Posted on 08/07/2004 11:11:39 AM PDT by BeAllYouCanBe
What is a Redneck-Sexual?
It seems that we are bombarded daily with the Kerry Campaign and the Metrosexual campaign he is waging for the heart of the UN lovers and other Europeans. For those of you still not aware a Metrosexual is a heterosexual that has all the good taste of Gay Man but the sexual preference for women. Picking John Edwards as his running mate confirmed that style was more important than substance for Kerry and Metrosexuality was the main plank in JFK’s campaign.
So I had to reflect on my own leaning toward Metrosexuality and conclude that I was in fact a Redneck-Sexual. My definition of a Redneck-Sexual is a man or woman who has the tastes of a country boy but is still sensitive enough to love their truck. The Redneck-Sexual is not judged on the choice of clothes and style but by his/her character. A Redneck-Sexual lives in the Red States mainly but there are ones in San Francisco and Vermont and even New York City! A Redneck-Sexual doesn’t boycott French products he has never liked them and doesn’t think wine of any kind is better than beer.
If a Redneck-Sexual has been in a war and won medals it isn’t talked about because mainly it means that if you got a medal someone saw you do something brave. You know as a Redneck-Sexual that the bravest acts you did were things nobody saw – but you came home alive and that’s all the family cared about. If you got a Purple Heart you had lots of pain and suffering and you don’t talk about that either – it is part of being an American Soldier/Sailor/Marine.
A Redneck-Sexual is not confused about their sexuality and their damn grateful for the plumbing that the good Lord gave them even though it don’t work as good as it once did. But Redneck-Sexuals are grateful for growing old and we don’t do Botox, tummy tucks and other such nonsense to try to fool anyone about our age.
When a Redneck-Sexual goes to a farm it isn’t important to let the farmer know they were once on a farm. A Redneck-Sexual knows that everyone works and we respect each others labor/job. One job is the same as another to a Redneck-Sexual it is how the family gets fed.
So that then leaves our truck and our love for it. Even though we love our truck with the five American flag bumper stickers and one that says, “America Love It OR Leave it”, we only use genuine GM Goodwrench parts. We still take time to make sure it stays tuned-up so we don’t use too much of that Mid-East oil but that is how a Redneck-Sexual is concerned about the environment and our truck!
So the question then begs to be asked, “Is George W. Bush a Redneck-Sexual?”
" as long as you use a disposable cup "
The bottle must not have a cork either. Only twist-offs for caps.
My wife says that the size of a man's pickup truck is in reverse ratio to the size of (ahem) something else.
That's why I only drive an F-150. :)
The guy I buy my homemade wine from uses milk jugs. That's ok, ain't it?
I wouldn't want to be the laughing stock at the bass club, like the time I wore a white tee shirt before Memorial day.
Oh, the horror.
First time I heard male lesbian was when Rush used it.
G.W. Drives a Ford!
Italian Foreplay: Raise arms, snap fingers, point to groin, say "Hey!"
HELL YEA!!!!!
Belive me, Dubya is a blue blood, he is a great man, but he could never qualify as a redneck. Rancher/oilman fits him better.
A Redneck-Sexual knows that:
Ain't nothin' in this world
Worth a solitary dime,
But old dogs and children,
And watermelon wine.
Here's a candidate.
ping
He ain't Redneck Sexual, he ties his dogs up outside!
The South's answer to metrosexuals ping!
With apologies to Ray Wylie Hubbard,
Up against the wall redneck mother,
Mother who has raised a son so well.
He's thirty-four and drinkin' in a honky-tonk,
Just kickin' liberal's a$$e$ and raisin' hell.
To a Redneck-Sexual, practicing safe sex is making love with his hip waders on.
It's been a long time since I've laughed this hard!
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