You are right!!!
Natural limitations is something that needs to be considered in a child. My older daughter is the group person. She is perfect is a crowd, never had a problem with a large group.
The little one has always been low noise/low input. If one wants this child to behave well, one must limit high input. We do quiet family places. When we have tried the big chains, she is a bear and I will not subject other paying patrons to her. I have walked out with a crying child before. Not a problem.
I give great credit to the mom walking out of the store with the crying child. She is putting in the effort to parenting.
My twins are/were bears.
My son has always been great.
The only thing is that both of them almost died when they were little. They both had speech problems. One started talking at 3 and the other is still not talking well at almost 8. The one has severe speech problems because of brain damage.
There were many stores that I walked out of because of a screaming child. The one with severe speech problems didn't talk (except for a few words) until she was 4 1/2. At 4 1/2 she finally learned how to say "I want....". At first, I gave in everytime. She'd say "I want a cookie." I would be so excited that she talked that I gave her a cookie. Well, after a few months of this, I realized I was creating a monster, and I started saying no.
One day we were at a restaurant and she wanted a soda. I didn't want her having one, and I said no. She totally lost it. She's was a big girl, and I couldn't just scoop her up and carry her like you do with a 2 year old having a tantrum. I dragged her out of the restaurant. I had to restrain her by straddling her because she was running into the parking lot. I think she screamed for 20 minutes there. I finally got her to our car, and she screamed for another 30 minutes. She wouldn't stay buckled in her booster seat. I had people calling her a brat. It was loads of fun.
That was the worst tantrum. We are definely past that stage.
We went to one psychologist who started mentioning medication right away. She also recommended this book "The Explosive Child". The book talked about getting children to communicate to keep them from tantruming. I would have (and still would) love to have my daughter be able to communicate fully with me.
My best advice to a parent with a troubled kid is to find one behavior that is horrible and fix that. That's been how I handled my daughter. I didn't focus on little things like the fact that she didn't pick up her toys. I focused on big things like running into the middle of the street without looking. I also made "no" mean "no". We walked out of restaurants, movies, and parks because of bad behavior. I never wanted my kids misbehavior to affect other people.
We still have a long way to go, and I am absolutely dreading the teenage years. At least, my daughter should be able to talk better by then.