MAD ABOUT COWS (Kerry moisturizes with bovine Bag Balm)

NY POST ^ | September 24, 2004 | RICHARD JOHNSON PAGE SIX

[Liz]

AND now for something udder-ly different: John Kerry (above) likes to lubricate his chapped lips with Bag Balm, the Vermont ointment farmers have used on cows for more than 100 years to treat dry and cracked udders and teats.

During a recent campaign stop in Greensboro, N.C., Kerry's handlers realized they didn't have a makeup artist to prepare the presidential contender for a televised speech.

A Lancome counter girl at a local department store was called in to touch Kerry up.

We're told he asked if she had a tin of Bag Balm, but she urged him to pick from a basket of creams and lotions meant for human use.

[Liz]

I wonder what Terayza uses to moisturize? Horse lotion?

[beyond the sea]

John Kerry (above) likes to lubricate his chapped lips with Bag Balm

"Bag Balm" -- hmmmm, he could use it on "the old bag" he has for a wife.

[LiberalBassTurds]

Teresa uses custom made imported "Hag Balm."

[Salamander]

Bag Balm is fine for your hands but it reeks of sulfur.
Why on earth would anyone want their breath to smell like rotten eggs?
I put it on my dogs when I don't want them chewing or licking at a cut or somesuch thing.

[Inge_CAV]

"I wonder what Terayza uses to moisturize? Horse lotion?"

Would that be one bag or two?

[South40]

I think Hillary uses it on her chafed thighs.

[fat city]

No wonder he's so unctuous-- time to call in Naomi Wolf for an Alpha Makeover. "Bacon grease, John, its sooo masculine."

[Liz]

[Lijahsbubbe]

And yet another endearing trait! He's so loveable!

[TN4Liberty]

The former Senator from Wyoming, tall slim republican whose name escapes me, was a big advocate of this stuff. Maybe their attempt to appear "down home."

[Veto!]

Why on earth would anyone want their breath to smell like rotten eggs?

To keep an ugly wife on her side of the mansion.

[Salamander]

[Liz]

Yeah, but then he's gotta cook all that bacon in hotel rooms.

Why doesn't he take along large can of Crisco (cackle).

[LiberalBassTurds]

Alan Simpson?

[TN4Liberty]

I didn't know about the smell. Maybe that explains Terayzah's reaction whenever JFnK tried to kiss her (like her apparent revulsion needed an explanation).

[Salamander]

That explains her clawing at his face every time he closes in for a smooch.

[beyond the sea]

I think Hillary uses it on her chafed thighs. ---

ROFL

[Liz]

LOL.....and Terayza buys it in the large economy size, I see.

[Fracas]

Perhaps the Bag Balm people will hire little Johnny Edwards and sue for damage to their reputation.

[battlegearboat]

Mama-T wears an asphidity bag.