1) Would you mind if I send tomkow to Egypt? I'm thinking a trip to visit Mummies would do that Burka boy some good. What do you think? Honestly! He would deserve his fate amongst the Mummies. We'll even supply the toilet paper. Ain't that grand of me?
O My child Mojo, how it grieves Me to see My children engaged in such sibling strife, as any parent would feel as they beheld their children in conflict, wishing naught but peace and love between them, art thou getting the drift of this?
2) Can you explain to me the following: At what level of boredom does it require to be an official on the "NAME THE HURRICANE" committee?
My Child Mojo, most inquisitive among Men, turn thy inquiring will, that which is but a reflection of My infinite mind, to behold the place wherein dwelleth those prophets of My weather, known unto thee as NOAA, wherein thou shalt surely find the answers thou seekest...
3) You promised me the last time that you were going to fix the little issue about TV commercials. No pressure or anything, but can't you SPEED IT UP A BIT. Honestly, if you can't fix this problem...who can?
O My child, knowing thou with full wisdom that through Me, all things art possible, knowest also that they who annoyest you and test thy patience with their message and their words, the which art vexing in thy sight, I have granted free will to do as they shall, just as I have granted THEE, Mojo, the free will and intellect, which proceeds from My mind unto thee, which doth enable thee to change the channel to something that pleases thee in diverse ways...
4) The Sailor will think of something interesting and fun to do for our anniversary, right? If not, can I exchange him? Hehe (Just kidding)
My precious child, on that day which marketh the anniversary of the promise of love and committment that thou didst make to thy own dearest husband, he who left his family to cleave unto thee, in accordance with My laws, considerest thou this: has there cometh the time when thy Sailor failed to mark the day of thy rememberance of love, even unto the smallest and least token of his love for thy mortal self and immortal heart, which is but a reflection of My love for thee in turn?
5) Do you mind tanning Burka Man's booty? He's always mooning everyone. It's hard to see his booty sometimes. Perhaps a lightning rod to fry his booty would do the trick. What do you think?
My Child Mojo, thee of the fabulous and luxuriant tan in thy own right, is it thy desire to make thy brother, Tomkow, an image unto thine own, complete with a fabulous tan that he might call his own? Rather might thee and he not rejoice in the difference between thee, and the fact that in My infinite wisdom, he does not resemble thee, and art thou not relieved to hearest that?
6) Joe Thiesmann is really awful. Is there any reason why ESPN still has him around? Honestly, he's working my very last nerve.
Turn thy inquisitive eys upward, O My Child, to the answer to thy third question, therein which thy answer shalt be revealed unto thee...
7) The Presidential candidates are going on "Dr.Phil". My question is: WHY? He has a weight loss program that is a best seller and I'm thinking he could use his own advice. Maybe that's just me.
My most precious child, be assured that is is indeed, just thee. This child of Mine, as there art a multitude of My children, has sought to use his fame and his fortunes to aid and comfort his fellow Man, and be assured, there art few things the more good and kind than helping others, yea, even as they help themselves unto the buffet...
Thy petitions art completed, Mojo, My precious Child, fair among Men and beloved in My sight. Go thou unto thy rest, and sleep secure in My love unto thee.