Just damn.
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Posted on 08/07/2004 11:11:39 AM PDT by BeAllYouCanBe
What is a Redneck-Sexual?
It seems that we are bombarded daily with the Kerry Campaign and the Metrosexual campaign he is waging for the heart of the UN lovers and other Europeans. For those of you still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual that has all the good taste of Gay Man but the sexual preference for women. Picking John Edwards as his running mate confirmed that style was more important than substance for Kerry and Metrosexuality was the main plank in JFK’s campaign.
So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.
If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.
A Redneck-Sexual is not confused about their sexuality and their damn grateful for the plumbing that the good Lord gave them even though it don’t work as good as it once did. But Redneck-Sexuals are grateful for growing old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and other such nonsense to try to fool anyone about our age.
When a Redneck-Sexual goes to a farm it isn’t important to let the farmer know they were once on a farm. A Redneck-Sexual knows that everyone works and we respect each others labor/job. One job is the same as another to a Redneck-Sexual it is how the family gets fed.
So that then leaves our truck and our love for it. Even though we love our truck with the five American flag bumper stickers and one that says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time to make sure it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of that Mid-East oil but that is how a Redneck-Sexual is concerned about the environment and our truck!
So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”
They terrorized all of them-poor Ned was sodomized.
I live in the piney woods of deep east Texas, The school bus has mud grips, cars are usless in certian areas especially after a good thunderstorm, This is real redneck country, Jeff Foxworthy don't have a clue.:-)
Reminds me of and old joke about the Montana drivers test
"Do you know how to make a U-turn?"
No, but I know how to make her eyes roll"...
*JUS' JOKIN' Y'ALL*
I was sittin' in Miami pourin' blended whiskey down
When this old gray Black gentleman was cleanin' up the lounge
There wasn't anyone around 'cept this old man and me
The guy who ran the bar was watchin' "Ironsides" on TV
Uninvited, he sat down and opened up his mind
On old dogs and children and watermelon wine
"Ever had a drink of watermelon wine?" he asked
He told me all about it, though I didn't answer back
"Ain't but three things in this world that's worth a solitary dime,
He said, "Women think about they-selves, when menfolk
ain't around.
And friends are hard to find when they discover that
you're down."
He said, "I tried it all when I was young and in my
natural prime;
Now it's old dogs and children and watermelon wine."
"Old dogs care about you even when you make mistakes;
God bless little children while they're still too young to
hate."
When he moved away I found my pen and copied down that line
'Bout old dogs and children and watermelon wine.
I had to catch a plane up to Atlanta that next day
As I left for my room I saw him pickin' up my change
That night I dreamed in peaceful sleep of shady summertime
Of old dogs and children and watermelon wine.
"Reminds me of and old joke about the Montana drivers test"
Which reminds me of this one.........(easily offended? proceed no further)....
Redneck sex
The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, She floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstasy."
The Frenchman replies, "Zat is noting, when Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The redneck says, "That ain't nothing buddy. When I've finished pokin the ole lady, I git out of bed, walk over to the winder and wipe my wiener on the curtains. She hits the freakin ceiling.
I don't think a cow can become kosher until it's slaughtered.
"hits the freakin ceiling"
My side aches. I laughed for 15 minutes and cried. Pretty good old joke.
There is only one rule. "If it doesn't say F O R D on it, it's not a truck". It can still be a pickup, it's just not a truck.
It's virtually impossible to do the Watermelon Crawl without some.
: )
Just damn.
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"Yiddish cowboy now that is something. Only chases kosher cows."
LOL! THAT was funny. ;o)
Actually, mensch is the perfect term to describe, not
only President Bush, but Ronald Reagan, as well.
Main Entry: mensch
Pronunciation: 'men(t)sh
Function: noun
Etymology: Yiddish mentsh human being, from Middle High German mensch, from Old High German mennisco; akin to Old English man human being, man
: a person of integrity and honor
i never knew how much that song would mean to me in such a different way as I aged over the past 30 odd years..lol
Studebaker built better trucks. Sorry. I'm partisan when it comes to Stude vehicles.
Well, that explains it, then.
It's still a good line, even if someone stole it from Rush.
I think the more interesting question is
where does John Kerry and his side kick Edwards stand on this?
Bubba bump;-)
I don't know, but please tell me the answer does not involve barnyard animals.
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