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True terror: Cat Stevens comeback
Houston Chronicle ^ | September 26, 2004 | ANDY BOROWITZ

Posted on 09/26/2004 9:30:04 PM PDT by bayourod

Hours after being refused entry into the United States, 1970s recording star Cat Stevens lashed out at the U.S. government Wednesday, vowing to resume his recording career "immediately" as the ultimate act of revenge.

Appearing on the Arabic-language satellite TV channel Al Jazeera, a visibly angry Stevens -- now known by the name Yusuf Islam -- threatened to attack the United States with the full force of his insipid folk-rock music.

Brandishing an acoustic guitar, the erstwhile pop star warned that "no one in America would be safe from my insidious melodies" before launching into a spirited rendition of his 1971 hit Peace Train.

A spokesman for the CIA said experts needed more time to study the chilling video but that it appeared to be authentic: "We do not believe that anyone but the real Cat Stevens remembers the lyrics to Peace Train."

On the campaign trail, Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry blasted President Bush for the Cat Stevens incident, saying the president's reckless actions had resuscitated an irritating singer's long-dormant recording career.

"When George Bush took office, Cat Stevens was not a threat," Kerry told a rally in Akron, Ohio.

"Through a successful policy of containment, his music had mainly been limited to classic-rock stations. But now, thanks to George Bush's misguided decision to provoke Cat Stevens, we may be subjected to renditions of Morning Has Broken and Moonshadow and Wild World for years to come."

Aides to Kerry passed out lyrics of songs by Stevens, including this one from 1970:

"I wish I knew, I wish I knew; what makes me, me, and what makes you, you. It's just another point of view, ooo. A state of mind I'm going through."

For his part, Bush defended the decision, telling a Denver audience:

"Cat Stevens is the first front in the war on terror, with Seals and Croft a close second."

Borowitz is author of The Borowitz Report: The Big Book of Shockers, to be published in October by Simon & Schuster.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: aliens; catstevens
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To: bayourod
"Cat Stevens is the first front in the war on terror, with Seals and Croft a close second."

WTFTM do Seals and Crofts have to do with this?
Pardon my French, it's past my bedtime... "grin"

But the only song IIRC that was a hit of Seals & Crofts was "Diamond Girl"

Personal note: enjoyed the song when I was young, only noticed the sterling guitar solo / bridge once I was older.

Did I mention it was past my bedtime?

21 posted on 09/26/2004 10:21:47 PM PDT by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: grey_whiskers

"I'll Play for You"

"We may Never Pass this Way Again"

Several other big hits I can't recall at the moment. And Seals' brother England Dan had a couple big hits with his partner John Ford Coley ("Really Love to See You Tonight" being the big one.)

(Oh, the horror...)


22 posted on 09/26/2004 10:28:47 PM PDT by Husker8877
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To: Billthedrill
Well who needs a skate key anyway?

All the skates were taken apart back in the 50's and nailed on each end of a 2x4.

Kerry would like the key to how he is going to skate through these next few weeks.

Heck some boater he is he can't even find the key to his oar locks...
23 posted on 09/26/2004 10:45:08 PM PDT by Syncro
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To: grey_whiskers

Summer Breeze?


24 posted on 09/26/2004 10:57:28 PM PDT by glock rocks ("Bush is playing chess, and Kerry is playing checkers." - Dick Morris)
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To: FormerACLUmember
Kerry is ignorant beyond belief, the very definition of a "lightweight," and an absolute embarrassment to the democrat party.

If you had scoped out the field in the Dem primary season, you'd know that with the exception of one, the conenders wetre all "lightweights" (at best, with Sharpie and Mostly-Fraud being actual "bantamweights"). The sole "middleweight" in their stable was Lieberman, and he got absolutely nowhere.

As to point two, well, if the Democratic Party were capable anymore of feeling shame, then I suppose they would be embarrassed, but it's increasingly obvious that they long ago lost any capacity for the feeling of shame. To which I say, "What do you expect from a group of donkeys, anyway?"

the infowarrior

25 posted on 09/27/2004 12:58:07 AM PDT by infowarrior (TANSTAAFL)
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To: FormerACLUmember
Kerry is ignorant beyond belief, the very definition of a "lightweight," and an absolute embarrassment to the democrat party. When George Bush took office, Cat Stevens no longer existed. In 2001, "Cat Stevens" had a new name and a new cause as an IslamoFascist bagman, raising funds and carrying cash for al Queda terrorist groups. Israel did not allow this fecal mass to enter their country.

This article probably should have been labeled as "humor." It's a joke.

26 posted on 09/27/2004 2:42:30 AM PDT by NYCVirago
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To: bayourod

Nope, Mr. Lincoln, we don't see a problem with any of the Booth family. They're just actors...


27 posted on 09/27/2004 4:36:37 AM PDT by LadyDoc (liberals only love politically correct poor people)
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To: bayourod

Cat should be grateful that he lives in such a tolerant world. If Saddam was in charge here, he would have cut Cat's tongue out. That would do wonders for his singing career.


28 posted on 09/27/2004 4:44:30 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (Heinz-Kerry: "The common man doesn't look at me as some rich witch.")
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