NOT "go shopping"!
We "go buying"!
There IS a difference.
I didn't mean to imply that it was YOUR husband who had that problem. I was talking about my EX. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Whether through hunting, sports, or just watching action movies or playing video games, violent activity is how men "bond". It's as beautiful and natural as a group of women having a Tupperware party.
And my reply would have been fine; if you get up in the middle of the night and find the seat "wet" don't blame me.
This particular "game" really gets. 50% of the people on this planet can determine what position the seat is in and adjust it according to their need. What's wrong with the other 50%?
The only reason on earth God put women on earth is to give real men someplace to sheath their manhood for the night where it would stay warm and wet, ready for the next day's use.
- no self respecting man takes a woman on a date an allows her to pay. (even if she "invited")
- Real men don't brag about being a hero.
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