Darwin Award

Lafflink ^ | unknown | Australian Bricklayer

[M. Peach]

BRICKLAYER'S ACCIDENT REPORT

Possibly the funniest story in a while. This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 175 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

New York Chronicle, New York City

[Boot Hill]

“Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending upon your frame of mind) this is an urban legend.”

Actually, your link to snopes.com does not debunk the story, it only points out that its origin is older than previously thought.

--Boot Hill

[alfa6]

Shoot, my dad showed me this "accident report" about 35 years ago. But it is funny

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[Poohbah]

An oldie.

[Poohbah]

I thought I remembered that from U-505...

[Frumious Bandersnatch]

That was the name of his book. Thanks! I couldn't remember it, only that he commanded the jeep carrier task force which captured that sub.

[unlearner]

If you watch Babe2: Pig in the City, you will find the opening sequence contains a very similar story.

However, the original story has been around for many years.

I think it is true.

[punster]

Was this guy a Kerry supporter? He sounds stupid enough to be one!

[SgtSolomon]

These are great! I would like to point out, however, that the first and second runners-up aren't capable of getting the Darwin award, since the people in the accounts didn't actually succeed in removing themselves from the gene pool. And....really....how can anyone believe the one about the Metallica fence-hoppers? It's too detailed, and gives personal experiences of guys who were found dead.

Nit-picketty observations aside, you have to wonder how a guy with no teeth, half his face gone - and obviously an underdeveloped brain - is going to propagate his genes. So I guess you could say that he was removed from the gene pool.