Jubilation T. Cornpone (remind you of anyone who served in Vietnam?)

http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/j/jubilationtcornponelilabnerthemusical.shtml ^

[sidewalk]

For some reason, the recent discussion of John Kerry's war record reminded me of this ditty from the musical L'il Abner (I particularly like the part about: "Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!"):

JUBILATION T. CORNPONE Lil' Abner : The Musical (1956) (Gene De Paul / Johnny Mercer) Stubby Kaye - 1956

When we fought the Yankees and annihilation was near, Who was there to lead the charge that took us safe to the rear? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "Toot your own horn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, a man who knew no fear!

When we almost had 'em but the issue still was in doubt, Who suggested the retreat that turned it into a rout? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "Tattered and torn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, he kept us hidin' out!

With our ammunition gone and faced with utter defeat, Who was it that burned the crops and left us nothing to eat? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "September Morn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, the pants blown off his seat!

HURRAY!

When it seemed like our brave boys would keep on fighting for months, Who took pity on them and ca-pit-u-lated at once? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Unshaven and shorn - pone. Jubilation T. Cornpone, he weren't nobody's dunce!

Who went re-con-noiter-ing to flank the enemy's rear, Circled through the piney woods, and disappeared for a year? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "Treat 'em with scorn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, the missing mountaineer!

Who became so famous with a reputation so great, That he ran for president and didn't carry a state? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "Wouldn't be sworn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, he made the country wait!

Stonewall Jackson got his name by standing firm in the fray. Who was known to all his men as good ol' "Paper Mache?" Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;

*****

Jubilation T. Cornpone, he really saved the day!

REPRISE ( FINALE ):

Though he's gone to his reward, his mighty torch is still lit. First in war. First in peace. First to holler, "I quit!" Jubilation T. Cornpone;

*****

Jubilation T. Cornpone, he really saved the day!

MOVIE VERSES:

History says that General Grant was pretty good with a jug, Who went drink for drink with him and wound up under the rug? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Passed out until morn - pone. Jubilation T. Cornpone, his whiskers in his mug!

Hearing that a Northern spy had come to town for the night, Who gained entrance to her room and lost the glorious fight? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone; Old "Weary and worn - pone." Jubilation T. Cornpone, he fought all through the night!

There at Appomatox Lee and Grant were present, of course. As Lee swept a tear away, who swept the back of his horse? Why it was Jubilation T. Cornpone;

*****

Jubilation T. Cornpone, a picture of remorse!

[zarf]

God Bless Johnny Mercer.

[HuntsvilleTxVeteran]

This was my favorite song in LIL' ABNER.

And very apt for Jane Fonda Kerry.

[Telit Likitis]

You just made my day!
- Telit

[SmithPatterson]

Thanks for posting this. But I think Jubilation T. Cornpone is smarter than Kerry and Edwards combined!!!

[Dutchgirl]

My mother in law ( a former hottie) played Daisy Mae in a college production of the Broadway show. So nice to know folks still remember this one. Isn't it due for a remake?

btw- I love your screen name, one of my favorite scrabble words...

[pt17]

If you're gonna bring up Lil Abner, let's not forget Senator Phogbound, who was the corrupt, conspiratorial blowhard, who often wore a coonskin cap and carried a ramrod rifle to show his constituents he remained a trustworthy good ol' boy. There's an anology in there somewhere.

[17th Miss Regt]

For Gilbert and Sullivan fans, the opera "The Gondoliers" provided another example: the Duke of Plaza Toro.

SONG--DUKE OF PLAZA-TORO.
DUKE:
In enterprise of martial kind,
When there was any fighting,
He led his regiment from behind--
He found it less exciting.
But when away his regiment ran,
His place was at the fore, O--
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

ALL.
In the first and foremost flight, ha, ha!
You always found that knight, ha, ha!
That celebrated,
Cultivated,
Underrated
Nobleman,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

DUKE.
When, to evade Destruction's hand,
To hide they all proceeded,
No soldier in that gallant band
Hid half as well as he did.
He lay concealed throughout the war,
And so preserved his gore, O!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

ALL.
In every doughty deed, ha, ha!
He always took the lead, ha, ha!
That unaffected,
Undetected,
Well-connected
Warrior,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

DUKE.
When told that they would all be shot
Unless they left the service,
That hero hesitated not,
So marvellous his nerve is.
He sent his resignation in,
The first of all his corps, O!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

ALL.
To men of grosser clay, ha, ha!
He always showed the way, ha, ha!
That very knowing,
Overflowing,
Easy-going
Paladin,
The Duke of Plaza-Toro!

[Dutchgirl]

I followed the links looking for another (obscure) song from a show called "I Love My Wife." The song was "Monica." Strangely, I haven't been able to find it anywhere.

[Charles Henrickson]

Al Capp ping.

[JennysCool]

For some reason, I thought a rewrite of "F-Troop" was also apropos:

The end of the Vit'nam War was near
When quite accidentally,
An errant grenade abruptly sprayed
Uncle Ben's on the butt of Monsieur Elite!

His medals of honor pleased and thrilled
The folks back in Boston, Mass.
While pinning them on some blood was spilled
And so a Purple Heart was in store -- for Rice Ass!

Where Cambodian fights are fantasy flights
and nobody misses duty
For miniscule shrapnel
Lodged in the booty.

When killing and fighting got him down,
The third purple heart came through.
So he was shipped back to Nantucket Sound
Only to smear, with his rice-padded rear
His troops!

[joesnuffy]

That was funny....and I remember it playing on the radio when I was a kid....
lol...

[jimfree]

Squeeze me some trashberry juice - I'm going to be hearing music from that show all day.

[jimfree]

Squeeze me some trashberry juice - I'm going to be hearing music from that show all day.

[aruanan]

Jubilation T. Cornpone

Sounds like the sender names in porn spam email. Here's the most recent I've seen: Airiest G. Warrior

[razorback-bert]

The last three rat candidates have been cheap comic book copies of JFK, who was no hero, saint, or good president, but he was the demigod of the brightest and best.

I remember friends of my father, who having been in harms' way, discounting JFK's story as BS, bad command and bad luck.

Kerry got away with his BS for so long, because there was no one around him able to cry BS and they cared more about his antiwar actions.

[libstripper]

Until I read "Unfit for Command" I had a hard time understanding why the "Band of Brothers" stuck with Kerry. On reading it you discover that Kerry spent much of his command time trying to figure out how to stay out of harm's way and engaging in various acts of cowardice. The best example is the day he rescued Jim Rassmann, when, contrary to orders, he fled the scene of action, only returning when the risk of enemy fire was over. Since he appears to have acted this way repeatedly, he also kept his crew out of harm's way when they should have been in it. Now they're showing their gratitude to him for keeping them from being shot at.

[firewalk]

bttt